If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Friday, January 25, 2008


Dangblastinfrickenfrack! Yesterday was NOT a good day for me. Actually, a more honest Dee says that I was not good for the day! PMS is a bitch and so am I.

I posted a borderline bitchy email to Crystal. Why? Cuz I was tired, bitchy, and just feeling shitty and took it out on her when she was being her wonderful supportive, helpful self. I apologized this morning.

Gawd, I'm rotten somtimes. WTF is wrong with me??

So I get home last night, Steve hasn't started dinner. I just looked at him. He says "just relax and take it easy, I'll do it, you go sit down, Sweetheart". Asshole. So while he's finishing his smoke, I set out the ham in the fry pan, the peas in the pot, and just as he comes in he's like "what are you doing? Go sit down!" I snark at him, "You can do the yams". Then as I'm puttering and he's peeling, I say "Gawd I'm tired tonight". He says, "Yeah, I've felt the same way this week". Empathising, right? Asshole. Do I commiserate? Hell no! I jump in with "why, because you've doubled your workouts this week?" Inside my head I'm thinking, holy shit you fuckin BITCH! He pauses, and says "I know... I have to say I've been so impressed. There's no way I could get up at 6am and get on the treadmill." God he's a prick, huh? So of course I have to respond with, "yah, up at six, have a workout, work all day, have NO nap, and work out for another 30 - 90 minutes". He snickers (fucker just won't stop being nice by this point which is KILLING me) and says "I couldn't do it". To which I snap "you could, you just choose not to." He laughs and says "you are right". Fucker. I just leaned my head on his back and said "I'm so tired". Sometimes I hate being married to an angel.

So I go and change into my workout clothes, come back and grab my dinner, sit down in front of the computer, and eat. After dinner, I'm eyeballing the clock. I start my workout at 7:30 and it's now 7:20. Fuck. Fine, I should get up and go then. Blow my nose and BOOM. Nosebleed. That tears it, I'm done. Fuck this shit. I'm taking a goddamn night off. Mind you, I'm yelling this, like I'm arguing with poor Steve who was sitting happily watching the news munching on his dinner. He's NOT arguing with me as I keep yelling "I already worked out today!" "I've worked out every damn morning and night this week!" "I can TAKE a night off!"

Poor bastard.

So no workout last night. Sat and read my Womens Fitness magazine (which is totally awesome and you should get it!). Went to bed early and woke up with my period. However I'm in a much better mood.

It IS Friday after all!!