My real WI

148.0

That's down 1.8 from last week.

Glory Be, I can SEE

So yesterday, could I have BEEN more nervous? Doubt it. All the way there I had to do labour breathing. In the mall, I destracted myself with nose ring shopping, then had a light lunch at the food court, once again bypassing Arby's (I'm SUCH a good girl). Old me would have used the excuse and eaten crap. New me didn't want my belly rebeling in the doctor's office... lol.

The great thing is that they give you an Atavan before your appointment. Miraculous Ninja Butter fly Killer should be its pseudanm. Seriously. I wasnt worried AT ALL after that. Moments before my surgery I asked for a glass of water, and the OR nurse asked me why. I told her I wanted to take one of the T3's they give you BEFORE the pain. She called me brilliant.

The surgery itself was weird, but seriouly only lasted about a minute on each eye, including prep, cut, laser, and refolding. The laser itself was 11 seconds. Unbelievable.

They provide you with 2 T3's and 2 sleeping pills and suggest you sleep the day away if you can.

Steve picked me up a subway sandwich on the way home. I ate that, had a glass of milk, took the other T3 and both sleeping pills and went to lay down. An hour later I got back up, took another T3 and a Sleepe-eze-D. That did the trick. I woke up at 5am after a great 12 hours of sleeping and healing.

This morning I can see! My eyes feel a little dry and kinda like there is something in one of them. I have a follow up at 8:45.

Friday the 13th

So why on EARTH did I schedule my eye surgery on Friday the 13th???? Oh yeah, cuz I'm not superstitious... LOL.

Serious ninja butterflies in my tummy. Serious. I woke up at 3:30am in a tizzy and had to read to calm myself down.

I did my WI this morning, just to see, in case Steve order's pizza tonight (that's his idea of 'making' dinner). Good news! I was at 149.6lbs. That's only down .2, but considering I honestly thought I'd be back up to 150, I'm so fantastic with that!!

Wish me luck today. I'm going to need it NOT to barf on Dr. King. Better yet, wish HIM luck.

Further thoughts...

I'm really struggling with the "accepting who I am today as my current reality". But not in a bad way. I know that it's a process, it's just completely unchartered territory for me.

As I say that, I think to myself that once again I find myself ahead of others in my experience and wishing that someone was a step ahead of me so that I could ask advice, opinions and questions of them. I know that others went through this long ago, but it's the "here and now" questions and thoughts that I wish I had help with. Of course, nothing I can articulate now, because I'm TRYING to think of stuff... lol.

I am finding a couple of people on the WW boards are going through the same mental process' I am, which helps. I think I might check out a different board, though. The "less to lose" board maybe.

I just realized how conceited that sounded... which is NOT what I meant. I guess what I mean is that I'm finding myself really loving my body and the way I look today vs yesterday, and I don't hear that from my people around me about themselves, so feel kinda alone on this step. And while I don't really care what other people think, I do know that some would consider me "changed" or "vain". And the reality is I have changed, and I am vain. But I don't think it's a bad thing. I've worked damn hard to change and I've earned feeling proud.

Damn... does this make sense to anyone else but me??

Introspective (Is that the right word?)

This is gonna get deep, folks.

I just spent time on FB looking at pictures of myself. I really sat and looked, because you know what? I didn't really know what I looked like.

I've looked at so many pics of myself over the last year. More pictures than probably the other 38 years put together. However, most are a glance long enough to decide whether it needs to be deleted or can stay. However, looking at the pictures from Jessie's 19th, with the horizontal stipes (I know I keep going on about it, but wow that' huge to me!) I realized that I do look different. I'm a completely different looking person than I was a year ago, even.

Looking at these current picture, though, I realized that the dramatic changes are done. THIS is what I'm going to look like for the rest of my life. Well, you know what I mean. Do you? I'm kinda lost, thus the long blog. I'm facing my next chapter... in the mirror.

I've been working toward something for months and months. And I've arrived. I have been working towards being healthy, and that's what I am today. I eat well. I excercise almost daily. I live an intentionally Core life, in food and in other ways. I'm going more and more natural. Natural hair colour. Totally toned down the makeup, and don't even wear any for days at a time. But think I actually look okay that way in this body. In the fat body I just looked pasty and sick. Now I'm healthy!

I look forward to getting the last bit off, then maintenance. I'm gonna totally rock maintenance. I can eat this way the rest of my life EASY, because I like the way this feels.

((I warned you it was going to get deep!))

Feeling OP, but have to go grocery shopping!

Man, I'm struggling for Core snacks right now. A bit ago I ate a pickle, cuz I need groceries so bad... lol. I see Safeway in my future!

This was the second day of my dancing regime while making calls. It went pretty good! But I think I'm tired... it seems like it's been a very active week. Between the dancing, situps, and dog walking, I'm moving most of the time now. For my lunch break I slumped on the couch and read a book for an hour. Bliss!

Tonight I shop, then take Oscar for a walk, and then I am relaxing.

I popped on the scale again today (why? Why??) and it read 150.4. TOM is this weekend, so I know I won't retain my 140's status, but I'm really trying!! Despite wanting to scarf a big ol' chocolate bar, preferably Coffee Crisp (it's a nice light snack!).

Damnitall. Skinny feels better than Coffee Crisp tastes!!

Today it's Fun!

I'm having a good day so I thought I would post about it.

Here's my menu:

Br: cow & blueberries
Lu: Kolbassa wrap (pts)
Sn: pear
Dn: salmon with cool salad
Sn: frozen grapes

Water: 2 litres
AP: see below

So, the last two days have been very energetic for me. Last night when I took Oscar for a long walk, my legs were killing me. So I'm taking it easy today. I'll take Oscar out for 1/2 hour walk around the block. However, I have a hard time NOT moving, now that I'm smaller!! Weird, I know.

As you know, I sit in front of the computer ALL day making phone calls. Usually I do sit ups and crunches the whole day (started doing this last week). I figure I'm on the damn ball, might as well take advantage of it, right?

So today, I turned on the radio so I have it in the background, and I've kicked the ball out of the way. When I'm dialing and on hold, I'm dancing! Makes my day go by faster, and is fun! And who knows how many AP I'm creating. Enough to feel good, anyways.

No reason this has to be a drudge, this journey. I'm all about making it fun!!

Nice Kick Start to my Week!

Went to the track with Sam, Andrew & fam. It was great! I did 3 miles, which is 4.8km. But the great thing is that I ran 4.03 of those km without stopping!! Go me!!

I was on my second lap, and contemplating when I should take a walk break when a conversation I had with the sweeper on my 10k came to mind. When I told her I usually run 10/1 she said you eventually reach a point where you might as well just keep running. And when I did that 10k it wasn't that first 4 km that I ran that killed me, it was the 6km AFTER that.

So I feel like I have a great start to my week! Gold star for me!!

GoodBYE 150s!!

Today the scale reads 149.8 lbs.

WOOT!!!

Next week is TOM, so it may be fleeting... lol, but I'll own it anyways! And I'll be working hard to get even further down to counteract the bloating, so if there IS a gain next week, it won't be forever!

Check this out...

Doug and I are shopping and I'm trying on these tops. There were all different colours and patterns and he was helping me decide which one I wanted. One had horizontal stripes. We liked it and as I headed back into the changeroom I said "but it has horizontal stripes". Doug responds, "yeah, they aren't always a good thing, but you're past the point of that mattering, because it didn't even register".

Woot!!!

I may actually live...

I'm definately on the mend now. I'm eating real food today. Not much of it, but it's not liquids. My head is almost cleared of cotton. Thank Gawd!!

Br: 1/2 cup cream of wheat w/ 1 tsp br sugar (pt)
Lu: leftover chicken dinner
Sn: popcorn w/ 1 tsp each margarine & olive oil, splash of vanilla & 1/2 tsp splenda
Dn: Creamy ham pesto casserole (core)

I'm able to drink water today (yesterday it hurt my stomach). I haven't excercised yet, because I just don't have the energy. Tomorrow I'll do a 30 minute meander on the dreadmill.

Not sure how the scale will react to all of this, but I'm not worried about it. It will even itself out in the long run. This is life, and sometimes it gets in the way, but that's the journey isn't it? Dealing with what life throws us and moving forward in a positive, solution oriented manner.

Game on!

Sooo Sick.

So, I had SO much fun at Cindy's 40th!! Ate all kinds of good and bad things. I was totally proud of myself for not having a chicken wing, even though I wanted one soooo badly. I had to win over something, dammit... lol.

By the end of the night my stomach was rolling with how much I ate, and I'm sooo glad I wasn't drinking! Especially since it turned out I had the flu. Yup, at 3am, there I was hugging the toilet. After a night of it, I thought it would be a lark to stand on the scale. I got down to 148.6. I'm tellin ya, I was SICK!

I'm better today, not throwing up anymore, just really really weak.

What Happens When You Work It??

It works!!!!

I have been completely committed this week. I've worked out five times. I've been completely Core. I've watched my caloric intake and output. I've drank my water. I've taken my vitamins. I've been awesome... and I've lost 2 pounds!! Yeah, baby!!!!

Doug and I ended up in a huge talk the other night all about Weight Watchers. He has a friend who's mom tried WW and lost a little weight then gained it all back. This friend was wondering why it worked for me and not his mom. So Doug came and asked me.

It was a great conversation. When I have those talks, it completely rejuvinates me and reminds me of why I'm here. I'm not sure what he's taking back to his friend, but after an hour or so of talking, going through to Core list, explaining the concepts, why's and wherefores, it came down to this... the program works if you work it vs manipulating it. Doug came away from that evening understanding completley that WW is an education, not a diet. And that if that's not how you are thinking about it, then you will most likely, statistically, fail. He also understood where the emphasis was in that statement. The YOU. Because the program works. YOU just need to work it.

I'm so totally jazzed. I'm so happy to be where I am today. 152.2 lbs, and down a notch on the BMI scale. Today I hit 27.8 and I'm stoked!

Weird note: Sam caught the other day when I was talking about my weight and I said "Today I'm 195". She jumped on it "NO you are NOT", and I blinked, not sure what I had said. Freudian, huh? Well then this morning, I'm happy dancing around the scale and I sang out loud "I'm 192... NO i'm NOT". WTF, dude? When is my brain going to catch up to my body?? Bizarre, huh?

Last night I was hanging out with friends. They decided to order dinner. Pizza and Chinese food were being bandied about. Then of course the pressure started. "You have to stay for dinner". They were being so awesome about finding something "I could eat". I ended up leaving and coming home to eat. I knew the pressure when the food got there would be too much. So I made a choice. I came home and made a wicked salad with salmon and was really happy for it.

As I'm always saying, it's all about choices, isn't it??

Yummy

I just had the juiciest pear! Why don't I eat them more often??

I'm not working out today. Day of rest!

Completely OP today, though.

Woot!

Another Star for Me

I went for an hours walk tonight. More of a meander, but man it sure took it out of me. This run I did on Sunday sure did a number on me!!

I'm going to go make me some popcorn and rest my sorry butt on the couch.

I'm kicking my butt this week. Three gold stars on the calendar so far!

30 minutes and POOPED!!

Holy shit.

I just got off the treadmill. I walked for 30 minutes to get my legs moving. I set it for 2.8 mph and it almost killed me. Which is hilarious because usually I walk at 3.5 and can go for hours.

I am now feeling the urge to spend the rest of the day on the couch... and I'm giving in to it.

Yup yup I am!

I did it... and that's IT!!

Holy fucken FUCK was that 10k TOUGH!! Waaaay harder than the Sun Run. Sun Run was through fairly level streets. Vistas Run was up and down ravines and hurdling logs in the freakin forest!!

The good news is that because of a comedy of errors at the start of the race, I pushed a LOT harder than I was planning on doing and beat my Sun Run time by one minute. This one I did in 1:14.

And it totally cured me of doing 10k's in the country. Never again. I came out of the Sun Run pumped and looking for my next challenge. I came out of this one pissed off and tired. No more for me. My running will be at my own pace, when I want to. I'll probably keep doing the Sun Run, but that's about it.

But hey... if you want a REALLY gorgeous walking / hiking route, Kanaka Creek Park is amazing!

Today's WI

It's a great one! Down one full pound!

I know it would have been more if I hadn't stuffed my face last week with cupcakes, beer & bbq. But the good news is that I worked my ass off this week and it paid off! Imagine what NEXT week will be like!!

I just read the most amazing blog post from a woman who has lost oodles of weight. She has chips and m&m's in her car that she was planning on eating tonight after eating the same this morning. She's bingeing and she confessed on her blog to get herself under control.

I cried. That was me. That still could be me if I let it. I'm not strong and I beat hell out of myself sometimes for it. The cupcakes are a prime example. "I'll have one" I thought when I bought the half dozen. Yeah, no... I ate them all. And I knew I would.

But guess what... I'm human! And so is everybloodyone else out there! I'm NOT alone. This woman's blog inspired me to be a better me. She showed me that I'm not only not alone, I'm also not a freak.

I've joined the Six Week's till Canada Day challenge on the Core Boards. I'm going to lose ten pounds in this six weeks.

You watch... ☺

Great Day Yesterday!

I had SUCH a great day! Susan met a new friend at the hairdressers a few weeks back and they were chatting about Weight Watchers. Turns out that Rosmary is doing Core online. So Susan invited her to join us on our walk around the Sea Wall. Amber ended up joining us, too!

So the four of us made our way from Georgia & Denman all the way around the sea wall, and ended up at Tan Popo for all you can eat sushi. YUM! I tried some new things. Some were good (tempura yams) some not so much (terriyaki chicken sushi). The salmon sashimi was beautiful. Then we went for cupcakes. I made the fatal error of buying a six pack AND one to eat. So I ate my one, then on the way home I snarfed another one. Then when I got home I had to try a piece of each one to see what they tasted like. Which led to more bites, which ended up with me probably eating a full five cupcakes when you add them all together. Yeesh!

Then I got a call from Kyros and walked down to his place. Drank some lite beer with clam and played an awesome game of badminton. Steve joined us with the dogs, and we hung out for a bit, then walked home. All together I figure that I walked for about 18 km yesterday. And that does not include the badminton activity. No wonder my hips are a bit sore! Although, I sure needed to in order to counteract those damn cupcakes.

Starting tomorrow I've made a commitment. I'm determined to lose the rest of this. No more complacency! Here is what I committed to:

... excercise at least four times a week. (I can do that)
... be more dilligent with comfort levels. (It's hard, but I can do that)
... get into a routine, and live it Monday to Friday. (I've almost perfected it)
... stop making choices that I know I am not going to enjoy, that just aren't worth it. (for instance the stupid cupcakes )

When I do these things, I have results that move in the right direction, both on the scale and off. I have not been doing 100% on these things... Probably 60 - 70%.

If I kick it up 10%, what would that break down to? ... okay, how about this: I also commit to adding 30 seconds of jumping jacks, three times, to my day. (gulp, ... I can do that)

OW!!

I've had a great week off work, and took advantage of that time to do some pretty cool working out.

Monday I ran and then powerwashed my house.
Tuesday I rested.
Wednesday I did my step aerobics tape on my new step. Here's the thing, though... I didn't realize that my step was on it's highest setting. I did the entire workout, which I haven't done since November or earlier, on EXPERT.
Thursday I puttered with arms and abs all morning, because my calves were screaming.

And now it's Friday. And here I sit with my calves coated in A535, in hopes that it will stop the seizing and allow me to go for a run. Seriously, the pain!! My calves are balls. Just to touch them to put the cream on was unbelievable!

I can feel the cream working, though, so I will definately be going out running today.

As for my eating... fair to middlin. This being at home thing is really difficult, and I have to really work on my choices. I do about 90% great, and then have something not so great. Like yesterday was completely Core, then Logan and I were out and I was hungry so we split a panini and a bowl of Italian Wedding soup. Wednesday I had a happy face cookie from the Haney Bakery. I don't even remember what I did on Tuesday. Not huge things, but something each day.

I'm actually looking forward to working again, so I can find a new routine that works.