There is a thread on the GDT of the WW board. It's about Oprah. I guess she made a comment about her weight and called herself a "fat cow" and referred to her weight as "the big brown elephant in the room".
Someone wrote to her about how offensive they found those statements. That if she felt that way about herself, what must she think of other overweight people?
So, of course, this sparked a back and forth poll on the site. Do statements like these offend you? It really depends on the person. And it really made me think.
Initially my thought was "no, you have the right to talk about yourself how you want". But then I had to take a step back, because while my politically correct side stands by your rights, my physical reactions are another thing.
What am I talking about? I was with someone I love the other night, and she referred to herself as "less gross" (talking about her loss to date). I physically recoiled from the comment. I don't even know if she noticed. She was busy doing something else at the time. But I mean I actually, pysically felt my face screw up, my cheeks go red and my ears start to burn, and I had to control an instant temper by walking away.
I didn't think too much of it at the time. I know that she means it in the most positive sense. I speak different positive language than she does. I would bawl if someone called me "less gross", where she feels great about being "less gross".
So reading this thread today, as I said, my initial reaction was one thing, but then I had that night pop into my head... so how do I really feel? Am I offended?
I don't know if a more true statement would be "I'm offended" or "I find that offensive". Because really, I'm not offended for me. I'm offended that anyone would talk about someone I love in those terms. Even if it's herself. Does that make sense?
It hurt me so badly to hear those words being said about her that I physically recoiled and moved away. If it had been anyone else saying those words in that moment, I'm not sure what my reaction would have been. (only cuz I'm not a fighter, but if I were I'da punched them in the nose)
So... discuss. Do you find what Oprah said offensive? Does it offend you? Do you feel that such statements indicate her feelings about only herself? Or overweight people in general? Or are people just being too damn sensitive in this world of political correctness?
Thanks for listening,
Dee
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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5 comments:
I've never found it offensive.
Signed,
Captain Obvious :-)
(though I confess, there have been times I found myself hoping...hoping that a time will come when they will see themselves differently...hurting for them...)
I'll admit to making comments about myself in that manner on a fairly frequent basis... and here's what I think is lingering behind them:
A) A desperate need to make sure people don't think I'm deluded... I am sure that my overweight status is obvious to those who look at me... and there's a warped part of my brain that wants people to know that I too acknowledge that I am overweight... It's not a taboo subject, and not something I'm unwilling to discuss, poke fun at and in no way to I ignore the fact that I am at an unhealthy weight.
B) there's a small part of me, and I'm not proud of it, that yearns to have someone tell me that I'm looking better... to notice, to reassure, to encourage... call it fishing for compliments, or whatever you want... but there is a part of me that is driven by a need for verbal reassurance... I think this is true for most people who talk negatively about themselves... they hurt inside and so desperately want for others to prove them wrong about themselves.
C) I really do believe, in my deepest and darkest moments of self doubt, that I look less than appealing, fat, frumpy, sloppy, saggy... etc etc... and sometimes finding a way to make it sound funny helps me to gain perspective. To work through it, and process my pain over my appearance.
Did any of that make sense?
In short... when I hear someone say something like that... I don't feel offended, nor do I take offense... I RELATE... I hurt with them, and feel like I can identify with all the feelings behind such statements.
But, hey... we're all different right?! I've never really looked at it from the perspective of the fact that I might offend someone by saying I feel fat or frumpy! Or poking fun at my saggy bum!
Thanks for the thought provocation!
Krista, one of the things I admire so much about you (and I've learned by following your blog) is that you just throw yourself out there. Your "here I am take it or leave it" attitude is so awesome.
Thanks for the insight.
:) Anytime!
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