My Journey: Struggling

Disclaimer:

If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.

♥♥

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Struggling

I'm totally struggling today. I'm not in a great place. Feeling very quiet. Work has me stressed to my maximum capacity and I feel like I'm gonna blow. Or crumple. And I don't know which one will be worse.

Then, I'm cleaning out one of the bins and I find a sandwich baggie FILLED with chocolates. Mini Hershey's bars, Mini Coffee Crisp, and others. I actually held in in my hand, waffling back and forth. I wanted to stuff them all in my mouth at once. I didn't. I put them in the cabinet. The cabinet is right across from my desk (as is everything in this office).

I'm on an emotional roller coaster, and those chocolates are calling me. However, I know that they will not taste the way I want them to, as my taste buds have changed dramatically. I know that I will beat the shit out of myself if I consume the empty calories. I know that it will be a step backwards in my fight to control my own self. So I'm not doing it.

But I'm struggling.