If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Thursday, January 31, 2008

I love Canadian Bacon

Canadian Bacon. Is there anything finer? It's a cross between bacon and ham. The good tastiness of bacon meat with no fat, in ham form. And it's core. Seriously good.

Today is a better day, after a good nights sleep. I went to bed extra early last night. My groin muscle that I pulled is still paining me a bit, so I'm not upset that I ditched my workout. I'll do it tonight on the dreadmill.

I'm back OP today, with no muffins in sight.

Have I mentioned how much I love my girls? I posted an email after hemming and hawing back and forth... I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't post how bad I was having of a two day stretch, since most of the time I'm an inspiration. I don't want to inspire in the wrong direction. But then I rationalized it out and thought "nobody is perfect, especially me, and I want everyone aware of that". It was HARD to write it out. It was next to impossible to hit send. I felt like a failure, but only for a moment. Then I gave myself the speech I would have given anyone else about how just admitting it and throwing it out there into accountabilityland is an NSV, and I should be proud of myself for recognizing a weakness and dealing with it, forgiving myself, and moving on.

So here I sit at lunchtime, eating cous cous, veggies & Canadian bacon thinkin it's not so bad. In fact, it's kinda good. Alright, fine, it's awesome... lol.

I gotta go grocery shopping but I'm putting it off till Sat. It's going to be dicey making my lunch tomorrow. Not a lot of fresh stuff left. I'm scrambling for healthy snacks. Today I have a boiled egg... lol. Luckily for dinner tonight is sketti squash, so I'll make up that veggie serving there. Hmmm. I'll have to spend the points on a piece of bread for the carb if I'm going to be working out.

So here's todays menu:

Br: WW Bagel Sandwich (egg, portabello, jalapeno soy cheese, wasabi, Canadian bacon, ff mayo) (2pt)
Sn: didn't have one, still full from breakfast
Lu: Canadian Bacon, cous cous, veggies, olive oil
Sn: 1 hb egg, 1/2 asian pear
Sn: 1 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup zucchini raw
Dn: lean pork loin chop, sketti squash, peas, 1 piece Balance bread (1pt) with light butter (1pt)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Day from HELL... this class is CURSED

So, yesterday, the coffee service doesn't show up in the morning. Gary at Scuie Catering says "oh, you approved the invoice for only one service on Wed". Okay, I'll take responsibility for gysting the email after telling him that I needed service for both days. Stupid me for ASSUMING that he was doing what I requested.

Today... no lunch. Apparently he left there at 11:40. Still has not arrived, and it's 12:54. His partner is getting worried cuz when we phoned to freak out, he tried calling Gary and got no answer. So now, Gary may be dead in a ditch. Because apparently Gary ALWAYS answers when he sees that it's him on the phone.

Bill is MAAAAD with a capital mad. While it's not technically my fault, I'm the one that set it up, so guess who gets the cold shoulder on this one. Niiiiiiiiice.

I've been totally stressed the last two days and I've eaten badly (by choice) because of it. I'm struggling. Painfully.

Is it fucking Friday yet?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Stupid Class Stupid Snow

So I had to come in to stupid work even though it's stupid snowing cuz of this stupid class.

Bill is driving me NUTS. Poof, whaddayaneed. Poof, whaddayaneed. Poof, whaddayaneed.

Once again, Kristy managed to NOT be here to help out. Every time is legitimate, but annoying nonetheless. I'm the best paid gopher I know. Sigh.

It's snowing again. Sigh.

I've pulled my groin muscle but good. No excercise for me today. Sigh.

I ate a butter tart square. Sigh.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Holy Blizzards, Batman!

So for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go to the track tonight. And it was... until the blizzard hit. I would have given just about anything for a good pair of ski goggles.

We ran for 3 min and walked for 2 min, and did that 7 times. It was BRUTAL. I pulled my damn groin muscle again. Stretching is my friend.

I'm tired. I'm having a cuppa and going to bed with my Women's Fitness magazine. That is, when Logan is done in the kitchen. He was in the bathroom the ENTIRE time I was gone. That's an hour fifteen. Geez!

I don't think I'll be on the treadmill in the morning. Have to get up an hour early anyways for the HIP. I am counting on the roads being cleared. Plus, I think my legs need a rest for a day.


Yummy finds!

My people ate it! They really did!! Soy cheese!!

Yes, I did. I bought soy cheese in two flavours. Jalapeno and Mozza. And both are good! The jalapeno if my favourite. Now keep in mind, it's soy, so you cannot expect it to taste EXACTLY like cheese. But it's damn close. And it melts beautifully. I see grilled jalapeno cheese sandwiches in my future, oh yes I do!

The other thing I found is Kashi Go Lean cereal. It's crunchy and healthy, and doesn't taste too much like sticks. Logan likes it. I had it in my yoghurt this lunch, and I'm happy with it.

Side note: Logan is eating me out of house and HOME this week. Peckerhead better be having a growth spurt. Yeesh!

I made my "twice baked faux mashed taters" last night. Gawd, I love that dish. I had to smack Logan away from the leftovers so I could have some for lunch today!

I also made up a supply of pumpkin oatmeal, since my favourite Sammy in the whole world found me some pumpkin pie spice. And guess what? I don't like it. Boo! Of course, Logan does. So he can eat it for the week.

Tonight is the scary 3 min of running of the Sun Run training. Yikes! Need to get blicky lights for our belts, though. Meant to do that yesterday. Whoops.

I was so proactive last night, prepping stuff for the week.... did up the oatmeal, a pot of brown rice, and chicken breasts for the GD Quesadillas tonite... only I left the stupid chicken in the oven overnight. Pfffft. Dog food now. Luckily I have a half a pound of ground beef in the fridge that I was going to use for lunches.

Okay, I can't think of anything else right now.

I'm out.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Why do I need a title? They're hard to think of...

So, yesterday we went to Crystal's for an invitation making fest. Found out that Cindy had a successful week. YAY!

I spent the day with my nose in the computer trying to find different and unique ways to word an invitation and an RSVP. What I learned is to not volunteer anything I like (h-hyuk), and to just keep my nose down and do my job. I'll just say that I'm not meant for that environment, and if my people really loved me, they would not include me in them. It was an incredibly stressful way to spend an afternoon, and I wasn't even on craft detail! Shades of Micheals. Oh, the anxiety...

One of the reasons I was glad that I went is because I have a clearer idea of where Jeanette is at. Lost and overwhelmed. I'm going to sit down today and work out a schedule for her to follow. We can tweak it later, but I just want to give her something simple to get her started.

I'm going to base it on core, as I don't know what she weighs, so I cannot give her an accurate caloric intake.

Today I'm stressed because I'm beating myself up about the chinese food and chips I had last night. But here's the thing. I've made healthy choices ALL over the place, and CHOSE to take the evening off. So why the fuck do I berate myself? If this is truly a lifestyle, then I'm allowed to have treats, as long as I work them off, which I do. I have to find my mental balance.

It's all a part of the process and part of the journey. I'm so hard on myself. Too many years of justifying my way into cheesecake, bread, and deep fried cheesy goodness. Now that I've trained myself out of that, I beat the shit out of myself when I allow it.

I'll work it all out eventually. I refuse to deprive myself. Just as much as I refuse to be fat again.

So to end on a positive note... hmmm.

Five things I'm grateful for this weekend:

My family time with both my boys, a new friend of Dougs, and Steve over dinner last night.
My time with my girls over brunch, talking about our new healthy lifestyles.
My convo with Sheesh, knowing she is making healthier choices and taking her meds.
My husband who doesn't know I'm going to bully him into driving me to the grocery store cuz there's snow on the road.
My sister, whom I feel like I'm missing right now, cuz I just love her so much, and want to spend time with.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Colour is my friend!

Woot! I just figured out how to Dee-ify this page. Note all the pinks!!


How come nobody is commenting?


Great WI today! I'm down 1.4, which considering TOM, is excellent!!

I'm going over to Crystal's today for brunch and invitation stuff. The gathering of friends over healthy good food I'm excited about. The other stuff... not so much. But then, I'm being a good friend and not complaining nearly as loud as I want to. Fortunately, all my friends are aware of my hate on for this kind of shit and put up with my shenanigans. Thank god for them, huh?

I'm taking Doug and Logan for haircuts at 3:30. While they are getting done I'll pop into the grocery store. Great Clips is having their 7.99 sale so I'm sure it will be nuts.

I feel like I had a great week, if you minus the total bitchyfest on Thursday. The good news is about that day that I listened when my body told me it was tired.

I'm reading two mags right now. Women's Fitness and Oxygen's special edition of Fat Loss. Great tips in there. The only thing I find frustrating is that in the Fat Loss mag there are a TON of ads for weight loss pills. I get the whole advertising makes the world go round thing, but geez. "Do it right" "Take a pill". They don't match up!

I am here to answer any questions my friends might have. I will give advice if I know what I'm talking about. I will tell you if I am talking out of my ass, or making an educated guess. I use google TONS to learn and educate myself. But I don't know everything, and I am new at this too. I'm in a daily struggle of my own journey, and yes, I'm successful, but it's hard work. I'm just like everyone else, and not a guru by any means.

I hope noone takes that the wrong way. I WANT to help, and I WANT to coach, and I WANT the questions, and I WANT to work together. I DON"T want your responsibility, and I DON"T WANT your blame if you aren't doing the right things and making the right choices.

Make sense? I guess my episode with the one person has really jaded me, and I'm scared to lose more friends because I refuse to be anyones reason or excuse.

Each of us has our own journey, with our own peaks and valleys. We coach and encourage each other but ultimately are completely responsible for ourselves and our own choices. This journey to healthy is based on common sense. That's it! Common sense says that if it is processed, it probably isn't good for you. Now you and I know that we can justify till the cows come home, but it is what is is and it isn't what it isn't. My justify days are over (for the most part) and I've learned to be honest with myself before I put it in my mouth.

You can do it, too. Just be honest. And shit, if you really want that Timbit, be fucking honest about it. Conciously think before you put it in "I am choosing to put this in my mouth and I am the only one who will suffer the consequences, but it's worth it to me right now". And decide... is it? Sometimes it isn't, but sometimes it is, and that's okay. Just know that calories in and calories out is the name of the game. If you put the extra in, you need to work the extra off THAT DAY. Common sense.

Educate yourself.

Holy Fuck. What the fuck was all that, huh? Maybe I have issues? LOLOLOL

Friday, January 25, 2008


Dangblastinfrickenfrack! Yesterday was NOT a good day for me. Actually, a more honest Dee says that I was not good for the day! PMS is a bitch and so am I.

I posted a borderline bitchy email to Crystal. Why? Cuz I was tired, bitchy, and just feeling shitty and took it out on her when she was being her wonderful supportive, helpful self. I apologized this morning.

Gawd, I'm rotten somtimes. WTF is wrong with me??

So I get home last night, Steve hasn't started dinner. I just looked at him. He says "just relax and take it easy, I'll do it, you go sit down, Sweetheart". Asshole. So while he's finishing his smoke, I set out the ham in the fry pan, the peas in the pot, and just as he comes in he's like "what are you doing? Go sit down!" I snark at him, "You can do the yams". Then as I'm puttering and he's peeling, I say "Gawd I'm tired tonight". He says, "Yeah, I've felt the same way this week". Empathising, right? Asshole. Do I commiserate? Hell no! I jump in with "why, because you've doubled your workouts this week?" Inside my head I'm thinking, holy shit you fuckin BITCH! He pauses, and says "I know... I have to say I've been so impressed. There's no way I could get up at 6am and get on the treadmill." God he's a prick, huh? So of course I have to respond with, "yah, up at six, have a workout, work all day, have NO nap, and work out for another 30 - 90 minutes". He snickers (fucker just won't stop being nice by this point which is KILLING me) and says "I couldn't do it". To which I snap "you could, you just choose not to." He laughs and says "you are right". Fucker. I just leaned my head on his back and said "I'm so tired". Sometimes I hate being married to an angel.

So I go and change into my workout clothes, come back and grab my dinner, sit down in front of the computer, and eat. After dinner, I'm eyeballing the clock. I start my workout at 7:30 and it's now 7:20. Fuck. Fine, I should get up and go then. Blow my nose and BOOM. Nosebleed. That tears it, I'm done. Fuck this shit. I'm taking a goddamn night off. Mind you, I'm yelling this, like I'm arguing with poor Steve who was sitting happily watching the news munching on his dinner. He's NOT arguing with me as I keep yelling "I already worked out today!" "I've worked out every damn morning and night this week!" "I can TAKE a night off!"

Poor bastard.

So no workout last night. Sat and read my Womens Fitness magazine (which is totally awesome and you should get it!). Went to bed early and woke up with my period. However I'm in a much better mood.

It IS Friday after all!!

Thursday, January 24, 2008


I stirred my ff plain yoghurt with splenda & blueberries with the same spoon I stirred my oil salad with. Now my damn fruity yoghurty goodness has the lovely hint of SESAME OIL.


That is all.

Whoah! Where'd I go?

So apparently, I'm not so good at this blogging thing. LOL

Although... it's kinda fun to look back at this and see how I was in JULY!!

I came back to it because my sis told me that she thougth I should blog. I can't say how dedicated I'll be, but whatever... you get what you get, right? :o)

Well, where am I now? I'm at 161.6 as of this morning. I hit a plateau back in November and stayed in the top of the 160's for ten weeks. I've since changed to Core and have seen the scale moving again. Yay!!

(I shoulda added some hot sauce to my cous cous. It has like NO flavour.)

What's new and exciting? Hmmm. OH! I've signed up for the Sun Run (scary shit!) and Sam and I are training for it. Next week we go to three minutes running with one minute walking. Yikes!

What else can I type... Gawd, most of the time I have a bizmillion things to say!

I guess I'll just say this: if you want to succeed in life, you need to plan. Plan your meals, plan your schedules, plan your water, plan your activity, plan everything except your spontaneity. Hell, even plan your sex if you need to! Nothin wrong with scheduling some cuddle time!

You know what? I have the BEST support team. There is not ONE person currently in my life that is a dark cloud. I love my people.

Alright, I'm done. Maybe the next posts will have some substance. Maybe not.

Maybe I'll just post fitness / nutrition thoughts when I think em. Maybe not. I commit to nothing. HA!!