If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tuesday Ramblings

This is an interesting phase I'm in today. Still excercising... but not quite as much. Still eating healthy... but with a few more bread products. The thing I'm struggling most with is portion control. Which tells me that I will struggle with it for life. Because food tastes good. Healthy food tastes fantastic. I'm thinking my life long mantra will be "One bite tastes like the next".

Overall, I'm pretty happy... but I know I've gained a few pounds. And I'm afraid to step on the scale and see how MANY. It could be as much as ten. But I doubt it. Plus I'm in full blown TOM, and have spent the last week bloated.

It's funny... I never felt my symptoms of PMS like I do now. I definately bloat. I definately retain water. I definately put on some pounds. When I was fat it did not affect me. I guess it's like Michelle feels with kids "when ya have so many, you don't notice a couple more".

Once my period is done, I'm going to step on the scale, just to see. And it's not going to be on a Saturday. I don't know why. I just really feel like I needed to say goodbye to the psychology of my Saturday WI.

On a side note, my quads are killing me. I worked out for about two hours on Sunday. It felt good. I went for an hour really brisk walk down to the bank and back yesterday, then did about 20 minutes of stepping while watching X-Weighted. Which reminds me. Another trick I need to do is surround myself with the education, literature, and conversations around health and fitness, otherwise it's too easy for me to ignore it and fall back into my old habits. Time to break out the old WW magazines (bastards haven't sent me the last two... ask me how I feel about their service) and reread what works. I signed up for Women's Fitness magazine. They offered twelve issues for twelve dollars. I couldn't resist. And I need the incentive.

That's what I realize today. I need the incentive for the rest of my life. I can't just say "I'm done" and close the door. I still need to talk about it. I still need to read about it. I still need to be active with people. Unfortunatley, I'm also in a bit of a funk in other areas, and feeling a little alone (totally my issue) and dealing with how to deal with that for the rest of my life, too.

It's another year of change. One I'll be looking back on and admiring how I got through it healthy and intact. In the meantime, it's a work in progress. But for some reason today it feels like a very lonely work in progress.


Your Mommy said...

oh my love part of this is the pre 40 funk. On some leave all of us felt it my mother me now you. it was very bad for me because of I am of the generation the coined the phrase you cant trust any one over forty....lol my mom just was very vain and was afraid to grow old. nun of us realized why till after the birthday not sad just a feeling of down and not quit knowing why hope this helps the lonely love mom