If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Today's Fuel

Br: spinach pie & a banana
Lu: salmon, couscous, mushrooms, chopped brocslaw, sesame oil (pt), canola oil, lemon seasoning, soya sauce, all nuked in the microwave together.
Sn: oatmeal custard pudding
Sn: cottage cheese & peach & ground flax
Dn: core meatloaf muffins, rice, swiss chard

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Happy Thursday!

I just had the BEST breakfast! I cooked steelcut oats in milk with some honey and vanilla, then when it was done I threw in a mashed banana and some peach chunks. Yum yum!

Well, the last two days have seen me on the treadmill. I'm getting back into running on it. It makes a nice break in the middle of my day.

I have stepped on the scale twice since I threw it up in the closet. The first time was a couple weeks ago and I was at 150.2, so I knew I had to get back in control. I knew I had gone a little overboard with the extras in my diet. Having both a bagel in the morning and a wrap at noon, adds up quickly. Plus I was eating till full rather than satisfied. I avoided the scale for a week when I knew I should just peek to check where I'm at. Needless to say, seeing the 150's again... not cool.

So I stepped on it again a couple of days ago, and it was at 149.6. Okay! I'm maintaining! Good show!

I was getting bored with my excercise, thus the back being on the treadmill. I seem to do things in phases. I'm good with back being in a running phase. Not sure that I'll even move it out doors. Mind you, never say never, right? All I can say is that today I'm happy on my treadmill. I'm not in training for anything so I can stay happy on my treadmill.

Oh and I found a fabulous 5k trail I want to run. Gold Creek, up to the lower falls. Steve and I went for a walk up there and it took us and hour twenty to walk it. Would make for a lovely run one day.

Today is a new day and I have a new saying! NOT an option. It's all over the WW boards right now. When faced with a choice, make something not an option. Muffins? Not an option. Chocolate? Not an option. Feel like skipping your workout? Not an option. I like it!!

So that's it for today. I'm in a good place. I'm happy about my weight. I'm happy about my current level of excercise. It's all good!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Today's food

Br: scrambled eggs & buffalo burger patty
Lu: leftover pork bites with swiss chard
Sn: cottage cheese, grapes, ground flax
Dn: satay, potatoes, cabbage
Sn: popcorn & milk

I was on the treadmill and watching the food network and got the idea for the satay.

Mix together:

ff plain yoghurt
olive oil
minced garlic
peanut butter (pts)
curry powder
onion powder
celery salt

I chopped up a turkey thigh in chunks and poured the satay sauce over the chunks in a ziploc baggie and marinated them in the fridge all day. Then skewered and baked.

It was okay. Not fabulous. Don't think I'd do it again.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Monday... again?

Gah, it comes around quickly, doesn't it?

My "new venture" is definately picking up business. Fantastic! I'm feeling like it's going to be a good week!

My fuel today has been:

Br: Egg Bagelwich
Lu: yoghurt, oatmeal, bulgur and a banana
Sn: salmon fillet
Sn: cottage cheese w/ ground flax
Dn: pork bites & southern bacon swiss chard
Sn: popcorn if I need it

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Thursday, Already??

TOM is almost gone and I can see my ribs again. Phew! It's weird how much it affects me now that I'm not carrying all that extra weight to mask it.

Today's Fuel:

Br: blueberry meusli
Lu: hamburger wrap (3)
Sn: cottage cheese w/ peach & ground flax
Sn: plum
Dn: leftover stirfry?
Sn: popcorn & milk

I bought a 2 litre of milk in a plastic jug, and I've been using it for my water. What I'm finding is that I'm refilling it and drinking most of it again, so I've almost doubled my water intake! Before I had a one litre bottle that I refilled twice. Very pleased with that.

Last night Logan came for a walk with me. Teenagers! He bitched and whined that he didn't want to, then half way through he admitted he was glad he did. It was nice to spend an hour with just him and I and the dogs. The only downer bit was that I had to break something to him. You know when you see those people on American Idol and you think "who didn't love them enough to tell them they can't sing and allowed them to get up on stage in front of North America and make fools out of themselves?" Well, that's the example I used to Logan last night. Dude has NO pitch. NO tone. But he thinks he's great because he sings with passion (which I praised) and gusto (which I praised). I gently suggested he might want to look into having a convo with his cousin for some pointers. As much as he was disappointed, he was really mature about it and thanked me for putting it to him the way I did. He knew it came from a place of love, vs mocking.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tuesday Ramblings

This is an interesting phase I'm in today. Still excercising... but not quite as much. Still eating healthy... but with a few more bread products. The thing I'm struggling most with is portion control. Which tells me that I will struggle with it for life. Because food tastes good. Healthy food tastes fantastic. I'm thinking my life long mantra will be "One bite tastes like the next".

Overall, I'm pretty happy... but I know I've gained a few pounds. And I'm afraid to step on the scale and see how MANY. It could be as much as ten. But I doubt it. Plus I'm in full blown TOM, and have spent the last week bloated.

It's funny... I never felt my symptoms of PMS like I do now. I definately bloat. I definately retain water. I definately put on some pounds. When I was fat it did not affect me. I guess it's like Michelle feels with kids "when ya have so many, you don't notice a couple more".

Once my period is done, I'm going to step on the scale, just to see. And it's not going to be on a Saturday. I don't know why. I just really feel like I needed to say goodbye to the psychology of my Saturday WI.

On a side note, my quads are killing me. I worked out for about two hours on Sunday. It felt good. I went for an hour really brisk walk down to the bank and back yesterday, then did about 20 minutes of stepping while watching X-Weighted. Which reminds me. Another trick I need to do is surround myself with the education, literature, and conversations around health and fitness, otherwise it's too easy for me to ignore it and fall back into my old habits. Time to break out the old WW magazines (bastards haven't sent me the last two... ask me how I feel about their service) and reread what works. I signed up for Women's Fitness magazine. They offered twelve issues for twelve dollars. I couldn't resist. And I need the incentive.

That's what I realize today. I need the incentive for the rest of my life. I can't just say "I'm done" and close the door. I still need to talk about it. I still need to read about it. I still need to be active with people. Unfortunatley, I'm also in a bit of a funk in other areas, and feeling a little alone (totally my issue) and dealing with how to deal with that for the rest of my life, too.

It's another year of change. One I'll be looking back on and admiring how I got through it healthy and intact. In the meantime, it's a work in progress. But for some reason today it feels like a very lonely work in progress.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Let's Hear it for Blueberry Season!!!

Last night I threw in a container 1/3 cup steelcut oats, a couple tablespoons of bulgur, two big scoops of ff plain yoghurt, maybe 1 tsp of honey, about 1/3 cup milk and some bloops of vanilla extract. This morning I scooped some of it over a cup of fresh blueberries and YUM!!!

What a great way to get dairy, freggie AND grain in all at once. Fantastic way for me to start my day.

Today's Fuel:

Br: blueberry meusli
Lu: wrap w/ leftover bacon veggies & kidney beans
Sn: carrots
Sn: plum
Dn: steak, baby potatoes, swiss chard
Sn: popcorn & milk

AP: 30 minutes of hard step aerobics & dog walk, maybe some yoga (back is hurting, need to stretch it out)

Water: at least 2 litres


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Today's Fuel

BR: WW bread (1pt) toasted with nectarine's and ff cheese on top.
Sn: cottage cheese w/ ground flax (1) & carrots
Lu: wrap (3), w/ tuna, avocado & kidney beans
Sn: nectarine & carrots (need to hit the grocery store)
Dn: chicken breast & swiss chard.
Sn: popcorn w/ franks oil