If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Saturday, May 31, 2008

What Happens When You Work It??

It works!!!!

I have been completely committed this week. I've worked out five times. I've been completely Core. I've watched my caloric intake and output. I've drank my water. I've taken my vitamins. I've been awesome... and I've lost 2 pounds!! Yeah, baby!!!!

Doug and I ended up in a huge talk the other night all about Weight Watchers. He has a friend who's mom tried WW and lost a little weight then gained it all back. This friend was wondering why it worked for me and not his mom. So Doug came and asked me.

It was a great conversation. When I have those talks, it completely rejuvinates me and reminds me of why I'm here. I'm not sure what he's taking back to his friend, but after an hour or so of talking, going through to Core list, explaining the concepts, why's and wherefores, it came down to this... the program works if you work it vs manipulating it. Doug came away from that evening understanding completley that WW is an education, not a diet. And that if that's not how you are thinking about it, then you will most likely, statistically, fail. He also understood where the emphasis was in that statement. The YOU. Because the program works. YOU just need to work it.

I'm so totally jazzed. I'm so happy to be where I am today. 152.2 lbs, and down a notch on the BMI scale. Today I hit 27.8 and I'm stoked!

Weird note: Sam caught the other day when I was talking about my weight and I said "Today I'm 195". She jumped on it "NO you are NOT", and I blinked, not sure what I had said. Freudian, huh? Well then this morning, I'm happy dancing around the scale and I sang out loud "I'm 192... NO i'm NOT". WTF, dude? When is my brain going to catch up to my body?? Bizarre, huh?

Last night I was hanging out with friends. They decided to order dinner. Pizza and Chinese food were being bandied about. Then of course the pressure started. "You have to stay for dinner". They were being so awesome about finding something "I could eat". I ended up leaving and coming home to eat. I knew the pressure when the food got there would be too much. So I made a choice. I came home and made a wicked salad with salmon and was really happy for it.

As I'm always saying, it's all about choices, isn't it??

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


I just had the juiciest pear! Why don't I eat them more often??

I'm not working out today. Day of rest!

Completely OP today, though.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Another Star for Me

I went for an hours walk tonight. More of a meander, but man it sure took it out of me. This run I did on Sunday sure did a number on me!!

I'm going to go make me some popcorn and rest my sorry butt on the couch.

I'm kicking my butt this week. Three gold stars on the calendar so far!

Monday, May 26, 2008

30 minutes and POOPED!!

Holy shit.

I just got off the treadmill. I walked for 30 minutes to get my legs moving. I set it for 2.8 mph and it almost killed me. Which is hilarious because usually I walk at 3.5 and can go for hours.

I am now feeling the urge to spend the rest of the day on the couch... and I'm giving in to it.

Yup yup I am!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

I did it... and that's IT!!

Holy fucken FUCK was that 10k TOUGH!! Waaaay harder than the Sun Run. Sun Run was through fairly level streets. Vistas Run was up and down ravines and hurdling logs in the freakin forest!!

The good news is that because of a comedy of errors at the start of the race, I pushed a LOT harder than I was planning on doing and beat my Sun Run time by one minute. This one I did in 1:14.

And it totally cured me of doing 10k's in the country. Never again. I came out of the Sun Run pumped and looking for my next challenge. I came out of this one pissed off and tired. No more for me. My running will be at my own pace, when I want to. I'll probably keep doing the Sun Run, but that's about it.

But hey... if you want a REALLY gorgeous walking / hiking route, Kanaka Creek Park is amazing!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Today's WI

It's a great one! Down one full pound!

I know it would have been more if I hadn't stuffed my face last week with cupcakes, beer & bbq. But the good news is that I worked my ass off this week and it paid off! Imagine what NEXT week will be like!!

I just read the most amazing blog post from a woman who has lost oodles of weight. She has chips and m&m's in her car that she was planning on eating tonight after eating the same this morning. She's bingeing and she confessed on her blog to get herself under control.

I cried. That was me. That still could be me if I let it. I'm not strong and I beat hell out of myself sometimes for it. The cupcakes are a prime example. "I'll have one" I thought when I bought the half dozen. Yeah, no... I ate them all. And I knew I would.

But guess what... I'm human! And so is everybloodyone else out there! I'm NOT alone. This woman's blog inspired me to be a better me. She showed me that I'm not only not alone, I'm also not a freak.

I've joined the Six Week's till Canada Day challenge on the Core Boards. I'm going to lose ten pounds in this six weeks.

You watch... ☺

Monday, May 19, 2008

Great Day Yesterday!

I had SUCH a great day! Susan met a new friend at the hairdressers a few weeks back and they were chatting about Weight Watchers. Turns out that Rosmary is doing Core online. So Susan invited her to join us on our walk around the Sea Wall. Amber ended up joining us, too!

So the four of us made our way from Georgia & Denman all the way around the sea wall, and ended up at Tan Popo for all you can eat sushi. YUM! I tried some new things. Some were good (tempura yams) some not so much (terriyaki chicken sushi). The salmon sashimi was beautiful. Then we went for cupcakes. I made the fatal error of buying a six pack AND one to eat. So I ate my one, then on the way home I snarfed another one. Then when I got home I had to try a piece of each one to see what they tasted like. Which led to more bites, which ended up with me probably eating a full five cupcakes when you add them all together. Yeesh!

Then I got a call from Kyros and walked down to his place. Drank some lite beer with clam and played an awesome game of badminton. Steve joined us with the dogs, and we hung out for a bit, then walked home. All together I figure that I walked for about 18 km yesterday. And that does not include the badminton activity. No wonder my hips are a bit sore! Although, I sure needed to in order to counteract those damn cupcakes.

Starting tomorrow I've made a commitment. I'm determined to lose the rest of this. No more complacency! Here is what I committed to:

... excercise at least four times a week. (I can do that)
... be more dilligent with comfort levels. (It's hard, but I can do that)
... get into a routine, and live it Monday to Friday. (I've almost perfected it)
... stop making choices that I know I am not going to enjoy, that just aren't worth it. (for instance the stupid cupcakes )

When I do these things, I have results that move in the right direction, both on the scale and off. I have not been doing 100% on these things... Probably 60 - 70%.

If I kick it up 10%, what would that break down to? ... okay, how about this: I also commit to adding 30 seconds of jumping jacks, three times, to my day. (gulp, ... I can do that)

Friday, May 9, 2008


I've had a great week off work, and took advantage of that time to do some pretty cool working out.

Monday I ran and then powerwashed my house.
Tuesday I rested.
Wednesday I did my step aerobics tape on my new step. Here's the thing, though... I didn't realize that my step was on it's highest setting. I did the entire workout, which I haven't done since November or earlier, on EXPERT.
Thursday I puttered with arms and abs all morning, because my calves were screaming.

And now it's Friday. And here I sit with my calves coated in A535, in hopes that it will stop the seizing and allow me to go for a run. Seriously, the pain!! My calves are balls. Just to touch them to put the cream on was unbelievable!

I can feel the cream working, though, so I will definately be going out running today.

As for my eating... fair to middlin. This being at home thing is really difficult, and I have to really work on my choices. I do about 90% great, and then have something not so great. Like yesterday was completely Core, then Logan and I were out and I was hungry so we split a panini and a bowl of Italian Wedding soup. Wednesday I had a happy face cookie from the Haney Bakery. I don't even remember what I did on Tuesday. Not huge things, but something each day.

I'm actually looking forward to working again, so I can find a new routine that works.