Last night I thought it would be fun to take my sister to watch the bullriding. It actually never crossed my mind that she would WANT to bullride. My people tend to be watchers.
I rode the bull only at a private party, drunk and topless. It was a kick. It was probably 7-8 years ago, when I was about 180 lbs.
As my weight climbed, the chances of me getting back on that mechanical bull went from slim to none. Especially in the bar. No freakin way was I heaving my fat ass up on that thing, with all those young hotties that are there to watch the young hotties of the opposite sex ride. I know what people whisper and giggle to their friends.
Last night I had a major MAJOR anxiety attack. But I did it. I heaved my ass up on that bull. That was actually really difficult, because I didn't jump high enough. So it came to a point of "do I continue to struggle up, or drop down and try again". Then it became a battle of strength in my mind, and I was determined that I was not too fat to strength pull myself up. That moment felt like at least ten minutes. But I got up there.
I didn't last long. But it didn't matter. I was on the bull. With 100 people watching.
I love not being fat.
Now to fight the internal dialogue of "who wants to see a 40 year old woman up there. That's my next battle.
If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.
Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".
This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.