If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Getting Back on Track... and Not.

It's funny, because I'm feeling like I'm coming "back" from my going underground and freaking out. And I would normally say "back on track" except it's a different track that I'm stepping onto today, so that saying doesn't work. Huh. Weird.

First sign that I'm not freaking out so bad? I actually slept in a little this morning. I didn't do a WI this morning. I weighed myself yesterday and decided that that was fine. I ate a lot of sodium (even though I stayed within my caloric budget) so I knew that it would be up this morning (it's at 148.0 where yesterday was 146.4), and guess what... I don't care! I am healthy, I have a calorie budget. I have an excercise plan. All that will keep me healthy and stop me from slipping back up the scale.

Yes, I will have to be concious of these things for the rest of my life. Is that a hardship? No, it's a lifestyle. It's just the way it is. It's my reality. It's not a diet. I'm not "maintaining" per se. I'm living my life and looking down the path to longevity.

That's my next passion. My next focus. My next goal. Longevity. Living as long and as healthily as I possibly can. Learning what I need to do to have the strongest body I can have (without being an extremist) for the rest of my life no matter what my age.

We naturally lose muscle mass and bone density as we age, and now that I'm 40, I have to face my reality. I have to work to counter that. I cannot just stand still and maintain. I am fighting the elements of aging. A new journey!! A new path!! A new track!!

I cannot help but think of Suzanne Somers. I watched her on Oprah on a show about aging. She takes 60 vitamins and minerals and supplements a day. She takes biodentical hormones. She grows her own vegetables and eats as organic and clean as she can. She's 62 years old and she plans on being around till she's at least 110. And she just might do it! She's kinda my newest guru.

Her and Oprah were laughing about her experimentation iwth the biodentical hormones, because there is huge contreversy about them in the medical world. But it was a moment where they were laughing about how Suzanne may be the only one left on the earth, the oldest person ever, yelling with her hands pumping in the air "I was right!!!!". At that moment, I fell in love. Okay, so she pops a bizmillion pills every morning and watches EVERY calorie she puts in her body, and excercises all the time. She works hard to have longevity. Does that make her crazy? To work that hard to add years to your life?

Death freaks the shit out of me. But you know what? So does growing old. I look around me at the aging society, with their walkers and oxygen tanks. With their wasted muscles and age spots. Hunchbacked and shuffling. I don't want that!!!! I want to be like Suzanne. Like Tina Turner. Like Cher! They are MY kinda old lady! GILFs.

So rather than fighting aging, why not embrace it? Embrace it and show it who's boss? I don't HAVE to get old and frail. I can get old and hot! Hey, I've looked "great for a fat chick", "fantastic for someone who used to be fat", I used to be a MILF, why not shoot for GILF?? Does anyone look at Goldie Hawn and think "what is she thinking, looking that good at her age"?

Side Note: I had a moment of sadness this morning as I sent my last WI to the BLBE. I'm dropping out. But I feel good about it. And I'm still supporting Team Angie!! But I'm just not there anymore. There's no point in my statistics weighing the team down. I am not the Biggest Loser... but I am a Winner!

Okay, I will start taking pics again today and get back on the Food Blogging track. I'm definately going to stick with that. I like it! It's fun for me. And let's face it, my world revolves around me. ROFL.

I may be back today, it's hard to say. If not, be well, be safe, and happy Saturday!

Thanks for listening,



Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Good for you, Dee! You are a winner:)

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Oh, btw, you got me into this mess, so you better still be checking in on me and providing ass-kicking when necessary ;D

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Marisa, I thought of you the WHOLE time I was putting that email together to Angie!

You bet, I'm checking you out, lady!!! If I can succeed in this weightloss thing, you can, too!

Shrunk said...

I'm so glad that you've come to peace with all of this. It is a struggle, I know. Enjoy maintenance (and the extra food)! You've most definitely earned it :O)

Angie All The Way said...

Dee, I honestly could not be happier for you and I was not sad that you sent in your last WI for BLBE I was ELATED!

You are a ham and I can't wait to watch you get all Suzanne and Goldie in the years to come! ;-)