If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Monday, April 28, 2008

Back At It

So since I only have four weeks until my next 10k, I figured I better jump back into that there saddle. This is the 2nd workout for week 10 of the training program. I figured this would be a great place to start, since it puts me at the timeline for the run.

Warm-up: Walk slow and easy for 5 min.
Run 4 minutes. Walk 1 minute. Do this 9 times.
Cool-down: Walk slow and easy for 5 min.

Yeaaah, except that I haven't had a good run SINCE the Sun Run last Sunday! I made it to 7 sets and called it a night.

It was pouring rain, and I was drenched. By the time I got home (walking the cool down) I was freezing.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Weight Loss Update

I don't know why I was nervous of WI this morning, but I wasn't feeling very confident. WRONG.

I'm down 2.6 this week!! The scale read 153.8!!


Weight: 153.8
BMI: 28.1
Percentile: 53rd % (this means I'm 3% above the average weight at my age and height)
% of Body Weight Lost to Date: 26.1
Total Lbs Lost to Date: 54.2

Fuckin A!!!

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Nothing like running into an old friend at the track who wants to yabber which cuts into your running time when you're on a curfew. Argh!!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

One would think...

You know, funny thing... one would think that if one ran a 10k on Sunday, that on Tuesday, a long run would be a breeze. But one would be sadly, sadly mistaken.

After dinner tonight I got dressed for my run. It's a balmy 13 degrees out, so I'm dressed in shorts and a T. Running belt on. Watch set. This time, because I'm not training yet for the 10k on May 25th, I decided to do something a little different. I set my watch for 37 minutes (random, but whatever). I thought "I'll go as far as I can for 37 minutes and then make my way back home, for a nice long run". At about the time that the watch had counted down to 24 minutes, I realized that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to do this. My muscles were already screaming in protest.

So, all told, I went for a run that lasted 37 minutes, with a few little walkie breaks in there. There were moments I thought my hamstring was going to seize up, but I worked through it with some stretches and walking.

So apparently the body is tired after a 10k. Who knew?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sun Run!!

First, is it normal to feel a let down? All these 13 weeks of intense focus... Done. Weird.

The day was incredible. Sunny and cold. Froze my ass off (actually, my ears, but who's counting) in the morning waiting for the race to begin. Then we were off! It was AWESOME!!

I had set my watch to run 8/1, but ended up barely using that. Because crowds of people, you were forced to walk a couple of times, so skipped the next walk cycle... that sort of thing. It was WAY easier than I expected it to be.

I was super glad to have had bites of bagel in my running belt. I chewed them down at 7km, and felt like superman. I finished strong!

I did not time myself, so I'll have to wait until the paper is published tomorrow to see if I made my goal of 90 minutes, but I know it was close. Above all else, I'm super proud of myself because I made a commitment, dedicated training, and completed the mission.

I feel like a real live athlete!!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Run Update!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I had a great run last night. Really helped me to clear my head of all the negative energy, and focus on being results oriented.

10/1 x 4 with five front and back.

Magda gave me some great advice on stretching excersizes and core building techniques to alleviate my back pain. It's helped already after just one day!

So I'm back, baby! Ready for the Sun Run!!


I think I'm happiest that when I talk to Andrew tonight, I have positive news to relay to him.

When I look from his point of view, it must be very difficult to be a parent from such a distance and feel so helpless. He cannot do a damn thing to help Logan in his daily life, so to have to hear nothing but negative, well, I would hate it.

Knowing that I can talk to Andrew about the solutions in place, and Logan's mature attitude about having a plan... I am no longer dreading that conversation.

The Good News is...

We had a great meeting with Logan last night. Steve and I met with him and had a conversation around current reality, what the goal is, and the steps that he needs to take to get there.

Current Reality: Not attending classes, hanging with Curtis, getting a start on the grades situation, owes 350 for the camera, owes 200 for the bike, feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and is suffering guilt stress stomach aches.

Goal: Pulled up grades so passing with good marks. Stopped hanging around with Curtis, because he's bad news. Payed off both debts. Feel great because did the right things and are on track to a great career.

Steps that Need to be Taken:

- Talk with Curtis and let him know that relationship is done (already done yesterday)

- Already has a good start on the homework situation. Had a good week of catching up, and feels productive. Will maintain the momentum.

- Will attend class today in the morning (it's a non instructional day) to make up missed time.

- Will attend breakfast club Tues and Thurs from 7:30 - 8:30 to make up missed time.

- Use the planner to map out school projects. Use math skills. If project is due in two weeks, figure approximately how long it will take to complete, and divide those hours by eight days (figuring Friday, Sat & Sun can be project free days) and to budget time to get projects done and done well enough to have a great grade.

- Applying for yard work job around the corner from school, to pay off debts.

- Taking $40 earned tonight and walking down to Aaron's and handing 20 to Aaron's very angry father. He is to say "I promise to pay for the bike, and this 20 is the start to show my commitment to you". He will do the same with the school librarian on Monday with the other 20.

The good news is that it was a very positive meeting, and Logan tells me that he already feels tons better because now he has a plan. He doesn't feel lost in a pit.

He also knows that if he finds himself backsliding, that I will transfer schools.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Banging my head on the desk...

So Logan's principal just called to tell me that Logan is in his office. His pants and shoes are wet because he fell in the creek when he was running from the manager of Dollar Giant as she was chasing him after a shoplifting incident.


Yes, he was in Dollar Giant during third period.


He said he had an upset stomach and had to go to the clinic, but he phoned the clinic and they have no record of Logan having been there.


And he's been pretty upset since the whole camera thing... oh you dont' know about the camera thing? (logan in the background saying: i'm pretty sure I told her). You see, Logan borrowed a video camera from the library and has apparently misplaced it.



So I asked the principap straight out, was Logan with Curtis? Yes he was. Of course he was! This is the kid I just talked to Logan about and told him that I felt he was bad news and that I didn't want Logan hanging out with him.

This of course was after Curtis apparently stole Aaron's bike out of our back yard, and now Aaron's dad wants Logan to reimburse him $400 to replace it.

Logan's life is going to shit. He's failing four of his classes. He's just making really shitty decisions. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by it all right now. I will have to phone and tell Andrew what's going on, but what good will that do? He's not here to help parent his kid.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

So far so good....

So most of you have ascertained that Doug is again living at home. It's going to be one hell of an adjustment, lemme tell ya. Steve is a little closed minded to the fact that Doug is an adult, and I cannot give him a cerfew. Last night he says "what time is Doug coming home". I said, "he might not be". Steve says "haven't you laid rules down about that?" C'mon, the kid is 21. I'm not going to tell him that he has to be home before dark, for crissakes.

Many have asked, but really I'm not sure what happened that Doug needed to come stay with us. I have learned not to ask questions. If I ask, and I know what's going on, I stress about it. I can not change anything in his life. So I figure if I don't know, I can't stress about shit I can't change, and I'm happy then. And really, my world revolves around my happiness, so I'm good with it. I know that if there was something I could help with, he'd come and talk to me. So until then...

Doug will be staying with us for a couple of months. Yesterday was the first day and there is water testing happening. He's really trying hard to fit in. He prepped dinner for us, emptyed the dishwasher and reloaded it. He's being very helpful.

The only hiccup, if I can even call it that was that Ashlee was over. I had said that I did not want his friends hanging out at our house. Period. So imagine my suprise when I come home from work to find company over on the FIRST day. I quietly took him aside and reiterated what I had said. His response at first was "she's only been here an hour". To which I replied "I specifically said that I did not want this house to be a hang out for your friends, then I come home from work after a long day, Steve wakes up from his nap, and someone is hanging out here? You can see why that would be bothersome, can't you?" He saw my point of view and we were able to come to a mature understanding.

One of the many things I love about Doug is that he can be easily communicated with if you explain facts and feelings to him. He's very sensitive that way.

I'm thinking this will be okay... for a while. Definately a time limit, though. Otherwise it could be ugly... lol.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Next week is it!

5/1 x 7 with 5 on each side.

Twas a lovely night for a run. Clear skies. Sunglasses on.

I was trying to be cautious with my foot placement, and sucking in my abdomen in order to not put too much pressure on my lower back. It's been hurting all day, and very uncomfortable sitting. When I blogged on the fitness forum on WW they suggested it could be either my shoes or my gait, and to strengthen my core.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Today's Lesson Brought to You by Cottage Cheese!

Today's lesson is this: if you plan on running EAT SOMETHING!

I was let out of work early, so didn't get to eat my cottage cheese. So I thought to myself "Self? Tell ya what we are going to do. We are going to go to the Farmers Market, then go home and prep dinner, eat the cottage cheese, go for the run, come home and cook dinner." We thougth it was a great plan. And it would have been! If I'd remembered the damn cottage cheese.

It wasn't till I was half way down Dewdney when my tummy chose to remind me. I waffled for a few steps, but this nights workout is a real easy one. 4/1 x 6 with 5 on each side. 40 minutes? No problem! Except I was ravenous by the time I got home and coulda ripped Steve's head off for starting dinner four minutes after I asked him to. The nerve!!!

Needless to say, I ate my cottage cheese, apologized to my husband, and came to blog.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Great Run!

So, I did the PoCo Trail today. 8/1 x 6, with 5 on each side.

Turns out my pedometer is not calibrated right. When I was done it said that I did 6 k, but there are k markers along the trail and when I put it to the test, it fell really short. So after I was done I drove the path. Turns out I did 8.8k!!

This tells me that doing the Sun Run will be a snap (so to speak... lol) as this was an "easy volume" week.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Outside Again

And it was awesome.

5/1 x 9 with 5 each front and back. It was tougher than it should have been, what with my bowels so backed up. Damn chili & bananas.

Okay TMI coming! You've been warned!

The WW ladies were right... tons of water, and some heavy excercise FILLED the toilet when I got home. My tummy feels less pressured, but still kinda sore. I don't think it's done yet. Unbelievable.

All seems to be well on the teenager front. Kinda freaky. Scares me when things are going so well.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Had a long day, with a workshop tonight. Didn't get home till 9, and jumped on the treadmill. Hated it. Did only four runs then walked for a total of 50 min / 4.8 km. Fucking hate running on the treadmill. Will not be doing that every again. Walking is fine, and quite enjoyable with the right tv show to focus on. However, I missed the air, the not sweating my bag off, and the focus internally that I can do outside. Right now I'm a sweaty bag of shit and not happy.