If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Monday, February 2, 2009


Yes it IS! And I'm still OP!!

I ended up figuring it out and then counting out a portion of 27 baked Doritos yesterday. I loved every crunchy bite, and felt WORLD's better for having them. Moderation versus deprivation. Yup. That's the answer.

And after everyone left, and the bowls of chips were still on the table, I didn't feel strong enough to even carry them to the garbage without dipping in. So I left them there and went to bed. Today they are still there, but getting staler by the minute. I hate stale chips. Before hubby comes home, I'll dispose of them and they will be gross and I won't even want to try one. Hey, it's dumb but whatever works, right?

Did I tell you my new motto? It's "I can be difficult, or I can be fat!". I found myself saying it twice on Saturday. The first time, Steve and I were out shopping. We were hungry. We stopped at a Tim Horton's/Wendy's. I went to TH to get us coffees, he went to Wendy's for a burger. I had a Weil bar in the car that I had bought earlier because I knew the hungry's would strike before our planned dinner date. So I'm sitting there with my coffee, in Wendy's watching him eat a double baconator, and I'm HUNGRY. All of a sudden, I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked him for the keys. I was going to go sit in the car and have my bar and wait for him, where it DIDN"T smell like bacon cheesy meaty goodness.

So I asked him for the keys, and he goes to hand me the burger. THE KEYS THE KEYS I'm yelling quietly at him. He is shuffling the burger back and forth frantically hand to hand because he has too many pockets and can hear my panic. He finds the keys and as he hands them to me, he says "you are difficult". My response: I can be difficult, or I can be fat. And with that, out I flounced.

Side note: I sat in the car, grabbed the bar, and made a big production out of it withmyself. Out loud saying things like: "I bought this bar because I knew this would happen. I am choosing my health. I am choosing me. This bar will be delicious AND nutritious and I am proud of myself for making a great choice. I will enjoy every bite of this bar for what it is." And with that, I did. I enjoyed every bite. It was fruity and nutty, filling and yummy. I did not pout as I ate it. I had bolstered myself up and was shining by the time hubby got back in the car.

THEN, at dinner, I ask for the nutrition binder. I get it, and I'm pouring over it when I look up and see Steve eyeing me with a gleam that says "you are so damn cute". Pffft! Out it comes again: I can be difficult, or I can be fat.

And that's the story of my new motto... lol. Please don't get the wrong impression. My husband is so incredibly supporting, and loving.

Okay, on to today! Can you believe it's February??? Can you believe I've now made it through TWO weekends in a row and stayed on plan?????? Can you believe that I've lost 4.8 pounds in the last month?? ( I had one gain, but the rest were losses)

Today's Eats:

Br: 1/2 cup porridge oats (see below for news on this), 1/4 cup prunes, 1/2 cup grapes, 1/2 cup almond breeze, milk & vitamins (416 Calories)

Lu: chili spinach salad. 2oz spinach, 1 cup chili, 2 tbls salsa, 1/4 cup plain ff yogurt (235 calories)

Sn: asian pear w/ pb2 (104 calories)

Dn: 4 oz pork tenderloin w/ salsa & asiago, rice, asparagus (369 calories)

That's a total of 1124 calories for the day.

See at breakfast I had porridge oats? I went to the grocery store last night and found this magnificent thing! It's Oat Flakes, Oat Bran, Wheat Bran, and Flaxseed! Just that smidge more nutrition than regular oatmeal, for the same cost. I liked it! A little chewier than oatmeal.

Thanks for listening,



Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Wow, Dee!!! I am so impressed! You are doing all the things that you need to so that you can be successful! Way to go!

angelfire777 said...

hee hee - I love love LOVE that motto. I'm going to steal it. HAH! I've stolen it... tra la la...