If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Fuel and Discovery

Friday's are always a convenience meal, because I'm doing Chinese delivery. So McDonald's fajitas have been my poison of choice. But the sodium! It's always in the red on Friday's.

Today I researched on the McDonald's website and found that if I trade one of my fajitas for a fruit and yoghurt parfait, not only do I save sodium I also save calories, and add to my fibre!

So here is today's fuel:

Br: 1/4 cup egg white omellete with mushroom, tomato and onion (note: no cheese!), 1/2 cup yoghurt and a glass of milk to take my vitamins

Lu: buffalo burger salad, with spinach, brocslaw, olives, onion and dill dressing mixed with mustard (note: 2 tablespoons is only 28 calories, and that's a full liquid ounce!)

Sn: 1/2 cup cottage cheese w/ ground flax and an apple

Sn: couscous w/ avocado, tomato & 2 teaspoons olive oil

Dn: McDonald's chicken fajita and fruit & yoghurt parfait

Workout today was 25 minutes of step aerobics on the supersized step.

Calories in: 1410

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday Fuel

Br: 1/4 cup egg white omellete with mushroom, onion & tomato. 1/2 cup plain ff yoghurt w/ drops of banana and coconut extract. Glass of milk with vitamin.

Lu: Chicken breast on salad with my dressing and black olives.

Sn: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, ground flax & sliced cucumber

Sn: paper bag popcorn

Dn: pork chop, couscous salad, steamed cabbage

Sn: 3 oz wine, 1/2 cup chocolate pudding

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tuesday's Fuel Commitments

What's your fuel today?

Br: 1/2 bagel, 1/4 avocado, 1/4 tomato, 1/4 cup egg white, 1 mushroom, 1 tablespoon ff cheddar (omellette on bagel) with a glass of milk

Lu: 2.5 oz steak, 2 oz imitation crab, 1oz spinach, 1 oz brocslaw, 1 tablespoon core fresh garlic dill dressing I made, 1 tsp mustard, with a pear for dessert

Sn: .5 cup cottage cheese, 1 tablespoon ground flax, dash of Frank's hot sauce

Dn: chicken brease, tomato avocado couscous salad, steamed cauliflower

Sn: pomegranite

Vitamin: check
Water: 2 litres
Activity: 40 minute walk, 40 minutes yoga

Monday, October 27, 2008

Look what I can do!!

I made a creamy dill garlic dressing today!

Sam and I were going through the salad dressings and were blown away by the HFCS and the sodium levels. Just cuz it's fat free, doesn't mean it's a healthier option!!! So I made it a mission to find an alternative that I could eat and enjoy. I don't do non-creamy dressings, just don't like them.

Logan liked my dressing so much, he thinks I should sell it to Save-On... LOL. I'm thinking more like to folks that work and don't have time to make such things for themselves! Sam got me thinking about it when I said "it would be super easy, I'm sure" and she reminded me that with her busy schedule, the last thing she has time for is to research and create a new recipe! I'll let ya'll know how it goes. If it's yummy, I'm willing to make it up and sell it to those of us that want the healthy option WITH convenience.

Here's the ingredients in order of most to least (although the first two are equal): fat free sour cream, fat free plain yoghurt, olive oil, fresh dill, fresh parsley, freeze dried dill, garlic, pepper.

And nutritional info?

Serving Size 1 tablespoon
Calories 14
Total Fat 0.5 g
Saturated Fat 0.1 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 1 mg
Sodium 10 mg
Total Carbohydrate 2 g
Dietary Fiber 0 g
Sugars 1 g
Protein 1 g
Vitamin A 0 µg
Vitamin C 0 mg
Calcium 24 mg
Iron 0 mg

Whatca Eatin?

Today's Fuel:

Br: 1/2 bagel, 1/4 cup egg white, 1/4 avocado, 1 mushroom, 1 tablespoon ff cheddar, glass of milk
Lu: leftover bbq steak, salad
Sn: cottage cheese, banana, ground flax
Dn: leftover Chinese Casserole over whole wheat pasta

Thursday, October 23, 2008

So THAT's why I crave chocolate...

... pms.

I made ff sf chocolate pudding last night and ended up eating the whole damn thing. It just tasted sooo good. Afterwards I went to the computer and sure enough, my period is due this weekend.

This means not a great WI, which is okay, because between my weekend and chinese food on Tuesday, and now the entire box of pudding... there wasn't going to be a great one anyways.

Feeling kinda bitchy and "whatever" right now. Harumph.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Chinese Food

... is sooo good! Although I cringe at the thought of how much sodium I ate last night.

I'll have to get Sammy to blog about her cupcakes, too. They were AMAZING. I don't know how many points or calories, but really cheap for cupcakes, and they were delish!

Today I'm stoked to have a healthy food day! It seems like each week has three not great ones, which stalls me. Saturday being at 147, I don't want another gain.

To counteract the sodium, I'll be drinking tons of water today.

Br: 1/2 flax bagel, 1/4 cup egg white, 1/4 avocado, 1 tsp capers, 1 slice ff cheese w/ glass of milk & vitamins
Lu: leftover kitchen sink sauce & ww pasta, 1/2 cup of each
Sn: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, kiwi, 1 tbsp ground flax
Dn: chicken breast, steamed cauliflower & broccoli
Sn: paper bag popcorn

Hmm. That is only 1050 calories. I'll need to find another 300 or so to eat.

I'll do about 40 min on the treamill today, and take the dogs for a 40 minute walk, too.

Have a good day, anyone around to read this!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

4th of the 4th!

So I sort of blognapped this tag from Pheonix Rising... LOL! And in turn I'm TAGGING ALL OF YOU!!!

Here's the deal, go to the 4th photo folder in your computer, and attatch the 4th photo in it!

This one is Logan, my birthday boy (15 today!) working on his foods project at the end of last year. His project that got an A, by the way!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday AGAIN?

Every Monday it's the same thing... I revert back to my healthy eating for the week, doing damage control for the weekends indulgences. It's a cycle, isn't it?

Ah well, it works for me... lol. I still get to indulge in pizza and chips, and maintain my body weight and still be fit. When you look at it that way, life is good!

I don't track my weekends in NutriMirror. I'm using the program for educating myself with my healthy eating, not my unhealthy eating. I know it's bad, nutritionally. That's why I dont' eat it during the week! And why I don't go stupid crazy on weekends! Only... half stupid crazy, lol.

Today I switched up my breakfast: 1/4 cup egg whites, 2 tbsp ff cheese, 1/2 cup brocslaw, 3 mushrooms, 1/2 tsp sesame oil and soy sauce, all in the fry pan. Washed down with a glass of milk. Was lovely! And very low in calories and cholesterol while being high in protein.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thou Shalt Not...

... eat like a pig for three days and think the scale won't shake it's finger at you!

147.2 this week.

But it's not near "shoot me"! And with my plan on NutriMirror (cue cheezy music), I'm definately fine with this! Between the two turkey dinners, with desserts, the beef dip on Saturday, the chips and the rest, I was not shocked to see the scale go up.

Plus (TMI), I have been eating bananas so haven't pooped in three days. I need me some apple sauce. Or prunes. Mmmmm, prunes. *adds to shopping list*

Friday, October 17, 2008

Life Decisions...

Ya'll are aware (obviously) that I have made many changes in my life in this quest for healthy and longevity. Ya'll are also aware that I am turning 40 WAY too soon. WAY too soon. But I digress... (WAAAAY too soon)

I have been thinking about something for a few months now, and have finally come to a decision that is for ME.

Drum roll please...

I'm giving up smoking of any kind.

Yup. You heard me.

Although, I will put this disclaimer: Merritt doesn't count.

I'm turning 40, and yes, I'm wigging out a little bit. But I just keep telling myself that I'm at least in the best health I've ever been in my entire life. I am dedicated to my body, and making this damn thing last as long as possible.

So in order to squeeze out another couple of years, I'm giving up putting smoke in my lungs. It actually won't be hard. I've only consumed once since the wedding. And before that it had been a few weeks. So it's not like I'm chronic and this is a big deal to me.

But here's where you shmokers come in. I need your help in one area. Can I please ask that when we are partying together, you not make me aware that it's an option?

I'm hoping that ya'll can support me in this decision, as I was supported when I quit cigarrettes, and as I was supported when I quit junk food (not sure which was harder, since I still slip with the odd cheeseburger here and there but haven't had a cigarrette in ... 19 months).

I don't want anyone to think that this is in reaction to anyone else's decisions/thoughts/process'. I'm being completely honest when I tell you that I have been thinking about this for a while. At least three months, if not longer. I want to do this for me. I want to live longer and healthier. I want to be someone that others look up to and emulate (is that too narcissistic?).

I just wanna be healthy.

Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

New Tracking Site

Click on the title to go see it. It's actually way better than FitDay because you can do meals and menus. Not being able to do those on Fitday did NOT encourage me to cook, lemme tell ya. It made tracking a nightmare.

Plus, this program TELLS you if you are getting too much or too little of everything. So far, I'm doing really well, except in the cholesterol area, where I seem to constantly go over my daily allowable. It helps me keep a close eye on that, as well as my other nutritional needs.

It also does my math for me. I plugged in today's menu only to find that I have another 121 calories that I need to eat in order to get my caloric intake inline with my weight loss goals. Cool! An extra piece of fruit or glass of milk and I'm good to go!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Stepped on the scale this morning to see 149.6. Whoops! Time to get right back OP!

But did I enjoy my two turkey dinners? Abso-freakin-lutely!! Both were incredible. And while I ate lots, I did not overstuff myself by any means.

I see a looot of excercise in my immediate future, lol.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Thanksgiving Dinner

There's lots of talk around the blogs this week about the frenzy of Thanksgiving and the fear of the meal itself.

Me, not so worried. I've been on this journey long enough to know that I cannot do permanent damage, so I'm going to enjoy my dinner, opt for healthier portions of all the yumminess I love, and continue on my life afterwards, with no stress!

I know that one meal (at which I know I will overindulge) will not break my resolve to be a healthier person. And I know that I must step up my workouts the following week to compensate so it doesn't show on the scale. Big deal! I've done it countless times now in the past two years, and I know that I can be successful at it. AND, I know that if it shows on the scale next Saturday, I'll have it under control by the next Saturday.

I remember the anxiety I had in the beginning. The self doubt. The actual FEAR of the meal, and I laugh at myself now.

Hmm... you know what this tells me? I really AM here. I really AM a healthy person! DAMN this feels good!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Today's Fuel

Br: crockpot cinnamon apple steelcut oats
Sn: 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 tbsp ground flax (pt), kiwi
Lu: 2oz buffalo burger, 1 cup leftover yam fries, all in a flax wrap (pts)
Sn: pear
Sn: glass of milk
Dn: pork chop, baby potatoes, grilled zucchini
Sn: core cocoa (milk, cocoa powder, splenda. tastes like dark hot chocolate, yum!)

Calories in: 1282
Calories out: 2259

I have room for a food snack after dinner should I need one.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Whatcha Eatin?

My fuel for today:

Br: 3/4 cup cottage cheese with grapes cut into it and 2 tbsp ground flax with a glass of milk to wash my vitamins down
Lu: egg, mushroom, tomato, avocado & lettuce sandwich on body conscious bread
Sn: carrot stix
Dn: buffalo burger with yam fries (oven baked with an egg white wash )

Water: 2 litres
Activity: 35 minutes running on treadmill, possible dog walk later (probable... puppy eyes get me every time)

Calories in: 1713
Calories out: 2284

New Week = New Start

I took a total food vacation yesterday. Ate an entire bag of baked chips, a handful of candies, a plateful of dim sum, a full size flax bagel, and a Klondike bar. And it was all goooood.

Today I'm back in the game! I feel refreshed and not deprived and ready to face my week. Despite cramps. I enjoyed my day yesterday and feel good.


Thursday, October 2, 2008

Feel weird, but know why now.

I feel like I'm draggin along. I feel like I'm not being successful this week. But when I look at my fitday, I'm eating less than my caloric output, which means I'm on track to lose. And I am eating healthy choices for the most part. At least 95% of the time, anyways.

I'm excercising daily, in fact usually twice a day this week, between my treadmill run and walking the dogs or Alyssa. Yet I feel like I'm not doing enough. But I know I am.

I'm looking at all this, then I went to my chart... ah, yes... my period is due this weekend. All makes sense now. I'm a hormonal freak.

Okay. GAME ON!!

Killing time...

... while I drain my nose. No point in making calls before I finish my cup of coffee, or all they will hear is "excuse me... HONK".

What's your fuel today?


Br: 1/2 cup steel cut oats with a tsp of brown sugar and a glass of milk
Lu: leftover core curry
Sn: yoghurt & granola
Dn: salsbury steak, baby potatoes, cauliflower

20 minutes on treadmill
vaccuuming the house (with my current energy level, I'm counting this)
40 minute walk to get Alyssa
20 minute walk of the dogs

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Lung Capacity Zero

I did a run on the treadmill yesterday. The smallest run on the system. And it damn near killed me. Seriously, like I haven't excercised EVER. And I'm here telling you this right now because I'm procrastinating doing it again today.


I want to, I just know it's going to knock me for a loop. So instead, I'll tell you about my yummy lunch today! I had a flax wrap. In it I put avocado, brocslaw & ff cheese. I blooped hot sauce all over it, then rolled it up, sprayed it with olive oil and GFed it. Served with some ff plain yoghurt instead of sour cream, with a side of cottage cheese and I am satisfied and incredibly happy!

For breakfast I had two eggs scrambled. And milk.

Alright FINE, I'll go do the stupid treadmill.

grumble grumble grumble