My Journey

... and she lived happily ever after. The end.

2009-09-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, it was for me to keep track of how I was doing. It was a place for me to vent my feelings, brainstorm ideas, bang out epiphanies. And I did.

Then I started getting followers. And it was good. So I started talking about my blog in real life, to my real peeps. And it was good... for a while. But then, it wasn't.

You see, I can't be me here. I can't vent my frustrations. I can't talk about what bugs me. I can't discuss my feelings. I can't talk about my marriage. I can't talk about my relationships. I can't talk about anything at all except me. And I can't even talk about me.

Do you see the disclaimer at the top of this blog? That's there because all of a sudden I was getting lambasted with responsibility. That because people were looking to me for inspiration, I had a responsibility to not lead them astray. To watch my every word, so as not to offend. To not give bad advice, so as not to kill anyone. To be careful how I word my selftalk, so as not to lead anyone to eating disorders.

This blog is no longer about me.

And so I am leaving it. Because I still need what I started in the first place. A place where I can be me. Where I can talk about me. Where I can be open, honest and upfront about my issues. Where noone in real life knows about. Where noone in blogland knows who I am.

I thank you. I thank you for encouragin me. For showing me that I am not alone in this journey called life. For commiserating with me when the wagon is far off in the distance. For laughing with me. For crying with me. For sharing with me.

I am choosing to leave this blog here. I won't be adding to it. But it is a powerful testimony to what I accomplished. I want to keep it for myself. I want to visit it, and see what worked. See what didn't. And remind myself of where I came from.

So be well, my friends. Enjoy your journey. I'm enjoying mine.

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Super Crappy Yesterday

2009-09-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

I had a super DUPER crappy night last night. But of course, I can't talk about it on here because this is so public to my real life.

Sigh.

I do believe I'm going to slowly knock this blogging off. It started out as a journal to help me, but has turned into something different, that I'm not too fond of.

Suffice it to say, I'm turning over a new leaf today. I will NOT let someone else drag my Saturday down.

The scale showed me love this morning, down an entire pound (!!) to 153.4. That's only 6.4 from where the doctor told me to stop losing (although I'm thinking I want to one day see 138 and a BMI of normal).

Must have coffee. Urgh.

Why the hell do I wake up at ridiculously early hours on Saturdays? Why??

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I want PIZZA!!

2009-09-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

Damn Panago and their current flier with a meatball pizza oozing in cheezy goodness on the front.

I was reading blogs just now, and came across Fat Daddy's post about compliments. And it made me sad.

You see, there is a cycle, it seems. When you first start losing weight, you wait expectantly with baited breath for every pound to be noticed. The first 25 pounds or so are heartbreaking in their lack of showing. Or, they show, but people don't want to say anything incase they are just "seeing things".

But then you hit a point where people really start seeing it. And HOO-BOY is that fun!! All of a sudden you have wicked motivation! You can't let these people down! They are watching your every move, and complimenting the hell outta ya! It feels good. You feel rewarded. You feel motivated. You feel relieved.

Then you reach goal weight. And the compliments keep coming. But now they are coming in a way that is starting to frustrate you. I would see people that I haven't seen in a year, and ALL they could talk about was my weight loss. It started to define me. And it started exasperating me. I wanted to talk about other things. I wanted to talk about them. Sure, I'll tell you what I did, but then let's move on, shall we? Please? No? Okay, fine, let's keep talking about it... sigh.

My closest started seeing how I was losing who I was, and so they stopped complimenting me. Which was totally cool with me. I was done talking about it. Besides, I was in a different place than most were, and frankly, found myself stepping on people's toes all the freakin time. Best to not discuss my thoughts and feelings around my own fat issues, as people perceived it as talking about them and their issues (whether I was or not.. there was a ton of projecting). Best to keep my trap shut, right?

Only here's the thing. I've put ten pounds back on. And I'm ridiculously insecure. Ridiculously. And so I dress very very carefully. I do my best to look really pretty. Or really sexy. Or really whatever I'm going for that day. I shop very carefully. I work very hard on my appearance.

And noone says a word.

So my insecurities bash around in my head, screaming "FAT BITCH FAT BITCH FAT BITCH WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD GO OUT IN THESE CLOTHES FAT BITCH FAT BITCH FAT BITCH".

Yep, it IS that extreme.

I am struggling with this ten pounds (actually it's like seven pounds, but on my body it looks to me like twenty), and sabotage the shit out of myself. I feel like I have no motivation. Nobody cares. Nobody looks for positive on me. I have been fighting with it for three months now, and it keeps winning.

I have become so incredibly insecure, having zero positive affirmation, that I actually struggle getting out of the house now. If I'm desperate, I'll ask if I look okay, but how desperate does that look? I can tell you how desperate it feels. And if I have to ask, then I know I don't look as spectacular as I thought I did. And if I don't ask, my insecurity rises with every moment I'm out in public. I second guess myself all the time. I watch people's faces, looking with fear for their disgust. Watching their eyeballs go directly to my plumper zones. Watching for judgement. Do I really look good? Does this really go together? Are people just being nice to my face, but laughing behind my back? Will I end up on a site like "People of Walmart"?

And then I don't want to go out.

But here's the thing. I have a friend who has agoraphobia. She didn't leave her house for years. I am deathly afraid of becoming like that. But I can feel how it happens.

So I fight it. Every day I fight it. Every weekend, I burst out of my house, with a FUCK YOU WORLD attitude. I work hard to build my confidence internally. I find something good about myself and give myself affirmations. I avoid the mirror, because I get sucked into it and end up changing my clothing in a frenzy of panic. I do my best to appear confident, sexy, carefree, and happy.

But inside all I'm whispering over and over is, "do I look okay?".

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What a workout!!

2009-09-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

It was soccer night tonight. And for one reason or another, I was the only one that showed. But I was prepared to be, and in the mindset that I wanted the workout.

And I had a BLAST!!!

I practiced dogs.
I volleyed with the wall for ages at a good intensity.
I ran the field with the ball a number of times.
I practiced running and kicking with my left to the right, and vice versa.
I practiced kicking with precision.
I practiced cornering with the ball by doing tight (as tight as I could) figure eights around the goalposts.
I practiced more dogs.
I practiced scoring from a running start.
I practiced aim.
I practiced breathing techniques.
And probably more, but I can't think of anything.

Oh yeah, I also jumped up on a low bench with both feet 30 times, and did stepping knee raises ten times each side.

:)

The only reason I stopped at an hour and fifteen minutes was because I could feel hot spots on my heels. I don't want blisters!

Total Time: 1:30 (including 15 min cool down).
Zone: 131 - 193
Total Time in Zone:
Average Heartrate: 136
Max Heartrate: 176
Calories Burned: 602

I can see the difference from when others are there in the Max and the Calories. With the team it would take over two hours to burn that many calories. And the max is usually in the low 160s, just from the standing and waiting. My heartrate isn't sustained during practice, thus spiking it when I push the effort.

What does this mean? More nights out versing a wall!! If it burns that many calories, and is THAT much fun... I will most definately do that again!

Now... my Kingdom for a ball that stays properly inflated.

PS: Shoutout to Sesame, who provided me with a new mp3 for tunes. Woot!! I've convinced the boy to put workout tunes on it for me. He's all serious at the computer right now, listening to beats. :) :) :)
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Soooo.....

2009-09-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of singing "What Have You Done Today" I decided to walk to do my banking. Oh sure, you are thinking. Who cares? You walked to the bank. Pffft.

First I walked from my house at 216th, down to my bank on 207th. Then I walked from there, all the way uptown to my son's bank at 225th. That's 4.89 miles, if you are counting. Or 7.8 km for us Canadians. Pthhhht!!

But of course, having only had just under 200 calories for lunch and a banana for snack, I found myself STARVING once I got uptown. So I hit the food court.

I salivated past Orange Julius, eyeballing the pizza dog. I dragged my feet past A&W, wiping my chin at the Papa Burger. I went right past the Tandoori place, with their creamy sauces and white rice. I paused at the Japanese place, but continued on to Sandwich tree and ordered me a shrimp, avocado and cream cheese sammich on flax bread. Woot!!

I had that instead of dinner (okay, I had a half cup of chili for dinner, only cuz I had been looking forward to it since I made it last night), and I'm having popcorn with the show tonight. But I am glad I made the choice I did, rather than the unhealthy ones that were calling me.

And I then hit Purdy's and bought one little tiny peanut butter daisy as a treat, instead of the Cream Horn I really wanted.

I have LOTS to sing about tonght!!!!

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Review: Clover Leaf Yellowfin Tuna Steaks - Fresh Thai Herb

2009-09-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Have you tried this?

I saw it in the grocery store. I'm always hunting for a good source of protein. I saw these and thought "I'll try it".

Holy YUM!! I'm eating it on a spinach salad, and my mouth is burning, but not too much. Mind you, I don't think my sister would eat it. And I wouldn't give it to little kids. But it's tasty tasty tasty! Fantastic texture. It's definately a tuna steak. Meaty and chewy. Not like canned tuna at all.

Here's a link: Clover Leaf Yellowfin Tuna Steaks - Fresh Thai Herb

As you can see on the nutritional stats, it's a little high in sodium, but for a "processed" food, it's not too bad at all. And the ingredients aren't unpronouncable, either. That's my criteria for new products. Note: I just listened to a Jillian Michaels podcast where she describes processed food. This product is not processed. It is all natural ingredients with no preservatives added, therefore not classified as processed.

Would I buy this again? Absolutely! And I'll try the other flavours, too. I have a lemon pepper in my cupboard that I'm now itching to try. And they were only $2 something each.

Side note: I would have documented the whole lunch prep, but my stupid camera is a big fat piece of shit.

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PHEW!!!

2009-09-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

So, I got a call this morning from the Fraud Squad (I wonder what they are really called??). It turns out that the transaction was in Montreal, which is why they flagged it. Someone copied my card and pin. They are still investigating where that happened. I mentioned that since I talked about it, all sorts of people are coming out of the woodwork to say it happened to them here in Maple Ridge. He said that he suspects it's a clerk in a store somewhere here.

Anyway, the money will be back in my account within 24 hours. Woot!! Go RBC!!!

So that was a great start to my day... and tonight BIGGEST LOSER!!!!!!!! Could I possibly BE more excited?? I dunno.

I have to do a killer workout today, so I can sing the song.

Side note: why do I choke up with tears whenever I think of singing the song???

It looks like it's going to be a hella emotional show tonight. Second chances. Very exciting. I'm stoked to see Danny back. Don't even get me STARTED on that last year. I was CHOKED at David on his behalf. CHOKED.

Plus, this means family night! Actually having Logan sit with us in the living room and watch tv with us withOUT his phone at his ear!! So stoked. :)

Speaking of which... teens. Pfft. That kid works a job, goes to school, and pays for his own phone. But he ALWAYS has it at his ear. Do I have the right to ask him to not be on it all the time? It's his. He pays for it. And if he wasn't on it, he'd be on the computer. I'm a little torn. I think we need to start doing stuff as a family that doesn't involve the tv. Mind you, that will mean just Logan and I because watching tv is how Steve unwinds after his long day. And it's not fair to ask him to change his routine just because I want to see more of Logan. And Logan doesn't like watching tv. It's a catch 22 for sure.

So yeah, I'm totally looking forward to tonight!

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R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

2009-09-14T17:49:00.001-07:00

You'll dance forever in my heart.

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FFS

2009-09-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about what a great time I had at the Canadian Country Music Awards, but that's been preempted by the fact that I am completely pissed off that my bank card was compromised, and my bill money for the month was stolen out of my account at 5:37am this morning.

I went down to my branch after phoning and finding out what to do, only to remember when I got there that they are closed on Mondays.

I have shit coming out of that account tomorrow, and the funds aren't there. I'm freaking OUT.

And on top of that, I am sabotaging myself left, right and sideways. I actually had to drive in the left lane so as NOT to drive through McDonald's for an ice cream. I physically had to fight to NOT sabotage myself, and promised myself popcorn later. What the fuck is wrong with me??

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Swoon

2009-09-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Again with the TMI:

I had an AMAZING night with my man last night! I decided that only I can change what I want changed, so it was a night of romanticism, soft porn, wine, hoots, and sensuality EXTRODINAIRE!!!!

Soft porn (from A&E Channel) is beautiful! And sensual! And totally not fair!! You see tits, ass, even a flash of pussy, but never cock. Ever.

However, for those that like the sexy without the actual close up joined shots, this stuff is hot hot hot!! And, it reminded me how to BE sensual. Watching those girls strip for the man, writhing their bodies, touching themselves... watching the man's eyes as he drank it all in... made me go "hmmm". So I whipped out some Creamsickle massage cream and gave myself a wee chest massage. Holy Banana Feathers!!! I haven't seen that look in his eyes in YEARS.

It made me realize that I have a hot body that my husband hasn't seen before... and dammit, I can USE it!! And guess what.. he doesn't SEE the flaws. He sees the new skinny parts. He sees the boobs. He sees sexy. He sees sensual. He sees whatever it is that I want him to see.

I talked once about bathing suits, and how I'm so much more conscious NOW than I ever was fat. Cuz noone has expectations of hotness from a fat chick, but one that is closer to skinny, people are more critical of (read: I am). Well, I took that into the bedroom. My big big BIG mistake.

I forsee a whole lotta sexy time in my future. Time to reconnect on a level of intimacy. I don't care WHAT he is watching on tv, if I'm feeling it, I'll put on a little show for him and I guarantee (I hope!!) that I will get what I am needing. And if not, then I finish what I start, and he gets a good show. Win/Win.

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Is it Friday Yet??

2009-09-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

Oh it is!!

Yay!!

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Yummy Yummy Yummy!!

2009-09-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

I picked a sketti squash out of my garden. First one! Oh MAN was it tasty!

I cut the end off, then pricked it with the knife, and nuked it for 15 minutes, turning once. Then I took it out, sliced it in half, and scooped out the yuck. Using forks I shredded the inards and threw it in a bowl.

I drizzled an ounce and a half of olive oil, then threw in oregano and garlic and tossed. Then I added a pound of cooked buffalo meat that I had seasoned with Keg Steak Spice. I tossed the whole mess and let it sit for about five minutes so the flavours could marry (lookit me sounding all Food Networky!).

O.M.G. YUM!!!

No picture... I ate it too fast. *sheepish grin*

On the excercise front, I had a wicked workout today. The HRM said 1:27:50, 417 calories. I'm pretty okay with that considering it was mostly speed walking, ending with a bit of step ups with weights. Considering how badly I've been sucking ass at moving my ass, I'm feeling rather fantastic about it!

Which brings me to the sucking ass about moving my ass. I know why. It's the heart rate moniter. Now that I know how few calories I actually burn (machines lie, don't trust them), excercises that I normally did now didn't seem "worth it". So I wouldn't do them, thinking that I'll run instead. Running burns wicked calories. But there's the crunch. I hate running. So did I run? Nope. Did I do ANYTHING? Nope.

I had a stern talking to myself and told myself that burning 100 calories is a helluva lot better than burning 0 calories, and reality is that I need to excercise to build strength, not just burn calories. I kicked my ass, then got on the treadmill. You will be seeing more activity reports here, I tell you what.

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Foods and Yumminess

2009-09-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well, soccer was cancelled... so that means dancing at Roosters! Woot!!

Nothing really new to report. I ate Arby's yesterday, and that fat bitch that lives in my head yelled out "I'll take a five piece potatoe wedge, too!" after already ordering a MEDIUM sandwich. Yeesh!!

I unloaded food pics off my camera, and it's kinda random...

This is yesterday's breakfast, with no pics of the rest of the day. Um... okay. ?? I dunno. Anywho, this is a whole wheat english muffin with a quarter cup egg white and a tablespoon of asiago with a bit of chive. Boring as fuck.

Today's breakfast apparently didn't warrant a pic, but it was similar to this one, only it had walnuts instead of almonds, and yogurt instead of cottage cheese. Again... ??? I dunno.

I remembered lunch! A wrap with Thai tuna, tomato and sprouts. I'm having a love affair with sprouts these days.

Snack was an apple... oh, and then cottage cheese, which suprise suprise, I don't have a picture of.

Dinner was organic chicken (I ripped the skin off one, and ate the other whole), rice and salad. No salad dressing, just blasamic vinegar.

And now I'm drinking red wine. I've budgeted in three beers tonight. And I have to dance for at least an hour. Preferably more.

That's about all I got right now. I had other stuff I was going to jabber about, but in true bloggy fashion, once I was ON my blog, I totally forgot what that was. Pffft.

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TMI

2009-09-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

I have got to stop reading books about death. After making awesome love with my husband, I'm laying in his arms and the thought I think is: I will miss this when you're dead.

"PS: I Love You" sucks.

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Soccer Day!!!

2009-09-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

Woot! Soccer tonight! Rain or shine, and it looks like rain!

Well, the first overnight with Maddy went FANTASTIC! She barked a couple of times to let me know that I had accidentally locked her into the bedroom, but quickly realized that it was nighttime. And after that she was good as gold!

She has quickly and willingly fallen into routine here when it comes to the morning bite of liverwurst. I use it to give my dogs their glucosamine. She doesn't get the pill, but she gladly takes the bite of yumminess!

Here's a pic of my pack this morning. The blur is Morgana completely at war with her phobia of the camera, and the knowledge of a treat, LOL.

I don't think she was impressed that I have a camera.

AAAAnd here's my good start to the day! Yogurt, granola, craisins, almonds, choco chips and a pear. YUM!

It's going to be a good healthy eating day, ending with an awesome time out on the field burning calories and moving my ass!

I'm sure you'll see me again today... I seem to be on a blogging role, lol.

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SABOTEURE!!!!

2009-09-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

I win! I had a decaf coffee, double double, with milk & sweetener. Note to self: next time get single single... blech.

He orders the blueberry blossom AND the blueberry fritter, after telling me I really want the fritter, and me telling him that NO I'm saving my calories for popcorn which I've been planning all day which is why we didn't have rice for dinner as I TOLD him at dinnertime. His reasoning? He'll eat mine!

I had a tiny taste of each. The doughnut was yuck, but the fritter... oh man, I could eat those! But I didn't!! I sat and watched him devour every morsel of one of my favourite foods, while I gritted my teeth and smiled like a good date does.

He's lucky he's cute.

And now, I'm off to eat my well earned popcorn, which tastes nothing like a blueberry fritter, but that's okay cuz I've been looking forward to it all night and I'm not sad about it at ALL.

*sob*

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D'Oh!!

2009-09-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

What is one supposed to do when one's husband who NEVER asks one out on a date asks to take you for coffee and a doughnut at 8:20PM when you cannot drink coffee this time of night without being up till 2AM and you've made a vow NOT to eat junk food?

Huh? What??

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Oh My Lanta!!

2009-09-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am so fucking BORED!!

I just had this conversation with my husband:

Me: How do you do this all day?
Him: What?
Me: NOTHING!! I'm BORED!!
Him: Go find something to do.
Me: This is your fault.
Him: MINE?
Me: Yes, I want to spend time with you, but you are BORING!!

Harumph. Okay, not very nice of me, but we laughed. And I did mean it, and he knows it... but whaddaya do? I work from home. I am an "on the go" person all the time. Always something on the horizon. The only time I spend the whole day reading on the couch is when I'm too sick to move.

I'm sick, but it's at the tail end of it, and my plan was to rest all day to end it. But holy sheep shit, someone kill me now!!!! At the very LEAST chase me with a knife!!

On the puppers front, Maddy has settled in very nicely. She is a right little lady, that one. Also a bit of a shit disturber, lol. Oscar was laying with me on the couch and Maddy jumped up to the top of the couch to have a bit of a go at him. She starts creeping closer. I'm eyeballing her around my book and watching Oscar eyeballing her around me. She comes to my head and jumps down on the arm of the couch. Oscar moves a little closer to my head, with his eyes bulging out... she raises a paw and SWATS at him like a cat! He LOST it!! Lunges at her in full hounddog snarly barks of MINE MINE MINE MY MOMMY MINE!!!! She prances out of teethshot with what I swear is a giggle and a grin. Brat. LOL

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I hereby declare and proclaim...

2009-09-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

I will not indulge in copious amounts of crap this weekend, just because it's the weekend. NO!!

I have no bbq's I have to go to. I have no bar nights planned. Just soccer on Sunday, and a good book to read. I will recover from this damn cold, and I will eat in moderation, and I will move a bit to burn some calories.

Side Note: This is what I'm listening to right now...

Maddy: BARK BARK BARK

Steve: NO BARKS

Maddy: BARK BARK BARK

Steve: NO BARKS

Maddy: BARK BARK BARK

Steve: NO BARKS

She's sitting on the couch beside him barking at him every time he says it. *snort*

Two hours and we've had four potty in the house instances. I think it's safe to say that this poor pup is discombobulated. Poor thing. Just about killed Steve though. I hear him roar "GET THE HELL OUTSIDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING" and I go running out to see what happened, and he tells me she shit on the carpet. So I deal with the dog, come back and he's sitting on the couch. Um, hello? Are you not going to clean that up? He looks at me shocked and says "I thought you were handling it!". I guess I got crazy eyes cuz he leapt up and ran for the bathroom saying over his shoulder "I got it, stop looking at me like that!". ROFL

I took some food pics yesterday. But not all of them. I missed the donair I had for lunch (nsv, is that I usually get the Greek one, with a huge scoop of feta on it, but I didn't this time, I got the regular one which is still big, but without the ridiculous 300 calories of feta on it), the bowl of banana gelato, the McDonald's ice cream cone and the dark chocolate Coffee Crisp. But I don't want to talk about those... :)

This was my breakfast, though! Cottage cheese, banana, chocolate chips and almonds, YUM!

Lunch was something I'm definately going to repeat today. Garlic pesto wrap, sprouts, cheese, tomato and red onion with a squirt of mustard. Holy delicious and fresh tasting!!

Isn't it pretty and colourful?? If I was hungry right now I'd make one cuz it's totally titallating me. Is that bad?

This is today's "starting the day right" breakfast! (NSV for me... Saturday mornings usually mean way too much coffee and no food). It's yogurt, banana, choco chips and Omega-3 Blue Menu granola goodness.

Sam, if you are reading this, don't stress about Maddy. She's a dog, doing what a dog does. You know... when dogs don't understand English and don't get "you must pee and poo outside cuz that's the house rules". And apparently Oscar and Morgana don't care to tell her the rules. Probably cuz they are hiding from the squirt bottle thinking "better her than us!". ROFL Seriously, she's fine. She'll continue to be fine. It is all funny and good. She'll figure out the rules. It takes time. We are dog people and totally know it!

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Good Lord!!

2009-09-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

I will get my calories burned today running around with a squirt bottle yelling "NO BARKS"!!

I'm fur-baby sitting my little fur-niece, Maddy for the weekend. She's a bouncy little thing! Holy Banana Feathers! Having never really spent a whole lotta time here, she's just learning the rules. And of course, I'm learning her. And learning that this dog does what she wants whenever she wants and refuses to listen. LOL She is currently soaked and loves the squirt bottle. I squirt her and say "Shhh, No Barks" and she runs like a ghost is on her ass, barking her head off! My dogs are quivering under the coffee table, cuz they HATESES the squirt bottle.

Twill be a fun weekend!

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Oh My Lungs!

2009-09-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

This cold is not in my sinus' thank goodness. Lots of nose running, just no stuffiness. But the coughing and such, oy!

In my quest to get my ass moving withOUT killing myself, I walked uptown to the library today and got me a library card! I don't know why I haven't done this before. You could have knocked me over when I was told that you can only borrow 60 items at a time. 60?? Seriously? Who can read 60 books in three weeks????

I'm such a geek, I even logged onto one of the computers there to post that I was logging on from the library on my FaceBook. Yep, I'm THAT geek.

I rented... no BORROWED (I was corrected by the librarian) three books:

PS, I Love You
How to Enjoy a Scandal (smut)
and
Live Right for Your Type

The live right book I thought was the Eat Right for your type, but it's like the third or fourth installment. It's very ... scientific. Don't know if I'll be reading the whole thing. Normally I hate non fiction stuff. But I'll slog my way through a bit and see if I come out with any interesting tidbits.

There were no Jillian Michaels books, but maybe they were borrowed. Apparently, you can go online somehow and request to reserve them. I'll have to figure that out. HER books I'll read! Other than that... yeah, I like smut. :)

Breakfast this morning was super yum! I had cottage cheese with a banana, almonds and choc chips.

Lunch was a plate of nachos. Cheese and chips. Boooo.

Snack was a cup of decaf and a corned beef sandwich, no butter or mayo, with hot mustard, sprouts and tomato in a cafe while I read. Twas nice.

Dinner is a salad with balsamic vinegar on it. Little bits of almond, onion and craisins, and a baked chicken breast.

I'll have to pop onto NutriMirror and see what my calories are at for the day.

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Weekend from Hell

2009-09-01T18:10:00.001-07:00

Actually, my weekend was incredibly awesome... which as usual means hellish for the living healthy lifestyle.

Saturday was a day of wine and party foods. I did stick to mainly healthy options at the baby shower, but there was this dip... it was creamy and horseradishy and bacony... sooo good. Definately most of my calories that day came from wine, though.

Sunday was party time! Such an awesome wingding. Again with the wine... as well as Captain Bombs. :)

The food there was wicked, and again, I chose mostly healthy options. My steak, a few baby potatoes (although they were buttered and yummy), a few chips (but I forced myself to stay away from them overall), some fruit, a couple of bits of biscotti... hmmm, maybe not so bad, really. Except in the alcohol department. That was atrocious.

Monday was ridiculous. Waking up hammered out of my skull at 8am (what the hell is WRONG that I cannot sleep in???) was not condusive to eating anything at all. Coffee and water and Vitamin B were on the agenda. I don't even remember eating lunch. I'm sure I had something, and it was probably half way healthy, since that's pretty much all we have in the house. I slept the afternoon away. Oh wait! I had chinese for lunch. Not healthy at all. Nevermind.

Dinner was not happening. I was not cooking. My hangover was full blown and I was not moving. Steve ordered salads from Dino's and I had a Shrimp Louie with blue cheese dressing and cheese toast.

This meant I woke up this morning CRAVING nutrition. It was crazy.

I started my day with cottage cheese and ground flax.

Chased with a pear, milk and vitamins.

Lunch was a tuna wrap, which I forgot to take a picture of. :)

Snack was yogurt with granola and craisins (needed to hit the farmers market for more freggies).

After the farmers market, I had the fixins for a yummerific veggiful dinner. I, um, actually ate it before I took a picture, so this is the leftovers. Hee hee.

In there is some bonesless skinless chicken thighs, bean sprouts, yellow pepper, onion, purple onion, mushrooms and garlic. Throw in a bit of low sodium soy sauce, a sprinkle of sesame oil and a sploosh of terriyaki, cover that badboy with some toasted almonds and voila: dinner!

Tomorrow is soccer. Woot! I was wearing my cleats around the house today. Boo that they are too big. I will have to wear a few pairs of socks in them. Let's hope I don't get a blister.

That's about all I got for ya today. Sorry about the radio silence. I was in no shape in some form or another all weekend. Good times!

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Epic = Epic

2009-08-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Epic party last night equals epic fail at working today.

I woke up at 8am (what the hell is wrong with my body that I physically cannot sleep in no matter how late and drunk I was getting home??) still hammered out of my tree. I had to get up, because the damn room was spinning out of control.

I didn't throw up, but it was damn close at 10am. Like, sitting staring into the toilet bowl, spitting the waterfall of drool, kinda close.

Now, I need chinese food. Stat.

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Midnight Madness

2009-08-29T12:51:00.003-07:00

I was out in Zellers last night for the sale, looking for runners. It's a BoGo sale, so I ended up getting cleats for $12!! WOOT!!!

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Soccer

2009-08-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

Here I thought I had already posted about soccer, but I see I didn't!

Wednesday night, a few of us met up on a soccer field and had our first informal practice session. What a hoot!! We kicked and played, and did drills, and it was a blast.

A friend of my son's, Adam, is our coach. He tried out for the Whitecaps a few years ago, and has a shelf of trophies and medals. He hasn't played in years, so when he heard me talking about getting together with the girls, he asked if he could join us. One thing led to another, and now he's "Coach Adam".

He put us through our paces. Taught us a LOT. It was total fun.

The funniest part was when we collapsed, ready to call it quits... and then realized we had only been at it for 35 minutes.

The session ended up being called on account of "blister". Poor Erica. I hope she is okay. It was a DOOZY!!!

I thought I'd be sore the next day. I'm used to running, but not in spurts. Not full speed. Not kicking a ball. Turned out I'm awesome! Not an ache or pain in sight.

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Okay, so pics suck... lol

2009-08-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Seriously... will I ever get back into the swing of food blogging? Maybe one day, with a better camera. But these pictures suck. It's like my camera is slowly dying, one crappy pic at a time.

After I get my laptop, I'm throwing a new camera request out to the universe.

Here is my morning ritual this week: cottage cheese, blueberries and ground flax. Looks scrumptious, huh? Well, it tasted better than it looked.

The exception was Thursday morning, when I felt like pewp. Egg whites with Red Onions, and coffee.

Lunch today was a toasted wrapwich. 4oz of steak, tomato and cheese with onions (it was a big onion, and I gotta use it up before it goes bad. You'll see LOTS of onion in the next few days)

I'm totally stoked about soccer right now, I gotta tell ya. Wednesday nights, rain or shine. It's gonna be a blast.

Oh, I guess that's another thing I gotta throw out to the universe. Cleats (size 7.5 ladies), socks and shin guards. :)

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Lator Gators...

2009-08-27T19:11:00.001-07:00

I will post more in depth tomorrow. In fact, remind me to tell you about my first soccer thingy!

Right now a couch and remote are calling to me. They want to be tied to my ass and hand respectively.

They shall win. My swollen glands have decided.

:)

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Interesting Approach

2009-08-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, when you have a blog you get approached with different things. Some are great (free yogurt and POM come to mind), while others... just are not a fit.

Today I received this:

Hi there,

My name is Amanda and I’m with Rocket XL, a marketing agency based in Los Angeles. Based on your site’s focus on fitness, weight-loss and health, I wanted to extend an invitation to you to join our online review team for Sensa, which is an easy-to-use weight-loss system that can boost your already existing efforts.

We’d love to send you a FREE 3-month Sensa Starter Kit (a $197 value) to review and hope you will share your thoughts and experiences with your readers. We also will give you a unique code that will allow your readers to get a Sensa Trial Kit FREE for 60-days. In addition, we will be running a contest where the site that has the highest number of trials will win some great prizes!

Please let me know if you are interested and I will follow up soon with more details about the campaign and prizing opportunity. We’d love to have your influential voice included. Thanks for taking the time to consider this opportunity – looking forward to hearing back from you!

Take care,
Amanda
(email removed)

Let me tell you... I was intrigued. So much so that I went online and did some investigating. And this was my response to Amanda:

Hi Amanda,

I took some time and researched the product online before making my decision.

While I appreciate your approach and offering of the opportunity to try Sensa, I will have to decline. My approach to healthy living and weightloss has always been about doing it naturally, using clean eating and moving of my ass. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Good luck in your campaign. I know that there will be many takers.

Highest Regards,
Dee

Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.

So there you go, folks... I am fighting the good fight. Now, I'm not saying that these products don't work. And I'm not saying I'll judge you for trying them. But for me, it's a no-brainer. All of the "diets" over the years have proven one thing and one thing only in my mind. They don't work long term like changing your lifestyle does.

Vive Le Lifestyle!!

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Another day in the life...

2009-08-24T18:33:00.001-07:00

Well, the day started out dramaful (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to), but it was worked out and nipped. Suffice it to say, the breakup is complete, and that should be the end of my part of it.

Onward and upward!

This summer has been ridiculous as far as maintaining is going. I'm maintaining... ten pounds HIGHER than my highest I want to be. Pfft!!

So, the eats today had to be good, and I had to do some working out.

Eats: (no pics still... damn camera is hating on the batteries. dunno why, other than it's old and persnickety)

Breakfast: cottage cheese, ground flax & blueberries, milk and vitamins
Lunch: double italian bison cheeseburger (yep AND stayed within caloric budget. HA!)
Dinner: cod burrito & salad
Snack later: yogurty goodness (yogurt, fruit, granola, choco chips)

Excercise: 266 calories burned on a power walk that was an hour long.

Now, onto the interesting stuff...

I ran an experiment last week. I wanted to see how many calories my body burns on an average work day with no excercise. So at 9:30 pm I strapped myself in to my HRM and prepared for bed. Here are my posts on NutriMirror:

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An experiment...

I'm running an experiment with my heart rate moniter. I'm wearing if for a 24 hour period of normal activity with no excercise, just to see what my caloric burn is. Interesting, huh?

The only thing is that the sensors dried out while I was sleeping, so it didn't register, but I have no idea for how long! So I may be off by a couple or a couple of hundred.My thought is I'll have to do it again, without the sleeping part, and work out the difference... no, that won't work. Hrmph. Any suggestions? Can I stick wet cotton balls between the sensors and my skin?

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The Experiment... Results

The result: After 24 hours the HRM reads 1540 calories burned.

Factors:
- No excercise.
- Average work day.
- Sensors dried and don't know how long it went without recoding while I slept. Probably not more than 300 calories. During the day was 1300, so what do you think... a third the calorie burn while sleeping? Anyone know?

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The Experiment... cont'd

I've been googling like mad and found that I burned around 660 calories while I slept (according to this)

Does that seem high to anyone else? Mind you, another site said we burn approximately 77 calories an hour whilewe sleep, which (yes I slept ten hours) would be 770, so maybe not.

That puts my grand total during a non excercise day at ... 2200 calories??? Really??? Whoa! To maintain!!

I don't think that's right. It seems much too high. That would mean that to lose a pound a week I should be eating 1600 calories, without excercise (plus any excercise calories earned). Yet when I eat around that, I don't lose at all.

Harumph. Back to the drawing board.

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So? What's your thoughts? Care to weigh in, so to speak? I'd love to hear everyone's opinion...

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When it rains...

2009-08-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

I hurt. Emotionally. So much so that I'm having nightmares about a past person that I've split with. Vivid nightmares of being forced into confrontation with. I never remember my dreams, so really tripping me out.

Then I open my email to find that I suck.

Sigh.

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PMS or Stress??

2009-08-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I tell ya, I'm double whammied right now. The stress I'm under plus the fact I'm PMSing is making me want to inhale everything in my kitchen then hit every drive thru in town.

How am I dealing with this? Well, instead of eating large meals, I'm eating half the size. Enough that logically I know I am fueled and satisfied. Because I also KNOW I'll be back in that kitchen in less than two hours rummaging again.

So I am doing my best to stay within my caloric budget while allowing for my insane hunger and need to eat frequently.

Sigh.

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Shitty, Shitty, Shitty, Shitty

2009-08-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

I have a friend. Or I should say, I HAD a friend, who had some behaviour issues that I took great offense to. I decided to fade away, but ended up called out today and had to tell her exactly why I was distancing myself.

I would have MUCH rather not have hurt her, and in fact avoided it as much as possible for as long as I could... until being told to "put on my big girl panties and just say what is really wrong".

Sigh.

So that was how my day started. Nice, huh?

Truth be told, I feel sorry for her. I do feel bad that she is hurting. As I would for any human being that is hurting. It must suck to be in her shoes today.

Although, she's probably righteously indignant and in complete denial and calling me all sorts of names. *shrug* Whatever.

The rest of my day went pretty good! I was able to put it behind me and move on.

Dinner is scrumpdillyumptuous I tell you! I cooked up some cod, then flaked it with some garlic, lime juice and taco seasoning. On a garlic pesto wrap I forked 1/2 an avocado and 10 grams of cheddar cheese, then 60 grams of the seasoned fish. Baked it in the toaster oven at 350 for 10 minutes, then flipped it and baked for another five. Served with three ounces of mixed baby greens and a tablespoon of balsamic, it's a treat for only 418 calories!!

I wish I had a pic, but the kid is not back from camp with my camera.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Right? RIGHT???

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Tuesday? Not Friday? Damn...

2009-08-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, it's not that bad actually. I'm enjoying my week! It's nice to have the house completely to myself until 4pm. I can wander nekkid into the kitchen for my morning coffee and not have to worry about listening for anyone coming in. Freedom!

I said I was getting bored with my meals so I switched it up a wee bit today. And I'm likin' it!

Breakfast was a little cup of cottage cheese (but it was 1% with Howaru 'biotics, and I really prefer fat free), with a slice of dry whole wheat toast and a cup of blueberries. Ha! Totally different than my usual oatmeal or yogurty goodness!!

Lunch I had leftover veggies and wild rice from last night, but then I saved half for snack later today. Mainly cuz I wanted to eat my cod sandwich. Yep, cod sandwich. I went to M&M's and got a box of cod fillets. I soaked one in lime juice, and covered it in garlic powder stuff, then nuked it for three minutes. Slap that badboy on a piece of whole wheat bread with a slice of cheese and Bob's your Uncle!

Dinner is going to be chicken legs and salad with balsamic vinegar.

I'm thinking of doing some activity this afternoon. I don't really need to, on the caloric front, but in the name of toning and longevity, I might as well.

That's funny, actually, cuz I was talking with Mag while she was here and we were out on a run on the dyke (stop giggling), and I told we were having a "who is a lazier excerciser" discussion. I really only excercise to eat. I calculate my calories for the day, and if I want more, I have to move for it. It works pretty well for me. Normally. Right now I have to be in weight loss mode, as I'm up in the mid 150's again (dammit).

It's the fricken weekends that do it to me!! Why must I party and eat? WHY????

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Lists Galore

2009-08-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

How cool is this list of Lunches Too Awesome To Eat??

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Pants are Tight

2009-08-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

So what possessed me to bake bread??

Restraint will be my middle name this week. Balance and restraint.

I bought cottage cheese. I miss it, despite the sodium.

I think I'm getting bored of my regular eats. Time to switch it up a bit and source out some new ideas for meals. Tonight I had a steak, and for a side I steamed a pot of corn and swiss chard stalks, and added a half cup of wild rice to it. Twas yummy, and NOT salad.

I have no pics. I've given the boy the camera for camp.

Speaking of camp, it's NAKED WEEK! No kids!! Love it!!

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Cracks Me Up!!

2009-08-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

My sister went to Niagra Falls. There she went into the giftstore and asked for the TACKIEST thing in the store. Then she calls me with the question "Red, Blue or White", to which I reply "red". this is what she comes home with for me:

I love that it says "wild child" on it!

So it was used in honour of Mag at the party last night... lol.

Seriously hilarious. :)

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Best Salad Addition EVER!

2009-08-11T18:03:00.001-07:00

Fresh dill.

Mmmmm.

That is all.

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Is it Tuesday?

2009-08-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I actually had to look at my calendar to see.

Sorry I haven't been around too much. The funeral for Opa is Thursday, and then I got a call last night that an old dear friend lost his father, and the funeral is on Friday. I didn't know his father, but I have to go to support him.

Do you do that? Do you judge going or not based on your relationship with the deceased? Or with the survivors? For me it's the survivors. I know that it's important to my BIL that we be there. So I am going. Of course, I would have gone anyways to honour Opa. But it added a level of importance when he said that he wanted "his people" there. I cried at being labeled his people. I just love him so much.

I finally had the opportunity to get him talking last night, so he could articulate what he went through. I find it so therapeutic to talk it out, and I know my sister does. But she has had two opportunities, and I didn't think he had had any. So last night I worked on drawing him out, and getting him to share. I hope it helped in some small way.

I've been not bad with the eating. I've been not great at the pictures, lol. But here are a couple from yesterday:

Lunch was a baked wrap and greek salad with no dressing. It's only veggies and feta.

However, lunch ended up being over 700 calories, so salad was on the menu for dinner! Balance, balance, balance.

I am looking forward to this week being over.

On the bright side, Magda comes back for a couple of days. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

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Happy Saturday!

2009-08-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

I have been so good this week!! Well, good enough to have lost four pounds, anyways. The scale says 153.2 this morning. I still am not happy about being in the 150's but considering Tuesday morning it said 157, I'm okay with this mornings WI.

I wanted to get back into taking pics of my food, but yeesh, I kept forgetting! Two days of eating and I have a grand total of two pics.

An egg white cheese omelet with a side of raspberries:

A chicken quesadilla with a side salad. That dip is ff plain yogurt.

It's been a crazy couple of days. My brother in law (BIL)'s Opa is very sick. Sick to the point where the family is all driving, flying, and busing in to say goodbye. It's a very sad time for my sister's family. My heart goes out to them. The group of us are rallying around and helping out where we can, tagging off to each other. I'm out today, as I have an important engagement and know that the others are tagged in. I'll be back in tomorrow.

Being around all that devastation and sadness is really hard. Losing people ... well, losing people sucks. When we lost our mom, it was to suicide, and the anger and loss were astronomical. This scenario is totally different because they have had a couple of days warning so were able to call everyone in to say goodbye, and Opa has had the chance to say what he wants to each of his children and grandchildren. There have been some damn heartbreaking conversations. Some of which have been a long time coming, I bet.

Is it bad that I am glad to be on the fringes of this one? As sad as I am for them all, I'm breathing a wee sigh of relief that I'm not close to Opa. Of course I'm upset that he's dying... He is family and I do know him. But I'm not close, you know? It's bad enough watching my BIL suffer through the tears of the elongated losing of a parent figure (Oma and Opa raised him, long story), without having them myself. That seems so selfish to me, but it's how I feel.

On the other hand, it allows me to flutter around the edges picking up pieces and hugging where needed. I can be a rock. I can be their strength. I can hold my sister and allow her to be wimpy and weepy so that she can soak in my strength to be the rock for her husband and children.

Their life is in limbo right now, waiting. What an awful wait. I don't want limbo EVER. I don't want death EVER. I don't want to lose anyone EVER. (throwing that out to the universe)

I feel a little guilty that I'm not available tonight. I feel like I have to justify going to this party tonight. I know that my sis would scoff at me (and probably will). I'm going out early to help my friend who's husband is the Guest of Honour at the suprise party. She had surgery a couple of weeks ago, and I'm going to clean her house with her (for her) today before the party. She's a typical woman in that she cannot let it go undone. So I threw on my Superman cape and am running to her rescue.

This week that cape is permanently sewed to my neck I think. I love wearing it for my people, I hate that there are circumstances which forces it to come out, you know?

Anyways... my heart is with my sister, my brother in law, my nieces, and their whole family today. It's going to be a rough weekend.

If you believe in it, say a prayer for their sanity. If you aren't a prayer, please send loving hug vibes their way.

Update: Opa passed away peacefully in the wee hours of this morning. Rest in Peace, Opa. Rest in Peace.

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A New Eat to ♥

2009-08-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

Balsamic vinegar. Yup. Simple, huh?

Magda made me an easy dressing with balsamic and olive oil, plus a little splooge of mustard to hold it together. I ran out. But I didn't really want to recreate it, because I'm in weight loss mode and holy crappers the calories in olive oil!! I know I need healthy oils, but come ON. I eat a lot of salad.

(Hmmm, thought tangent... need to calculate how I'm doing in the healthy oil category... although, actually, I have modified my NutriMirror to reflect a higher fat ratio than normal, as I have ridiculously dry skin and excema, and I work to keep it in the green. So nevermind.)

So instead I grabbed the balsamic bottle and just put it straight onto my salad. Guess what? It's fanTAStic! Okay, not as good as the dressing that Mag made, but damn it's tasty, and it's a fraction of the calories! (10 vs 70)

Today is a good eating day. And I worked out, which I didn't get to yesterday, despite my JFT plan. My eating has been healthy and wonderful!

Breakfast: Egg white omelet wrap w/ avocado, milk & vitamins 469 Calories
Lunch: Steamed cod & spinach sandwich with winter squash soup 407 Calories
Snack: Yogurt, granola, blueberries, raspberries, banana and dark chocolate chips 276 Calories
Dinner: Lemon Herb Chicken on spinach salad with hard boiled egg whites and feta (and balsamic!) 212 Calories

I shoulda taken pics... but I didn't. I'll get back to that, I promise!

I strapped the ol' HRM on today and fucked around between doing step aerobics and running on the treadmill as I was wrassling my stupid computer. I didn't burn a ton of calories, but it was better than nothing, and it made my day green on NutriMirror, which really is all I care about right now. Having my weight where it is, I am freaking out a little tiny bit. I am so scared to become a statistic. I have to do something about it NOW.

And yet... today as I'm treadmilling, I see a commercial for a Girl Guide Thin Mint Cookie Blizzard, and actually starting justifying in my head why I could go and get one. HELLO!!! Jeeez, I'm an addict.

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Want to be a Runner?

2009-08-05T09:55:00.001-07:00

Women's Health put out this great list!

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R&R in Kelowna

2009-08-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

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What a Weekend!!

2009-08-04T11:40:00.001-07:00

Scale this morning read 157.2.

Ouch.

But I had an amazing weekend and am sooo relaxed... outside of the pain, that is. Kneeboarding and tubing fucked me up. Slamming repeatedly onto the water did an amazing amount of damage to my body. The bruises all seem to be internal, because how my main colour is not green, black and blue is beyond me.

As soon as I have pics I will post them!

I am game on, baby. I know the scale will reflect a loss all week as I work out and eat sensibly. It's just a water gain from alcohol and a bit of indulging on the weekend. Overall I ate pretty good though so I'm not worried about it.

Time to strap on the ol' nutrition bag and get my ass moving for real. I've been dabbling at excercise but not committed.

I commit to me, here and NOW.

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Baked Dill Pickle Lays

2009-07-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

These badboys are calling me in the WORST way. I shared a bag with my niece last night, and I want more now. I want to sit down with an entire bag and just happily crunch my way through some mindless TV.

I am FIGHTING this craving MADLY.

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Thowing it Out to the Universe...

2009-07-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

I have this theory. When I throw something out to the universe, usually it ends up coming to me. Some equate it to "The Secret". Some believe you reap what you sow. I think those are all based on a truth.

So I'm throwing this out to the universe. I am going to receive a laptop, for free or next-to-free sometime in the near future.

I have always said I would never have a use for one, but actually, watching my sister playing outside in the sun with hers made me kinda jealous of her fun. And it got me thinking... Steve HATES that I spend so much time reading blogs. Really, he hates me spending time not on the couch beside him. So he watches a lot of movies I wouldn't like, football, Outer Limits and stuff. Meanwhile, he misses me while I'm in my office, blogging away. If I had a laptop, he could still watch his stupid stuff, and I could sit beside him, snuggle on his lap, and read my blogs! I do it with magazines, and he's always happy. A laptop would add huge amounts of couch time to our togetherness. And I'd probably get more done during the day, because right now I spend the entire day in front of the computer, jamming in my blog reading so as to spend the evening with him as much as possible, and then wonder why the house never gets cleaned.

So there it is. I'm throwing it out to the universe that I am going to receive for free (or next-to free) a laptop in the near future. I've even gotten a password for my wireless internet!!

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Slams Head on Desk

2009-07-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

So then, last night, Logan (son) brings home a cheesy chickeny quesadilla thing, and SOMEHOW about six bites landed in my mouth.

GAWD.

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What a Day!

2009-07-28T17:52:00.001-07:00

My ex DIL had a baby this morning, and I was a little sad that it wasn't my grandbaby. The fact that my DIL is expecting is a blessing today, lemme tell ya! Okay, it's a blessing every day, but today it helped me to not be sad.

I got to go to the hospital to meet little Taylor Rae which was fantastic! Not so fantastic was what took me to the hospital in the first place. We were getting X-Rays to see if Logan broke his foot jumping into the river and hitting rocks. Turns out it's not broken, but it might be ligament damage. We'll be seeing the doctor on Friday when he gets the results. What's ironic is his big brother broke his foot this summer, too, jumping into a lake and hitting a rock. I told them that I'm writing a script called "Two Idiot Sons - One Summer". I'll make millions and they get none. LOL

Despite no snack today, and the immense pull to snarf anything via drivethru, I did amazing with food! I had done a JFT (Just for Today) over on NutriMirror, and I stuck to it!

JFT I will:

- get 30 minutes of excercise (I washed the car... what? It's moving my ass!!)
- I will have no extra treats. (done!)
- I will stick to my meal plan. (I did!)
- I will drink all my water. (Yep!)

So what did I eat, you ask? Well... lemme tell ya!

Breakfast was my current favourite. You'll be seeing a lot of this. 1/4 cup yogurt (plain, fat free), 50 blueberries, 1/2 a banana, 1/4 cup granola and 1 tablespoon dark chocolate chips.

Lunch was a delicious wrap: garlic pesto wrap, 6 buffalo meatballs, spinach & 1/2 an avocado.

Dinner was buffalo again. Buffalo burger with melted cheese, 1/4 avocado, and spinach. The salad was mixed baby greens with a tablespoon of feta, 1/4 of a tomato, and a sprinkle of balsamic vinegrette. Le sigh... divine!

Steve just got a call from our neighbour, who bought a motorbike today. So they are going for a ride tonight. I'm so glad he has others to play with!! I love that he has his own little clique. He's so happy, and I love when he is happy.

Have a WONDERFUL night everyone!!

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I ♥ My Husband

2009-07-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

I had all intentions of laying on my couch and feeling sorry for myself and watching movies all day yesterday. Instead, I found myself hiking on the Resevoir Trail around Hayward Lake.

Steve knew that was something on my list of wants. Knowing me as he does, he asked me yesterday if I wanted to, and how could I say no?? First off, I absolutely LOVE doing things like that with him, since most of my activity is solo. Second, I can see right through him to his wonderful heart of good intentions. So "yes" it was!

We had planned to go all the way around, which is 16 km. However... it's 16 km of insane trails, not city streets. We got an hour and twenty minutes in, when I could hear Steve panting and puffing behind me, and knew he was not going to make it. We turned around and headed back.

We were in the trails for 2 hours and 40 minutes if intense hiking. It was AWESOME!!! We got out just in time. There was a thunderstorm warning yesterday, and it hit when we were less than three minutes from driving away from the parking lot. It was so bad we had barely any visibility. Steve would have melted and been VERY upset to be caught in it. So it was a great thing that we turned around when we did.

I'm sore this morning. My hips and back are feeling it. I'm sure Steve is, too. I haven't talked to him yet, since I just got up. He's watching a football game in the living room so I came straight in here. But I'll be doping him up with ibuprofen, and see if I can get him out for a twenty minute walk to get the gunk out of his muscles. I doubt if he believes me that he'll feel better. He looked pretty skeptically at me last night when I mentioned it.

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Status Update: Dee...

2009-07-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

... is feeling beaten down.

... knows it will all work out.

... has enough to cover her bills.

... is trying not to think about losing Unc.

... is trying not to think negative lumpy thoughts.

... is crying.

... didn't get up to hug her sister goodbye this morning, and is incredibly heartbroken about it.

... knows she'll see her in three weeks and is happy about it.

... is needing some mom time on the phone soon. Maybe tomorrow?

... is thinking "that one I should post on FB".

... is looking at the clock and wishing she was tired.

... is going to watch some Ruby on tv.

... loves Ruby.

... may be back.

Edit:

... remembers having Oolong tea at dinner, and a Lipton's Green Tea, and now wonders if one or both had caffiene.

... is enjoying a good wallow.

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Firday

2009-07-24T12:29:00.001-07:00

I just ate an entire box of Amy's Organic Shells & White Cheese.

And I liked it.

(actually, I really did... I recommend the product... just not a whole box)

I also plan on eating absolute crap for dinner. Then I commit that tomorrow morning (yes, an actual SATURDAY) I am back in the groove, tracking and excercising and making good choices.

I'm at 155lbs, and that cannot be.

Well it can, cuz it is, but I'm going to do something about it before it becomes a permanent problem, dammit. I will STOP eating my emotions. Tomorrow.

:)

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Clearing my head

2009-07-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

I went for a long run today to try and clear my head. I tried purging into my blog, my last post. But I have to admit, I'm pretty fucked up about potentially losing Unc. It's weighing very very heavily on me.

Running actually didn't help.

Popcorn did. A little.

I'm such an addict.

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Yay and Sigh

2009-07-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm working away in my office, and I hear my dogs go absolutely ape-shit. I come out to see Unc standing in my entrance hall.

Backstory: Unc is my mom's brother. My mom that is my sister's bio mom, the one that died in 97 by her own hand. Unc and I were always close. Closer than my sis was to him, only because I have the ability to tolerate alcoholism more than she does. She loves him just as much, but from a further distance. But somehow we lost touch... Unc was under the impression that we "disowned" him after sis's wedding, as we never really talked after that. I can't speak for anyone else, but as for me... well, I suck. I am a sucky friend, relative, niece, etc, in that I never call. I've never been the kind that calls. And over time, I lost his number, forgot which place was his, and just kinda fell out of touch for no reason. And now, five years have passed...

Back to present day: I pretty much flung myself into his arms, I was soooo incredibly happy to see him. I adore Unc!! He was very standoffish, so I talked with him, after ge have me his deets, and this was when he told me why he thought we hadn't talked for so long. Needless to say, I was incredibly sad that he was under that impression.

He also told me, in a very casual and offhand way, that he has stomach issues. Diarhea, stomach pain and such, and from the testing they have done, they have found lumps and shadows on his lungs, liver and other places in his body. His entire family died of cancer. He smokes and drinks excessively. (he says he doesn't drink like that anymore... a bit, not excessively)

I asked if he was worried (dumb question, but whadda ya say??), and he said "Nah, life is just like that, shit happens". Which, actually, for Unc is about right... lol.

As we were standing in the kitchen talking, he mentions that Rob is out talking to Tracy (my brother, talking to his wife). OMG!! I went running out, and hugged the CRAP out of her, LOL. Then we proceeded to have a really great visit. I found out that Unc works almost seven days a week at the mill. He's paid off Revenue Canada (took five years, but he's now clear!), paid off his vehicles, and is actually settled into married life and living well! Nice!!

I am going to have to make effort in this relationship that I don't normally make. Too much time has gone by. He's probably dying. God it hurts to write that...

Unc is going to take Steve on a roadtrip on Aug 15th. I want Steve to go, because I want them to have the memories together. It will be fantastic for them both. Unc will feel important, having moulded Steve's bike driving, and Steve looks to Unc as a mentor. I'm very excited for them both.

I'm worried that Unc and sis will not be able to get past (is that the right phrase?? I dunno...) the wedding. I recall Unc up at the podium giving a speech, sounding completely sloshed. He insists he had been up for 36 hours (having come from work), had only had a couple of drinks, and was NOT sloshed. And he's completely offended that it was assumed he was. I'm really really hoping that the topic just doesn't come up. I'm really really hoping that because there is NO way he will back down. He and sis are so much alike (in odd ways, not all) and each are the type to feel very strongly about how they feel something happened, or didn't happen. And he's an old codger who has his knickers in a knot. But I get the feeling that he wants to reconnect. That he's worried that he's dying, and wants to put it behind. I hope so, anyways.

Oy vey. All I know is that I love him. I've always loved the asshole. He's my asshole. Know what I mean??

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My Tuesday

2009-07-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

It started out well. Near the last hour of my work, Doug and Ash (my son and his babymama) came and asked how long I was going to be, so we could go hang out at the lake. I rushed through the last bit, dragged Mag quickly through her shopping, called them back... dissappointment. Now the people they are hanging out with don't want to go to the lake.

I can't even begin to tell you how bummed I was. I became instantly super bitchy and had to analyze why. I figured it out that it was because I was really looking forward to spending time with them both. I haven't seen Ashleigh since before she went on vacation, and I really wanted her to hang out with Magda and get to know her. And I just wanted some face time with them as a couple, because I enjoy them so much.

So having figured that out, I was able to let go of a lot of my anger. Instead, I flounced outside (after sunscreening, mom) and lay reading. Who knew THAT was going to turn so fabulous!

First fab thing was seeing my niece. She's been away for 20 looong days. I loved catching up with her and questioning her on her experience. I always enjoy chatting with her. It's rare to get her chatting on her own... she tends to look to her mom or whomever is with her to answer things for her (she's shy). So I really focused on asking her specific things, to get her talking. Very very enjoyable. I want more of that time with her very soon before everything is forgotten (all the little things).

Then, Mag and I are out on the blanket, and I'm reading this book called Postcards from the Edge, by Carrie Fisher (you may recognize it was a movie). It's funny and startling and sad. I read exerts to Mag and then we discovered we have a mutual love. Reading. I like reading aloud, and she likes listening to books on tape. So I ended up reading to her for a few hours. It was absolutely awesome!!! I hope we get to finish the book before she leaves on Friday. If not, I'll record it as an MP3 and send it to her, so she can listen at her convenience.

Anyway, I didn't get to run again. I HURT from the day before. Ibuprofen is my friend, I tell ya. Definatley something in the works today, as far as excercise goes.

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Back at it!

2009-07-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I damn near killed myself by running 6.81 km in 48 minutes... mainly cuz I have not excercised since getting sick. Capacity is most definately down.

Turns out Magda is right... she said to me that once I had a HRM and saw for myself how many more calories are burned during running vs other excercises, I would become a runner. It might happen. Maybe. No promises.

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omg YUMMY

2009-07-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days when your food is the BEST EVER and you wonder why you don't eat this stuff EVERY DAY? That's today.

Breakfast: yogurt, kiwi, blueberries, almonds, choco chips, granola.

Lunch: salad w/ balsamic, wrap w/ egg white, mushroom, M&M veggie burger, avocado & cheese.

I think I'm going to play with the colours on here... gonna go blue maybe. I'm bored with the pink.

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Yay Me!

2009-07-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

I gotta tell ya, I've been pretty damn proud of myself this last week. I was over at my sister's house on Tuesday, and it was after dinner, when they ordered chinese and offered me some. Oooo man, did I want it. But I said "no thank you".

Wednesday around 9pm, I got really hungry. I snuffled through my kitchen, and instead of making a bowl of popcorn, or eating something decadent and meaty like I wanted, I ate a Praeventia bar for 100 calories and was totally satisfied.

Today I have stuck to my caloric budget, upping my veggie intake. And I feel good. I haven't been excercising because of this cold, so eating 1200ish calories is not a lot of food. Unless it's veggerific.

This was my lunch. Spaghetti squash with veggie sauce and a salad with balsamic dressing and light parmesan.

And this was my dinner. A Guiltless Gourmet California Wrap, with salad and balsamic. That is fat free plain yogurt on my wrap, instead of sour cream.

Hubby is watching football, so I'm a widow tonight. But I'm tired, so I may lay on my bed watching food network (am I a glutton for punishment or what??) until I fall asleep. Of course, that is AFTER reading all the blogs I follow! Need to catch up!

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NSV

2009-07-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I thought it would be fun to take my sister to watch the bullriding. It actually never crossed my mind that she would WANT to bullride. My people tend to be watchers.

HA!

I rode the bull only at a private party, drunk and topless. It was a kick. It was probably 7-8 years ago, when I was about 180 lbs.

As my weight climbed, the chances of me getting back on that mechanical bull went from slim to none. Especially in the bar. No freakin way was I heaving my fat ass up on that thing, with all those young hotties that are there to watch the young hotties of the opposite sex ride. I know what people whisper and giggle to their friends.

Last night I had a major MAJOR anxiety attack. But I did it. I heaved my ass up on that bull. That was actually really difficult, because I didn't jump high enough. So it came to a point of "do I continue to struggle up, or drop down and try again". Then it became a battle of strength in my mind, and I was determined that I was not too fat to strength pull myself up. That moment felt like at least ten minutes. But I got up there.

I didn't last long. But it didn't matter. I was on the bull. With 100 people watching.

I love not being fat.

Now to fight the internal dialogue of "who wants to see a 40 year old woman up there. That's my next battle.

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Treadmills and Such

2009-07-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

The possibilities are ENDLESS when it comes to excercise equipment. You want to tone? You want to slim down? You want to bulk up? There are sooo many choices.

Treadmills: I really love mine. Some days, lol. When I want to watch a movie, I'll pop one in on the tv in front of my treadmill and enjoy a two hour walk. A great way to get moving and enjoy myself.

Elipticals: Trainers seem to have huge issues with these machines, not liking them. I haven't used one yet with my HRM, but I plan on it, so I can see if it's as "not worth it" as they say. There are people that swear by them for a whole body workout, and they are still around (unlike those belt hip shaky thingys), so there must be somthing good with them.

Bikes: I totally want one of these. But I need one with a wiiiiiiide seat. I hate how biking makes my butt hurt for days. I do love the workout, though.

What's your favourite piece of equipment? Do you own it, or is it at your gym? If you could have a home gym, what pieces would you have?

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Aging Parents

2009-07-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

My mom lives 12 hours away from me. She's still young, but I wonder sometimes (when I allow myself to go there) what's going to happen when she's old and decrepit (sorry mom!). It turns out there are some GREAT tools out there, such as Medical Alarm.

Remember those old ads with the lady on the floor? "Help, I've fallen! And I can't get up!" Sure, sure, we've all been smashed out of our trees and slurred that line, while our friends laughed hysterically (what, just me??), but actually, it's a damn good idea, these Medical Alarms.

The ones on this Medical Alarm page strikes me as a really great one, because it actually detects a fall. What if your elderly one falls, but cannot reach a button, or knocks themselves out, or pins their arms under something. Scary, but it could happen.

One item is a fall alert, the other is a GPS bracelet. A really good idea for those that have alzheimers, if you ask me.

It seems to me that as our parents age, we need to investigate the tools that are out there. Medical Alarms might be the way to go.

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Wednesday

2009-07-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

I really should get back into the swing of taking pics of my food. It made for more interesting posts, don'tcha think?

Actually, I've been really fantastic with my food choices since Monday. The scale said 156 Monday morning, and this morning it was 151.4. Still not great, but it shows that I'm doing the right things to get rid of the bloat.

I haven't been able to excercise because of this cold. I know that if I do, I'm prolonging the sickness. Walking to my couch is about as much energy as I have right now. The sinus' have cleared a bit, but the cough has kicked in. Gawd I hate being sick.

I pick up Magda at the airport today at 12:30. I missed her! You get used to high energy around you, lol. I'm thinking we might go to Rooster's for some bull riding tonight if she doesn't have other plans. We'll see. I won't be drinking, that's for sure. Cannot afford the calories OR the lowered immune system.

I have discovered the secret to a happy marriage. Chaps. Yep, ever since my hubby got a motorbike, I'm drooling on him all the time. He is so damn sexy in his leathers. It's added a whole new level of hotness to our marriage, I tell ya!

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Merritt = Insanity

2009-07-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

I ♥ Merritt. My girls and I went for three days of debaucherous fun, attending country concerts (highlights were Kenny Chesney, Paul Brandt, and the Steve Miller Band... the rest I don't remember as I was incredibly wasted the entire time).

The best part of Merritt is for sure the "wildlife". Lots and lots of wildlife... most wearing cowboy hats.

Eating was bad. As in, barely ate. Drank most of my calories. Twas rather fantabulous.

We decided that if there is a god, his name is Ken. As in the Ken doll muscles. All hail Ken. LOL

A picture is worth a thousand words... so here are my words on Merritt:

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Booooo to being in shape!!

2009-07-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

When one is in good physical shape, apparently one has to work harder. Booooo, I say!!! Booooo!!!!

I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred Level 1 (which kicks my ass), only to discover that it burns 137 calories. Um... WHAT??? Did the hrm not hear me say it kicks my ASS??? Hellooooooo.

So then I felt ripped off and did Cardio GoGo. Fun... but it only burns 174 calories.

Magda laughed at me.

She also said that I will probably end up being a runner now that I have a hrm, because she has found with hers that nothing burns more than running. Bang for your buck-wise. She can bike ride for two hours HARD, and burn the same calories in two hours as it takes in forty five minutes of running.

Sigh. Does this mean I have to become a runner??

Stay tuned.

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Resurgence

2009-07-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of this stuff?

As I age, and now that I don't have the fat to stretch out my skin, I am looking all over and I see there is a bizMILLION products out there. Resurgence is one.

Now, I haven't used it myself, so I cannot say if it really works or not. Has anyone else tried Resurgence Products? They do offer a full refund, even if the bottle is empty. (that's my kind of guarantee!)

They do have a few Resurgence Reviews on the page, too. But do you believe people you don't know? Were they paid to say these nice things? Or did they just shrug and try it, and end up really liking it? I do like that they are all in my age category.

And it is cheaper than a face lift, isn't it. LOL

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Wasn't that a party!

2009-07-06T08:31:00.001-07:00

Saturday night was devoted to Apple Pie Shooters and dancing and it was AWESOME!!!

You know it's a good party when you come out of it with soundbites. You know... the funny one liners that crack up anyone that was there but makes absolutely no sense to anyone that wasn't?

Here is a sampling:

I like sausage!
Is that your armpit?
Twelvety-five.
I will kiss you twelvety-five times on your cheek. (then points to forhead, and slowly corrects to cheek)

I know there is more, but I'm drawing a blank right now. I'll edit more in as I'm reminded.

Sunday was recovery. It is entirely possible that I was still drunk in the morning, because I felt great! And with the amount of shots I had... that should have not been the case. So, when hangover hit, around 4pm, I was a hurtin unit. And the only thing that could save me was sushi. Thank god for sushi. It really is a hangover miracle, isn't it?

I'm going to the Merritt Mountain Music Festival this weekend, and am STOKED. I have bought my booze, and have a line on my other festivity greenery, and will be intoxiCATED in the river come Friday. NICE.

I refuse to step on a scale right now, because I know it's bad. But I don't want that number in my head when I head out to Merritt in a bikini top. Numbers make me feel bad. The mirror is being nice to me, so I'm going to go with that, damn the consequences, and come back to a whole new view on life and back to balance.

I will be on vacation. I will enjoy it. I will drink and smoke my face off. And then I will be responsible again. And I will focus on my health again. And I will lose the few pounds that living in excess for a couple of weeks puts on. And I will enjoy myself in all areas of this journey.

Because that is what life is about.

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Friday Already? NOT Complaining!!

2009-07-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

Wow, this week has FLOWN by! And it has been so full, too. Having house guest (who is rather awesome) has thrown me off track, which it invariably does. Why oh why, do I seem to think that because someone is here, I can eat more? Hmmm? Last night we went for Starbucks, and I had my usual cold drink which is stupid low in calories, but I tacked on a cookie. THEN we were in Safeway, and they happen to carry the dill pickle baked chips I love that my regular store doesn't. Not only did I buy them, I took them home and ate the entire damn thing. WTF???

I definately see more excercise in my very very near future. The good news is that I did do a wicked workout on my treadmill yesterday, running then doing uphill walking while doing arm weights. My shoulders are screaming quietly at me this morning for it.

I have not been diligent in taking pics.

This has been my breakfast for the last two mornings. Knowing that I will probably indulge later, I have cut it down to 1/4 cup of each of the base ingredients instead of 1/3 of a cup. It still satisfies me nicely, and holds me to noon. I think I will be making this a permanent change.

At dinner time, I was in a dilemma. I love love love putting SF maple syrop in my mashed sweet taters. However, Steve doesn't like it. And it does make them ridiculously sweet, as the taters are so sweet on their own. So how can I get my lovely maple flavour and shut him up at the same time? I boiled a couple of maple TEA bags in the water and then used the tea to make my sweet taters. o.m.g. So good. I will definately do that again. And I deliberately did NOT ask him if he liked it, in case he didn't. If he says nothing, then it's his own fault. Right? RIGHT??

Lovely chopped sweet taters. YUM! (with lots left over, I'll be having this for lunch today, too)

Voila, dinner! Lambchop, mashed maple sweet potatoes, mixed weeks with blue cheese dressing.

And now the unveiling of my new toy... the Polar F7 Heart Rate Moniter!!!!

*pant pant pant* Isn't it GORGEOUS??? Magda covered most of it, and I sprung for the rest. There is NO way I would have justified spending for the cost of this on my own. She totally made it happen for me, and I am sooooo appreciative. And she was SO much fun shopping with, too. You would have howled at us in Coast Mountain Sports. And we play well together with the little boys, lemme tell ya. So much fun. Okay, he was like 12, the guy that helped us, but he was cuter than hell.

Then we hit a shoe store and I got to try on two of the CUTEST pairs of shoes. One was the J.Lo brand, and they were ADORABLE. But on sale at $30, I couldn't justify it after forking out for the HRM. Luckily I had a bonus at work yesterday, so I didn't even have to use my "own" money, per se.

I'm uber stoked for the weekend. I have to go shopping for my camping trip next week. I have to bake bread and make sandwiches for my party tomorrow night (Passion Party followed by Welcome Mag Party) and clean the house. I have to hit Costco at some point. And the liquor store. Gah!!! So much to do!!

I may not post this weekend. But I'll be here in spirit!!

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Gah!

2009-07-02T16:56:00.001-07:00

There are a RIDICULOUS number of gray hairs in my bangs.

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Polar or Timex??

2009-07-01T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously contemplating HRM (heart rate moniters).

From what I'm reading online, Polar is the most popular, and I'm leaning towards an F7.

Does anyone have some insight, input, personal experience, heard a friend talking about, or anything you can share with me to shed some light on this crazy world of WTF??

Side Note: I was doing yoga today, and Magda took the time to help me with my poses and posture. Do you know that you learn pretty much nothing about proper postures and proper yoga from a dvd?? LOL

Seriously... I thought I was a master. Soooo not. Soooo sore after her grueling session with me. Now I'm jonesing to go to a real yoga class and learn to do it right and get the most out of my body. I've just been playing at it. This shit can get REAL. eep.

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My sis is here!

2009-06-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

I picked Magda up from the airport last night. Note to self: don't arrive when the plane is DUE for international flights. Waiting sucks. Except for all the emotional reunions you end up seeing. That part is TOTALLY awesome! Parents greeting children who are leaping out of their skin they are so excited. Lovers reuniting, dropping everything and wrapping arms in hugs... so sweet. I smiled LOTS.

We were going to go for sushi (it was 9:30 when we got home and I had not had dinner) but by the time we busted my punk teenager in the shower with a girl (gawd, don't ask), and forced him into the car, no sushi places were open. A&W it was. They don't have that in Tapai, so Mag was a little kercited.

I'm kinda flying by the seat of my pants right now, so cannot commit to being perfect at taking pics. :)

This was my breaky yesterday. Strawberries, toasted almonds and dark chocolate. What a great combo, huh?

That sandwich is buffalo burger and avocado.

That dog REALLY wants that sandwich.

As I said, dinner was A&W. SO not healthy. And needless to say, my sodium is through the roof and I'm totally bloated. But it was good.

Breakfast this morning is an egg white omellette on corn bread. The bread is not a 10. I will be making whole wheat again. This is too dry and ... processed tasting. Despite having made it myself. I just really don't like white flour.

Does anyone know if you can substitute whole wheat flour for white straight across in a bread maker?? Cuz I could totally do this corn bread in a whole wheat fashion and probably like it.

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Guest Post: 5 S Factors That Hamper Health

2009-06-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

By-line:This article is written by Kat Sanders, who regularly blogs on the topic of xray tech salary at her blog The X-Ray Vision-aries Blog. She welcomes your comments and questions at her email address: katsanders25@gmail.com.

There is nothing in this world that is more valuable than your health, because when you have everything except health, you cannot enjoy what you do have because you’re prone to illness and disease that make your life miserable. So it makes sense that you protect your most valuable asset instead of abusing it like most of us do, and you can do this by reducing the five S factors that hamper your health:

· Sinful eating: When you live to eat instead of eating to live, you tend to gain weight and become prone to diseases like diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, cardiac arrests and strokes. You’re also likely to experience gastric problems and digestive trouble because your food habits are not healthy. Make the switch today to healthy food and include more wholegrain, nuts, low-fat dairy, lean meat, fruits and vegetables in your diet while you cut out the processed and fatty food.

· Sitting on your butt: When you lead a sedentary lifestyle, your fitness level is really poor and you run the risk of obesity and laziness. The less active you are, the more difficult it becomes to do even simple things like climbing stairs or walking down the street to the grocery store. Effect a significant change today and make sure you stay on your feet more, walk longer and further, climb stairs instead of taking the elevator, and best of all, get in at least 30 minutes of exercise every day.

· Smoking: Cigarettes, tobacco and nicotine are addictive; they burn a hole in your pockets and burn your lungs; they give you cancer and a host of respiratory illnesses. Say no to them today, before they end up smoking you out of this world.

· Stress: The healthiest people have been known to succumb to stress-related heart attacks and strokes. You may eat healthy and work out to maintain the perfect body, but when your mind and heart are stressed with work or any other problems; you’re prone to disease, and even death. Take some time to relax every day doing the things you like to do – meditation, playing a sport, spending time with your kids, just chilling out at home with a book and some wine, whatever’s your cup of tea to help you unwind.

· Sadness: When your heart is sad, your body feels miserable and unable to go about its duties. You feel lethargic and are unable to summon up the energy to go in to work or do whatever else you’re supposed to do. The only way to be happy is to be content with your life, have as few expectations as possible, and be as kind as you can to people you interact with every day.

Push these S factors out of your life at the earliest, and hit the road to a healthy and new you!

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DirecTV NFL

2009-06-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, are you like me? A football widow? Gah! The hockey season JUST ended, and football is about to begin.

But get this… not only can your man monopolize your TV, he can now monopolize your COMPUTER, too!! Here is this webpage called Blog Television. Does this mean you can watch on the computer? Or is this where you buy your NFL Sunday ticket? Or is it where you check your NFL Sunday ticket price? Or even your NFL Sunday ticket schedule? It best better NOT be where he sits his ass in front of MY computer and watches the game. Sheesh!

Gah!! Football & hockey… what’s next? The only great thing about it is that I can schedule some ME time on Sundays… lol. I have three hours to do what I want, where I want. I can go have coffee with the girls, or go for a pedicure. Hmmm, pedicure… haven’t done THAT in a while. I definitely see a football pedicure in my future.

Mind you... Steve is not computer savvy yet. I'm trying to keep him that way. This is a prime example of why. ROFL

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Phantom Fat

2009-06-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

Wow... we truly are NOT losing our minds. Read this article.

A segment of the article that really speaks to me (I bolded the really "relevant to me" bits):

Still focused on the fat

The findings suggest that “people who undergo major weight loss may experience improvements in satisfaction in appearance, though still not necessarily as much as someone who was never overweight,” Hrabosky explains. “But they are also still more invested or preoccupied with appearance than someone who was never overweight.”

Though she’s lost 50 pounds, Nell Bradley, 25, of Atlanta, says she’s more weight-conscious now than five years ago when she weighed 200 pounds.

“I’m so afraid of being that size again,” says Bradley, who exercises three to four times a week and watches her diet to keep her weight in check. She’d like to lose about 10 more pounds.

Even five years later, she still hasn’t shaken the image of her heavier self. “Now I’m down to 155 to 160 and I still feel like I'm at the weight that I was before,” she says. “It's weird because sometimes I'll shop and immediately look for clothes in my size when I was nearly 200 pounds. I always have problems seeing myself in the mirror or in pictures.”

Experts say part of the problem in our body-obsessed culture is that many women — and increasingly more men — have highly unrealistic expectations of what weight loss can do for them. Too often, they think hitting their ideal weight will make them look like a swimsuit model in a magazine, and they’re disappointed when that’s not the case.

People who expect perfection can “get stuck in dichotomous thinking that you’re fat or you’re perfect, and there’s no gray area in between**,” says psychologist Leslie Heinberg, who counsels bariatric patients at the Cleveland Clinic. “So if you’re not perfect, you’re ‘fat.’”

**I hugely struggle with this.

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Stolen From Fatinah

2009-06-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

This is from the new Shape Magazine:

Because it's unique; no one else has the same one
Because it's capable of extraordinary feats, enabling you to run, climb, jump, lift, squat, snuggle and spoon
Because no matter how badly you treat it, it's willing to give you another chance
Because it's expressive, telling you how it feels (pay attention!) and broadcasting to others how you feel about it
Because, let's face it, confidence is sexy
Because your daughter must learn to love hers
Because somebody out there (or many somebodies!) admires, covets, and adores it
Because you'll regret not loving it later

Insightful.

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Friday...

2009-06-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

I did not succumb to my need for junk... too badly. I did have an ice cream sandwich. And I had a half cup of wild rice on top of my dinner. Oooooo, how bad am I??

Tonight, I eat KFC. And after dinner, a hike. I've had very few calories today... I've just not been hungry. But I just want to indulge.

I'm balancing it as much as I can. Recognizing the emotional eating and offsetting it where I can.

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Emotional Eating

2009-06-25T16:55:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, and all I want is pizza, dark chocolate with almonds, and ice cream.

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RIP

2009-06-25T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, bawling my face off... it's reminiscent of the shock and mourning that I went through when Princess Di died.

Michael Jackson is dead.

I can't even tell you how devastated I am. I don't care about all the contraversey. I don't care what colour his skin was. He was an artist like no other. He paved the way for so many of today's artists. So much of today's culture started with him.

I can't tear away from it. I'm in my office, trying to work, with tears streaming down my face, listening to the tv blasting in the living room.

An icon is dead.

He was such a huge part of my teen years. I loved him. LOVED him. My bedroom door was covered in pictures of him. I wallpapered my door with him. Pictures during his Beat It days. Billie Jean. Today, if I saw him, I would be one of those screaming blithering idiots. He does that to me. Did that to me. Past tense now, I guess. Oh, that hurts.

...

...

I just know that there are going to be people that have negative to say. That will only remember the molestation charges. That will mock him. And that will tear me apart. My struggle over the next while will be avoiding those types of speakers. I'm sure it won't be easy.

He was brilliant. He was tragic. And I loved him unconditionally through it all. I never judged him. It wasn't my place.

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Dammit, I was tagged...

2009-06-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, without further ado, The Rules:

1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention & add one more question of your own.

2. Tag eight other people.

What is your current obsession? LOL... health.

What’s for dinner? Bison on salad

What’s the last thing you bought? Movie popcorn

What are you listening to right now? Silence

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? Smithers

Which language do you want to learn? Italian

What do you love most about where you currently live? It's where my heart is.

What is your favorite colour? Pink

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? Hmmm... I don't really have a favourite.

Describe your personal style? Sporty/Sexy Spice

If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on? Pedicure then clothing

What are you going to do after this? Work

Your favorite smell? Rain

Do you collect anything? Barbies

What makes you follow a blog? If they are similar to me in humour, and blog regularily. And don't have music that plays automatically when you open the page.

Who do you admire? Anyone who continues despite struggling. At anything.

What’s one thing you dream of doing? Not struggling

What is your biggest regret? Letting myself go and being okay with it.

What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day? Inhale deeply. And read.

Do you have a tattoo? Yes

What are your favorite books? Historical romances.

Are you left handed, right handed, ambidextrous, or a little of both? Right

What's your biggest fear? death

Who would you like to have coffee chat with (dead or alive)? Ron Jeremy

Now, who shall I tag?

I'll leave it open... if you want to be tagged, go ahead!

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What a Day!!

2009-06-25T08:01:00.001-07:00

I felt like something different for breakfast, so I made eggwhites with a peach and a milk/vitamin chaser.

Lunch was my chicken sammy with avocado. Man, I cannot ever see myself getting sick of these!

Just after lunch, my son calls in a flap. Transformers 2 is out. We must go!! He's an absolute Transformers NUT. It's great going to the movie with him, because you can lean over and out the side of your mouth go "huh?" and he can tell you the back story why what is happening is happening, or who that is. And the excitement when the characters come on the screen... it eminates from him. It's an AWESOME experience. So a double date was on!

However, I had also planned a date to walk with Erica. Had to time things carefully.

Home snack was 1/2 apple, 1/4 cup yogurt, 1/4 cup granola, and a tablespoon of chocolate chips.

So out I went to Burnaby at 2pm. Traffic was great, and I got there too early and sat in my car for 45 minutes waiting for her to come home. I took the opportunity to eat a Key Lime Pie Larabar while I waited. Very enjoyable.

We loaded up the dog in the car, and off we went to Burnaby Lake. I've never been there, so Erica showed me the way (she is a master navigator, lemme tell ya! You WANT this girl giving you directions!)

This was my first idea of how wonderful this walk was going to be:

How beautiful is that???

This is the lake from the first bridge. It was breathtaking.

Dixie was soooo glad to be there! We saw her in this position, or the standing waiting for us to HURRY UP!! lol

Lily pads, as far as the eye can see.

Just amazing... and the smell? So clean. It was raining, so it was just awesome.

Dixie actually stood still (at mummy's command) long enough for me to snap a pic of her.

After dropping Dixie and Erica off, I ended up stuck in traffic from 4:30 to 6pm, and STILL didn't get home in time. I ended up just phoning home and telling them to meet me at the theatre, since I was there already and wouldn't make it home in time. However, I was soaked and sweaty and gross. So I went into Superstore and bought a bra off the clearance rack and an $8 shirt. Still wearing my cut off sweatpants and runners, with my hair slicked back in a greasy sweaty pony... nice.

But the movie was fanTAStic, which made up for me being in the slowest line EVER to get popcorn. Why is it that it's always the line I choose that moves slowest? Why? Usually I have a sense of humour about it, but after spending all that time in traffic, I was not feeling the humour. I was PISSED.

Since I had scarfed an entire 12 inch cold cut combo from Subway for dinner, I decided to indulge in some popcorn. This time the skinny bitch inside me won! That was a total first!! I had planned on a regular popcorn and a drink, but when I got up to the counter I opened my mouth and out came "kids combo". Nice!!! Who the hell said that?? Pat her on the back!!

Oh, and I took a pic of this store because it made me giggle. I'm jeuvenile that way. *shrug*

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Oooo, Red. :(

2009-06-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

Okay! So I seem to have lost ALL THE DAMN PICTURES I TOOK TODAY.

How the hell does that happen????

Oh, they are SOMEWHERE on my computer, but apparently I didn't double check that they were going into the file it ALWAYS downloads them to but decided today to be different. Harumph.

So I'll just tell you what I had, I guess. :(

Breakfast was oatmeal again, made with almond breeze, raisins and almonds. Oh, and a bit of banana. Milk and vitamins rounded it out.

Lunch was on the fly... a Burger First bun with a half avocado and a chicken breast. Delicious!

Snack was my current favourite. An apple, chopped into bits, then covered with 1/4 cup yoghurt, 1/2 cup omega-3 granola, and 2 T of dark chocolate chips.

Then I ate the last of the chips. I said it was the LAST. No more buying those for a while! These ones were Loaded Baked Potato. And they were divine. And they put me WAY over for my caloric budget today.

Dinner was a salad of mixed greens, pork loin and mushrooms served with garlic cheese bread, same as last nights pic.

I was saddened today to read that Ed McMahon died this morning. Definately the end of an era. I loved the Tonight Show when it was him and Johnny. They had awesome chemistry.

I watched Yes Man last night. Jim Carrey. It was good. And it made me sad for those that do say no to everything. I like to think of myself as a bit of a yesser.

In that vein, guess what I'm doing tomorrow? I'm going for a hike around Burnaby Lake! Or in Burnaby Park. I dunno. My friend offered and I said YES! Actually, I think my response was YES YES YES!! lol She's getting married in FOUR days, and I'm so stoked to spend time with her and hear the good, bad and ugly of all her planning.

Well... now to decide if I'm going to do more excercise tonight. I'm feeling kinda lazy as I already went for a walk and a run today. But those damn chips....

I wouldn't feel so bad, but my deficit for the last two weeks is only 327... huh... that's not so bad! I'll see if I'm feeling it later. I REFUSE TO COMMIT!!! lol

I did a killer workout last night to make up for yesterday's chip discretion (balance is my friend), and I think I made Steve feel bad. He got down on the floor and did some sit ups and push ups when I was done... lol.

Hey, I got a question... Nutritional Yeast. Does anyone know if this would cause yeast infections in someone who's kinda sensitive to these things? I've googled but get conflicting info. Some say that it's not active yeast so no, but others say that despite being told that, when they HAD an infection they were told to stop taking it. So what is the case? Do you know?

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Sooo close to not eating crap.

2009-06-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a shitscene when it comes to healthy eating. I'm not gonna lie. I ate so much it was unbelievable. Mind you... it was not like "old me". Just incredibly bad for "new me". I took a sandwich plate for my brunch instead of a dinner plate, but filled it twice with Strata, ham and potatoes. Mind you, again... I probably woulda went back for a second plate with the big one, too, so not soo bad. Then I ate a couple more slices of Strata (overnight egg casserole... google it, it's awesome!). Then for dinner I had an 8oz stead, a lobster tail, and dipped the works in garlic butter. Then I saved the butter and poured it over popcorn. And I ate chips. Lots of chips.

Phwooo, I needed to get back to clean eating!!

So, breakfast this morning was yummy yummy oatmeal, with a third of a banana and a quarter cup craisins. Super delicious and nutritious.

I forgot to take a pic of lunch!!!! Bizarre!! I had a quarter cup of egg white fried in a nonstick pan with chives from the garden. I served it on a Burger First bun with a half of a smashed avocado and a cheese slice.

Then for snack, after my 2 mile run I had an apple with yogurt, granola and chocolate chips. Holy tasty chewy goodness!

Then these potato chips may have jumped in my mouth. It's possible.

MOVE ALONG, MOVE ALONG!!

To compensate (or BALANCE) those nefarious potato chips, I had a salad for dinner. Ground extra lean chicken, fried in a cast iron pan with some cumen served over 3oz greens drizzled with Meditteranian Balsamic Vinigrette. A half of a Burger First bun with a smear of lowfat caesar (mom's recipe) and a half ounce of cheddar for garlic cheese bread went a LONG way to not feeling deprived with my salad.

So, as I said, I did do a run today. But I am sure I'm lacking calories due to those damn chips, so I'm going to do another workout after dinner while watching movies.

Balance. It's what I do. It's how I roll. (actually, I guess it's how I don't become rolly, lol)

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Happy Father's Day to All

2009-06-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

To the Fathers: Thank you for giving of your essence to create a wonderful gift in our children. Thank you .

To the Step Fathers: Thank you for being there, despite not having to. Thank you for your understanding despite the frustration that comes when a child is not biologically yours. Thank you for sticking around, where many wouldn't. Thank you for stepping in, and loving. Thank you for stepping back, and loving. Thank you.

To the Absentee Fathers: Thank you for giving the gift of taking your poisonous self elsewhere and not damaging your children any more than you have. Thank you for doing the right thing, and knowing that your influence would harm them more than your abandonment. Thank you.

To the Disowned Fathers: Thank you for respecting your child's wishes, even if you don't understand. Thank you for allowing your child the freedom to live their own lives. Thank you.

To the Moms of kids with no dads: Thank you for doing your best to fulfill both roles in your children's lives. Thank you.

I miss so many people today. My father whom will not speak to me despite my extending an olive branch after 20 years of disownment. My bio father, just because I do not know him, yet I am a part of him. Doug Sr. My friend, my lover, father of my firstborn. Deceased now, which was the best parenting he ever did (long sad story of drug addiction). My birth mother, who lives 12 hours away, and is the only parent who cared enough to love me despite everything, even when she didn't know me, and who strives to be the best parent she can be and does an awesome job of it. My mom that raised me, despite our rocky relationship. I think it's more missing what could or should have been.

And yet, my life is filled with amazing dad's, too. My husband, who is the kind of stepdad who doesn't want to step on toes (with the older who was nine when we met) but cares so much and just truly wants the boys to be what he sees they can be. He loves them from whatever distance or closeness they require. My ex, who is both an amazing father and an amazing stepfather. He and his wife are my friends. Not many can say that, but it's true. There is a genuine caring without hostility, and we love each others kids unconditionally. My brother in law. A father that brings tears to my eyes. If you knew him when... you would understand why. He navigates the world of little girls growing up with wide eyes, a firm hand, and a gentle shake of his head. I so admire him. And all of these people are my nearest and dearest. I am so blessed.

To all who have fathers and all who don't. Think today of the blessings, and let's minimize the sad as much as we can. We'll take a moment and mourn the losses... absolutely. But from there I plan on celebrating those that are IN my life. I'm too blessed not to.

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Crazy Thursday

2009-06-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

It just seemed that work took forEVER today. Some days are way longer than others. Today was one of them. It didn't help that I woke up nine minutes before I was to start work. Luckily my commute is across the hallway into my office. Unfortunately it meant breakfast on the run, which consisted of a banana and a cup of coffee. Not good.

Lunchtime came and I was STARVING. So I made a chicken sandwich with a Burger First bun, a half an avocado and a slice of cheese. These buns are to die for, seriously.

Two days in a row taking a pic of snack! That's a record I think!!

I had yogurt, granola, choco chips and almonds. But then it wasn't filling enough, so I grabbed a piece of bison pepperoni. Which I forgot to take a pic of. Damn.

I've been craving pasta, so for dinner I did a whole wheat rotini casserole with roasted turkey thigh, celery, onions, and yellow peppers. For a "sauce" I opened up three packets of pesto mix, mixed them with water, and stirred it into the cooked ingredients. Then I dumped the works into a roasting pan, and baked it for 40 minutes. So delicious, and light! No heavy sauce. No oily pesto. All the flavour, a fraction of the calories.

Later I'm going to have a vitamuffin, and that will put me in the green for the day (my fibre was red without it). Total calories for the day: 1669

For workout today I did some step aerobics, went for a run, and went for a walk. May walk or run later... not sure yet. May not. I certainly don't need to, since I'm in the green. Woot!

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Happy Hump Day!

2009-06-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

I giggle when I say that... especially today. My hubby went and put a down payment on a motorbike, came home and said "somebody is gettin some tonight!!". ROFL

Confession: I may or may not have indulged in waaaay too much popcorn and butter last night. Leaning towards the "may". That is all.

Today I'm craving crap. So I chose to indulge... :)

Breakfast I went light on. Ancient Grain cereal, half a banana, milk and vitamins. This cereal is a total "meh". Not great, but it's good fuel. That's about all it has going for it. I will not be buying it again. Healthy does not have to taste like cardboard.

Omg, lunch was good. And a psychology trip, too. I had the leftover buffalo burger on a Burger First seasoned bun with caesar dressing and a half an avocado. The psych part comes in with the cutting of it. I knew I'd want more because it is so damn tasty. So I cut it in four, so I felt like I had four pieces instead of one. *shrug* It works for me. I was totally satisfied, where last night I wished for another burger, and came damn close to making one, just to taste it all over again.

Hmmmm, now that I say that, I see why I had the popcorn. Interesting.

Look! I remembered to photograph my snack!! (ignore the big bite marks out of the end)

Sweet had to join the savoury, and that meant a vitamuffin. And yep, it was JUST as good today as it was yesterday. Woot!!

Here's the real crap part of my diet today. Planned and accounted for. :)

Hot dogs and macaroni. Although, I have to say, the hot dogs were not really a ten. Oh, I ate them anyways, because I was hungry and I was craving them. But I know I will not be craving them for a very long time. The white bread was blah, and the weiners were kinda flavourless. The macaroni was excellent. Just what I wanted it to be. I only had a 1/2 cup, and toyed with going with a whole cup and damn the caloric consequences. However, I am satisfied with my half cup and happy with my choice at the same time.

See the weiner eyeing the weiners??

For a workout today I did NOT run. (see last post) However, I felt the need to do something, so I could have macaroni and white buns. So I did a 20 minute circuit training session and did a good half hour's worth of dancing today.

I also will have to go for a walk later... maybe. I'm only 174 calories over my budget (total today is 1713). The good news is that in my trend, I'm still at a deficit of 411 calories a day.

That's one thing I love about NutriMirror. Not only do you see your day to day, but also a two week snapshot. And I can see in black and white that I am on a good trend. I do have to bring my fibre up a bit, but otherwise I'm in the green with all my nutrients.

♥♥♥,
Dee

Harumph.

2009-06-17T14:16:00.001-07:00

Isn't it funny that while I'm recovering, or trying to recover, from being sick, it's NOW that I want to go out for a run? WTF?? I haven't had the urge to run in weeks. But now that I have no lung capacity and my previous post points out, I should be resting... NOW is when I want to go for a run?

*shakes head at the irony*

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Things that make you go "Huh!"

2009-06-17T10:34:00.001-07:00

I just read this post over at Oh She Glows, and this part struck me: Did you know that intense workouts suppress immune system function? That is often why people get sick when they are over-doing it with cardio or shortly following an intense race. Because the body is working so hard to repair itself, immune function is not at its’ best!

All of a sudden my being ridiculously sick makes sense. I had pretty much recovered by the time Saturday came. But five hours of dancing pretty much equates to a marathon in my life. It burns more calories than a 10km run, anyways. So my immune system took a nose dive, and hear I sit, sick and coughing.

Wild.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

It's Tuesday? Not Friday? Come ON!!

2009-06-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted as if it were Friday. Two nights of fitful sleep because of this damn coughing. ARGH!!

And boy, does it ever affect the scale! I just about fell over when it said 149.2 this morning. I know damn rights that is not correct, and that my weight is in a fluctuation trying to compensate for my lack of sleep. But still shocking, lemme tell ya. Fortunately, I'm educated enough to just shrug it off. I know what I'm doing and what I'm not doing.

Breakfast was yogurt, granola, 1/2 a banana, chocolate chips and almonds. Will I ever get sick of this combination, or variations of this combination? I'm thinking not. Although, I have been craving my egg bagel thingy lately. But it could just be a bread craving, since I'm eating so much of it lately.

Speaking of bread... lunch! A half a sammich with a half an avocado and a slice of tomato. Refreshing! Throw a piece of bison pepperoni on that plate and it is good. But even better? That there vitamuffin.

Have you ever had a vitamuffin? Holy sheep shit!! This is a double chocolate one, and when I pulled it out of the box I thought "it's small". Shrugging, I threw it in the microwave for 20 seconds. After I finished my sandwich and pepperoni, I ripped off a taste of the muffin. And then proceeded to ram it in my gob as fast as humanly possible, smushing the glorious flavour all over my mouth. Seriously decadent. It actually is so moist and delicious that it TASTES like it is iced. And it's not. And it's only 100 calories. Gobsmacking. (ha ha)

*NOTE: I am not turning into a 100 calorie food junkie. Just looking for treats and alternatives that I can add into my days to make them more exciting. Eating this I still remained completely green*

One day I will remember to take pics of my snack. One day. Pfffft.

Today I had yogurt with a peach cut up and a tablespoon of almonds with a squirt of vanilla.

Dinner was soooooo good! I had a burger first bun that was flavoured. I can't remember what the flavour is, but it was really delicious. On that bun was a smooge of half fat ceasar dressing, 1/4 of an avocado, a slice of ff cheese, 1/6th of an onion, fried, and bison. A slice of mini watermelon, and an ounce of greens with a dollop of blue cheese dressing rounded it right out.

Doesn't that look awesome?

I did a half hour of step aerobics today, ran to pick up my neice, and walked her home, did about a half hour of dancing, and then planted my garden for an hour. So I had lots of calories to eat. Love it!

Total calories for the day: 1679 And I still have 200 I can play with.

And now I'm off to pick up my son. He just called begging for a ride. Have a good night!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Ahhhh, Monday!

2009-06-15T18:33:00.000-07:00

Comfort food for breakfast. Oatmeal with almonds, craisins and chocolate chips. Nothing like tummy comfort food when one is cranky and pissed off from lack of sleep. This and coffee = sanity and noone dying.

Lunch I was craving a sandwich. Weird. So I had a half a tomato sandwich with a smear of 1/2 fat mayo. Because I've not been fantastic about getting all my veggies in me lately, I had a side salad of baby greens, topped with a spoodge of blue cheese dressing. Yum!

Damn... I forgot to take a pic of the piece of bison pepperoni I had for snack. Suffice it to say, it was delicious, and you will definately be seeing it here a time or two. It has the same nutritional data as turkey pepperoni, and is just as tasty. Yum. (I say yum a lot, don't I?) I bought it at Organic World, where I get my lean Bison for 1.99 a pound. You'll see THAT this week, too. Bison burgers. Slurp.

I also had tofurky wrapped around cheese. Craving protein you think??

But check out dinner!! That there is some smashed cauliflower with sour cream, chives and bacon bits folded into it, yes it is! With a slice o' garlic cheese bread and a chicken breast. Dare I say it again? Yes, I will! YUM!!

Total calories for the day: 1280.

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Oy Vey...

2009-06-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I am a tired girl. Last night I kept myself awake coughing and coughing and coughing. I ended up propping my sorry self up and sleeping in an upright position. Pure exaustion.

Saturday was an awesome day. I didn't spend a lot of calories during the day. I was balancing them out because I knew I was going drinking. But I danced for about five hours, so balanced out there, as well. So much so that the next morning the scale said I had lost an entire pound. Usually, if I am drinking without dancing, I'll have gained a pound or two. LOL

Sunday I was sooo tired. Not hung over, just tired. For some stupid reason I couldn't sleep in, so I only had about four hours of sleep, after the marathon of dancing. And then Steve wanted to go out motorbike shopping. So I dragged my ass with him. He rewarded me with lunch. Me'N'Ed's pizza! Woot!! I freakin LOVE Me'N'Ed's pizza!! And we haven't had it in almost two years, too. So it was an extra awesome treat.

That was at about 2pm, so needless to say, dinner wasn't happening. I had eaten half of a medium pizza, so I was all good. But by 7pm, my throat was on fire, and I decided that the only thing that could fix it was a banana cream pie blizzard. And I was right! It did fix it! Hee hee hee.

Today I am back in action, on plan. Oatmeal for breakfast. I need to go do some grocery shopping for some healthy lunch options for the boy and I for this week. Plus, he'll want green monsters for breakfast, and I'm all about accomodating healthy choices!

I'm guzzling coffee this morning, trying to energize my brain. Ugh. I hate feeling like this.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

NICE!!!

2009-06-13T08:45:00.001-07:00

I love Mail!!!

2009-06-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

Look what came in my mail slot this morning!! I won a contest over at Trim the Fat, with my good friend, Marisa.

Yay!! Larabars!!! I had the peanut butter cookie one. O. M. G. Definately my favourite. Now to find somewhere here that sells it. Or to have a talk with the supplier at my superstore, where I get all my other flavours.

This was my breakfast yesterday. Clockwise from the white blog: 1/4 cup plain fat free probiotic organic yogurt (whew, that's a lotta words!), 1 T ground flax, 1 T toasted slivered almonds, 1 T dark chocolate chips, 1/4 cup craisins, 1/4 cup Nature's Path Organic Pumpkin Flax Granola. A bowl of dessert for breakfast. Yep, you've seen it all week, and I'm sure you'll be seeing it again.

My lunch was freakin AWESOME!! This Thai Chili Tuna in whole wheat couscous. Filling and delicious!!

I ate dinner at work. I had sushi. My calories for the day? 1557

Tonight I dance! I'm so stoked... I found a little out of the way bar that I'm hoping I can talk my people into going to. There's a pool table for the guys, that's free. And it's never busy. And when I spoke to the owner last night, he said I can bring in a playlist, and we can OWN the dancefloor. Now to introduce the idea to my peeps. Tommy's is fun, but it is all little children (19 year olds), and our guys don't dance, so I'm not sure they would enjoy it as much as The Wolf. Anyways, I'll just suggest it. Tommy's would still be a blast.

It's reminiscent for me of a place we used to go to, before anyone else discovered it. We literally owned the dancefloor. We would go all the time, just to go dancing. It was so awesome. They catered to us because we were regulars, and we were their best customers. The Wolf is like that. They were bending over BACKWARDS to accomodate me if I could bring the party in tonight. He he he.

Either way, I am dancing my FACE off tonight. I'm debating what to wear. I'm thinking of going country. Wearing the same outfit that is in my profile pic. I felt HAWT in that. I see many clothes flying around the room tonight, as I change over and over. LOL

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Friday Again

2009-06-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

Today is my insane work day, where I work all of my jobs on one day, from 9am until 10pm. So no time for a real workout. However, I do have my radio on out in the living room, and if I find myself distracted by a toe tapper, I jump up and run out and dance. So I get a bit of a workout... about three minutes at a time. But hey, everything counts, right? LOL

Last night was WONDERFUL. Steve and I took the dogs and went for a walk. I tracked it on www.trackmyrun.com and it was 5.8 km (3.5 miles). It took us just over an hour. Nice!! The dogs were tuckered, lemme tell ya. Those little legs...

It felt good to just get out of the house. And I'm so glad Steve and I connected. I love spending time with him like that. Thank god for reruns on TV, so he's not so tied to it!!

He's been a real rock for me in the past few days. He has no idea what's been happening in my blog world, or with the emotional turmoil I've been going through. I don't tend to share those things with him, prefering to keep my happy home life seperate from my stress areas, so that I have a warm fuzzy safe place. Little does he know, that he's been really helping lately with what he has been telling me.

First he was saying the other night that one of the guys that he works with commented on his travel mug (it has a pic of me blowing him a kiss engraved on it, our tenth anniversary present to him), and saying "god, you mean you have to see your wife's face every time you drink coffee?" And Steve was kinda shocked, he said, because he really LOVES seeing my face all day. Then they had a conversation where the guys were bitching about their naggy negative wives, and Steve came home to tell me how he felt bad for them, because he is so happyily married and really really LIKES his wife and is totally in love with her. Her, of course, being me. A very HAPPY me. He came home to tell me that on the first day of this stress cycle.

Sure there are times where I can bitch about him. Yes, I wish he got off the couch more. But overall? I'm one lucky lucky lady. We never fight. He rescues me when I need it. He leaves me alone when I need it. And he loves me. And he likes me. And he completes me.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Yummy Beans!!

2009-06-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

I had the BEST dinner!!! 3oz pork loin, 3/4 cup of baked beans, and steamed broccoli. YUM!!

And I'm totally green for the day, too!

Here's my caloric breakdown:

Breakfast: 355
Lunch: 177 (wasn't really hungry)
Snacks: 199
Supper: 457

Total: 1188, which means if I want a snack after dinner, I can have one and STILL be all good!!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Interesting...

2009-06-11T14:36:00.001-07:00

I lost three followers after my post yesterday.

Back to the eats!

2009-06-11T13:00:00.001-07:00

This here has been an integral part of my "Breakfast of Champions" this week.

To accompany it, 1/2 cup yogurt, 1/4 cup granola, 1/4 cup craisins, 1 tablepsoon almonds and 1 tablespoon dark chocolate chips.

I was so thrilled with myself at lunch. I still don't have a huge appetite, so I put 2 tablespoons of black olive hummus on 3 stonewheat thins, with yellow pepper. 4 sweet cherries are my dessert. I cannot get over how many calories are in cherries!!! Holy crappers they add up quickly!!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Unwitting Guest Blogger

2009-06-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

One of the comments on my Crossroads blog needs to be placed front and center:

Sesame Wrote:

Different identities/hats-

We all have different hats that we wear, different identities, and different sides of ourselves that we share with others. When certain topics arise we exercise different levels of censorship and/or tailor our message, depending on the audience. Agreed?

So, I confess, I have religiously been checking your blog to see how your thoughts poured out following our lunch conversations. I have a heavy investment in your happiness and desperately wish for tough stages to pass quickly.

I’ve read the responses from your fellow bloggers that say such things as “don’t sensor yourself” and “your blog, say what you want”. These are responses I expected. They also use blogs to work through their thoughts, stages, struggles, victories etc. so they share that, in a unique community, with you. They share that same sense of entitlement and view blogs somewhat as a “shared diary”. I get it. I can’t argue their points.

That said, I began to think about the different communities you have and the level of engagement/impact you have with each.

Obviously what you say on your blog would not have the same impact that a face to face conversation, expression, passing comment, evening together would have. If your day to day intimate people are upset by what they read on your blog, it then becomes a case of “two worlds colliding”, I think.

Really, if people are going to go there to read it, they do so with a level of risk. As many have said, this is where the uncensored version of you appears and you have every right to that.
Those of us in your intimate day to day world who decide to peep at you in that community also have the opportunity to talk to you personally about what you write, think, work through. That said, if we don’t find that reading your blog is complimenting the relationship, we also have the option not to read it and keep the relationship purely personal. (I bounce between these two, depending on the day, but I know you are only a porch chat away if I want to talk to you further about something that may or may not relate to or refer to me).

She's right... lots of bloggers don't tell their real life world about their blog, so that they have the freedom to purge and be real and journal their journey with whole honesty and truth in their feelings. The good, bad AND ugly.

I have to admit, I've been cringing at the responses I'm getting to my Crossroads entry. This was all triggered by a personal issue, and every "you go girl" response I'm getting, I'm picturing that person sitting back and taking it all as a personal attack on herself.

I'm not looking for assurance. I'm not looking for permissions. I'm not looking for anything, really. I just want to diariaze where I am today, find and use the tools to work through it, and be able to look back on it later and note what worked and what didn't, for future use.

Thank you, my friends, for your support. Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate each and every one of you. And I will continue to be true to me on here. Why? Because this is my personal diary. Read at your own risk...

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Crossroads

2009-06-10T16:36:00.000-07:00

I find myself at a crossroad in life. And I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. I'm kinda standing here, scuffing my toe back and forth, wondering if I'm going insane, or if the world is sending me a message, or what.

I think the word I keep coming back to is "balance". In life we try and always find the right balance in everything. In work vs home. In play vs serious. In OCD clean vs Disgustinly slovenliness. In healthy eating and excercising. In pretty much everything we do, we strive for a balance.

When you go through a major life changing event, it tends to change values and perspectives. It changes your view on things. And some people will say it changes a person as a whole.

In Dale Carnegie there is a saying: People don't fear change. They fear the way they percieve change is being forced upon them.

Is this true? Or do we really really fear change itself.

I've changed. I've been accused of it, and quite frankly, it's true. My values are different. My perspectives are different. I see the world through different lenses than I did before. I have different guidlelines. I have different lines. I have different expectations of myself. And maybe I have different expectations of others, too. Which is not always fair.

It was recently pointed out to me that I have said some incredibly hurtful things. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I would never intentionally hurt someone with my words. And if I have, please please, call me out on it, and gently let me know how I've offended, because for the love of gawd, I would want to change my wording and explain myself. And by calling me out, I don't mean by being condescending or finger pointing, but rather solution oriented and goal setting. I am all up for positive speak and reinforcement.

I had an amazing conversation today about this whole topic. I had a lot of AHA moments. One of the things that was pointed out to me was that in order to be succesfull in my weightloss journey, I had to become very "me-centric" or "me-oriented". And now that I'm here, I struggle now with finding my new niche. And finding the balance of still staying true to me (after all, it is still true that I can be difficult, or I can be fat), and incorporating the needs and wants of those close to my heart.

What I'm having the hardest time with is when I say something, and I'm being completely me-centric, but the person that I am saying it to, or that is reading my blog, takes it personally and is offended. There are some that are so close to me that they are able to take that step back and say "whoa... okay, now what does she really mean by that, because I know Dee, and how I read it is NOT how she meant it". But there are others that don't have the years and years of communication dynamics, that struggle with my words and read me all wrong. And then call me out on it. And then it's an ugly finger pointing match. And while I'm fine, I worry that they are not, and that they will hold it against me until the end of time.

Look, basically, hear this... this is my blog, and I write shit here, and no... I don't think all the time. Posts like this are literally just my fingertips tapping out my thoughts. There is no political correctness. There is no "should I say that". I just say it. If you don't know me well, please listen to this very carefully: I would never EVER intentionally hurt anyone EVER. EVER. Can I say it any clearer? If it's politically incorrect, or something that I have found offensive about my own fat body or mind (cuz I've had both), please do not internalize it. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me.

This is supposed to be my safe place to come and talk and just blah out my thoughts. But as I've seen a bizmillion times in the blog world... sometimes that comes up against a thorny wall.

But back to balance. Another thing that was pointed out to me today is how often my physical appearance is commented on. I get emails to "Slim". The first thing people say to me is "wow, you look amazing". It happens all the time. And it is not like I'm not grateful, but ya'll wonder how I can be so me-centric? Hell, how can I not be?? I am defined by my body. We, as a society, define people by something about them. "Your remember Kerri? Dark hair? Big boobs? Yeah, her!" It's a fact.

I've been told that sometimes it's hard to order a meal in front of me, because there is concern that I am going to judge, or add up the calories in my head. Fair enough. I do add up the calories in my head. I can't help it. I'm educated in it, and in some ways it SUCKS. When I was uneducated, fat, and blissfully unaware, I could order a deep fried platter of appies, a milkshake, a burger and fries, and not be concerned about the fact that it was probably close to 4000 calories and I should only be eating under 2000 a day for the WHOLE day. But now I know better.

But here's the thing. I may be aware of your caloric intake, but it's NOT MY JOURNEY. And hey, maybe you've been super great and are splurging. That's balance. Why are you concerned about what I think? Christ, if there's one thing I've learned in this past two years, it's that you cannot judge a book by it's cover. You never know where that person is in their journey through life. Maybe they have lost 200 pounds and have another 100 to go. Maybe they have a debilitating disease that they cannot lose weight with. Maybe they lost their mother last year, and are still suffering through mourning, and icecream really really helps. Who knows, right? Noone can judge. And if they do, let em. It's no skin off your ass.

And I know what it's like. Both as a fat person getting healthy, and as a healthy person having a treat. The other night I was out for a late night treat. I debated back and forth over something healthy, to set an example and show how good I am, or the brownie ala mode because I really was feeling crappy and wanted a treat. I went with the brownie. But I agonized over it for a few seconds.

People think that when you get to goal, that everything is all hunky dory. It's not. Issues that haven't been dealt with are still there. New issues crop up (sometimes daily, it seems). But we do what we always do. Try and find the balance. Try and figure out how to step around everyone's issues, without tromping on them. And when we make a wrong step, apologize and file it in the box of nosays for that person.

As we get older, we have more issues, more baggage, more sensitivities. I keep coming across things I cannot converse with certain people about. It seems to be more and more lately. It's like I'm being judged for judging, and all because I got to goal. Maybe I've been too honest with some people in my life. They aren't where I am. Maybe I should choose whom I speak with more carefully. Or maybe I should not speak at all sometimes.

I miss being able to share all my thoughts. I miss being able to have someone to relate to. I miss not being in the club.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

How to lose me as a follower:

2009-06-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

Music on your blog.

Nothing like getting busted at work for reading blogs by music playing. Not that I work in an office, but I think that every time. For me it's because I open four blogs in different tabs at a time, then read until I'm done them, then open four more. I hate having to scramble to figure out which one is playing the damn music, and having to scroll down every page looking for the feature, so I can hit the pause button.

Now I just delete the blog. Which is sad, cuz I like the blogs. I just hate the music.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

My Current Struggle...

2009-06-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

... is appetite. As in I don't have one. I'm fighting a cold (DIE COLD DIE), and it's left me not hungry in the least.

Blah.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Epiphany

2009-06-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

I was watching my niece's concert last night (which was ammmaaaazing) and I'm looking at her director and admiring her red hair. Ferria Red. And I had a though...

I have always been a "look at me" person. I crave attention.

Whoa. Back up. I just realized as I wrote that... that's where it comes from. My childhood. Wanting to be noticed. Wanting to be loved like Donny and Danny (my adoptive parents' natural children, whom my mother favoured) were. Wanting the positive attention, but taking anything I could get. Which turned to negative attention until I was midteens when it turned into sexual attention from whomever I could get it from.

Anyways, okay (deep breathe) and that is a quick snapshot of why I'm an attention whore. Or pretty much any kind of whore, LOL!!! Currently a married whore, who has her attention seeking firmly under control because she gets it in spades from her husband so doesn't need it elsewhere.

Except I still need attention, and am an outrageous flirt because of it.

But I digress... Back to the hair.

Fat people don't get noticed. Fat people live in a world of non attention. One of the strangest things for me when I started getting into the thinner stages of losing the weight was when people started randomly talking to me. I'll never forget being in Safeway, and the veggie guy just started yakking at me. I thought it was the strangest thing ever. And I recalled that the previous week, the same thing had happened to me at another store. And BAM, it hit me. People had stopped talking to me when I gained weight!!

I never noticed, because I always talked to THEM. But the reality is, or so it seems, that people are not comfortable talking to round people. Why? I don't know. But it's true.

This is why I had the hair that you see in the above pictures. People DO comment on funky hair. I was fat (can you see the way I posed, hiding my chins?) and never got the attention I craved. So I coloured my hair outrageously, looking to be noticed.

This is also why I could never understand the mindset of "hiding behind your fat". I was never hiding behind it. That was not my issue. Mine was a love issue. Eating equated to love. I crave love. Makes sense, right?

A huge part of my journey has been my hair. I now have it back to my natural colour, for the first time in my adult life (outside of when I was pregant with Logan, when the colour wouldn't take). It's a big thing for me to "just be me". And as I'm staring and admiring Fiona's hair last night, I'm thinking "I don't need that hair anymore".

Yay, me? Maybe. Maybe not. The sick cycle is still in place. But now I get the attention with my body. I get it with my face. I get it with my smile. I get it with my flirty eyes. I get it with every double take as I walk down the street.

It's funny... I walk with my friends and family and I watch for how people react to me. And when I comment on it to my peep, they didn't see it. Except for a couple of my soul mates, who are also watching for it (you know who you are *prongs fingers from my eyes to yours*). But most of my people live in the land of oblivion. Usually on purpose. Possibly afraid to see people's reaction to their physical being.

Personally, I think that is sad, because there are more positive than negative looks out there in the world.

So anyways... that was my epiphany. I coloured my hair outrageously because I craved the attention I wasn't getting because I was fat. Now that I am healthy, I want people to notice and love me for who I am, and what I've worked to look like today. Is that shallow? *shrug* It's who I am, it's how I roll.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Magdalicious

2009-06-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Please welcome again, my sister, Magda of Magdalicious... the blog. Anyone who follows me knows that Magda is always the first to let me know how I can fix whatever I've broken that day, and has been absolutely inspirational to me, in her mildly abusive way of teaching me that I am a dumbass when it comes to sports medicine.

Magda is not a doctor but she's a naturally athletic person who has had years and years (decades even) of coaching. So what she considers "common knowledge" isn't always so common to us that are starting out into this scary world of fitness and excercise. That is why I asked her to contribute here. Enjoy...

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Magda's words of wisdom (hahhahahahahha)

Shit. I didn't forget that I was meant to do this every week... but damn it if the week doesn't just sneak up on you all unexpected like, that and life (as Dee will attest to) has just been getting in the 'way' for me recently. Regardless here we go.

Wait quick side note, seems I come up with idea's when running... ;) maybe I should run more :P (boo I can't format it all pretty because I have to email it.. oh well)

Shin splints: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shin_splints

From what I hear they suck, some serious ass, I've never had them personally for a multitude of reasons. I've been a runner (and yet I still don't have a running belt.. [looks a Dee side ways and smirks] since I was a little kid (as in competitive all through elementary to high school until my 'accident'). As a result I received all kinds of training and just general practice that prevented them. As a result of learning it all so young I have no idea what was relevant and what wasn't. But in High school a lot of the other athletes had problems (maybe I'm just lucky?), so we got speeches all the time on different topics. Another reason I've never suffered with shin splints is I know the warning signs and then do what is needed to prevent them.

Basically, shin splints make your shins ache and hurt like a mofo, and when you run make it feels like the bone is splintering (or so I'm told). The warning signs are you shins ache and hurt while running (or any bouncy sport) and continue to ache a little after your done. DO NOT LET IT GET WORSE!

Shin splints, when full blown, make it painful to even walk and take a VERY long time to heal.

Ways to prevent them:

StretchingI hate stretching, it's childish I know, but I just don't do it as much as I should. You really should stretch all major muscles BEFORE and AFTER running (actually anything). It loosens the muscles and warms them up to prevent injury, and after it helps release tension and lactic acid build up, it's not hype it's true. Stretching your shins will help prevent and fix the first signs of shin splints.

Shincercises <-- I love making up words Exercises your shins, and calves (balance and all, plus it's hard to work one with out working the other). These are ordered by general difficulty:

1)Sitting in a chair, put your feet flat against the floor, and lift your toes as high as they will go, repeat for hours :D just kidding do it as much as you want (more is better).

2) stand up, feet flat on the floor, and lift up to your toes and back down.. (again for ages)

3) get something about and inch or two thick, stand on it with the front half of your foot so your heels are in the air, lift up high on your toes, lower down so your heels are almost touching the floor (SLOWLY) rinse, repeat.

4) Same as three but 'higher level' do it on the stairs mid foot (ball) on the stairs, heels hanging off the edge. Lift up and then down slowly. DO NOT go to low down it is not a stretch, you can hurt yourself if you go to far and do it SLOWLY you can tear a muscle or tendon if you go to fast and too far (You'd have to be an idiot about it.. but some people get excited and don't think :P)

That's it really, just do little exercises to strengthen the area and stretch and it will prevent shin splints, if you already have them as beast as I know this will help make them go away but I have no first hand knowledge on the subject. I'm pretty lazy about prevention, but this is one to make the effort for... seriously.

I was going to make a video demonstrating what I was talking about but, to be honest if we wait for that we're going to be waiting a long time. If anyone has any questions, just ask away. :)

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, I just did a lot of sports and trained competitively for running, skiing, boxing and a few others. As a result I've had my fair share of injuries and coaches telling me what to do combined with my own personal opinions and insight.

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Thanks, Magda! I've never suffered them (THANK GAWD) but our other sister, Sam, has. Terribly. Because I saw her go through runners hell with them, I've always been careful to stretch and stop at the first inkling of something wrong.

LOVES having a POLE!!

2009-06-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

I put the pole up on Thursday and was so bummed because I havent' been able to have fun on it yet, so Friday (I work from home), I kept the music low in the living room and whenever a fun song came on, I ran out there and danced around the pole. LOVE IT!!

Last night, I came home from my Friday night chinese delivery job and popped in my earbuds, ignored my husband and did a half hour dance session. Holy workout, batman!! I was sweating, and muscles were fatigued, lemme tell ya! And fun? Soooo fun! It feels so decadent to pole dance!

It's not a super sturdy pole that you can swing off of, but it's enough that you can a little bit, and have super fun.

But the major point is that I'm burning calories! And having a super time doing it. And you know what? I don't care who's watching! Okay, that's a lie... I was in my own little bubble last night, having a grand time when I saw Steve watching me. Instafumble. I told him to watch his tv, not me, LOL. He can watch with his periph, but straight on ogling makes me waaay to self concious.

You know what it reminds me of? The feeling of dancing on the speakers at the club. That whole decadent "I'm doing something mildly naughty" feeling. And anyone that knows me knows I totally get off on that sort of stuff. We have a bridge that has a counterflow lane. I ALWAYS take that lane. Why? Because technically you are driving the wrong way for that road. Little decadent, even if it's allowed. That's how I roll (said with a completely straight face).

Yes, you young hooligans, this is what rebel at 40 looks like.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA, I crack me up. *wipes tear from eye*

Thanks for listening,

Dee

My Journey

... and she lived happily ever after. The end.

Super Crappy Yesterday

I want PIZZA!!

What a workout!!

Soooo.....

Review: Clover Leaf Yellowfin Tuna Steaks - Fresh Thai Herb

PHEW!!!

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

FFS

*Swoon*

Is it Friday Yet??

Yummy Yummy Yummy!!

Foods and Yumminess

TMI

Soccer Day!!!

SABOTEURE!!!!

D'Oh!!

Oh My Lanta!!

I hereby declare and proclaim...

Good Lord!!

Oh My Lungs!

Weekend from Hell

Epic = Epic

Midnight Madness

Soccer

Okay, so pics suck... lol

Lator Gators...

Interesting Approach

Another day in the life...

When it rains...

PMS or Stress??

Shitty, Shitty, Shitty, Shitty

Tuesday? Not Friday? Damn...

Lists Galore

Pants are Tight

Cracks Me Up!!

Best Salad Addition EVER!

Is it Tuesday?

Happy Saturday!

A New Eat to ♥

Want to be a Runner?

R&R in Kelowna

What a Weekend!!

Baked Dill Pickle Lays

Thowing it Out to the Universe...

*Slams Head on Desk*

What a Day!

I ♥ My Husband

Status Update: Dee...

Firday

Clearing my head

Yay and Sigh

My Tuesday

Back at it!

omg YUMMY

Yay Me!

NSV

Treadmills and Such

Aging Parents

Wednesday

Merritt = Insanity

Booooo to being in shape!!

Resurgence

Wasn't that a party!

Friday Already? NOT Complaining!!

Gah!

Polar or Timex??

My sis is here!

Guest Post: 5 S Factors That Hamper Health

DirecTV NFL

Phantom Fat

Stolen From Fatinah

Friday...

Emotional Eating

RIP

Dammit, I was tagged...

What a Day!!

Oooo, Red. :(

Sooo close to not eating crap.

Swoon

Slams Head on Desk