If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Sunday, September 13, 2009


Again with the TMI:

I had an AMAZING night with my man last night! I decided that only I can change what I want changed, so it was a night of romanticism, soft porn, wine, hoots, and sensuality EXTRODINAIRE!!!!

Soft porn (from A&E Channel) is beautiful! And sensual! And totally not fair!! You see tits, ass, even a flash of pussy, but never cock. Ever.

However, for those that like the sexy without the actual close up joined shots, this stuff is hot hot hot!! And, it reminded me how to BE sensual. Watching those girls strip for the man, writhing their bodies, touching themselves... watching the man's eyes as he drank it all in... made me go "hmmm". So I whipped out some Creamsickle massage cream and gave myself a wee chest massage. Holy Banana Feathers!!! I haven't seen that look in his eyes in YEARS.

It made me realize that I have a hot body that my husband hasn't seen before... and dammit, I can USE it!! And guess what.. he doesn't SEE the flaws. He sees the new skinny parts. He sees the boobs. He sees sexy. He sees sensual. He sees whatever it is that I want him to see.

I talked once about bathing suits, and how I'm so much more conscious NOW than I ever was fat. Cuz noone has expectations of hotness from a fat chick, but one that is closer to skinny, people are more critical of (read: I am). Well, I took that into the bedroom. My big big BIG mistake.

I forsee a whole lotta sexy time in my future. Time to reconnect on a level of intimacy. I don't care WHAT he is watching on tv, if I'm feeling it, I'll put on a little show for him and I guarantee (I hope!!) that I will get what I am needing. And if not, then I finish what I start, and he gets a good show. Win/Win.



Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

LOL! I think I need a cold shower!

You crack me up!

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

I think the whole sex as we age thing needs to be talked about more. Sex as we age and lose weight is a whole other ball of wax, and complex. Then add sex as we age , lose weight, have been together for a LONG time ( hubby and I are married 28 years and have been in a committed relationship with each other for 31), sprinkle it with menopause and the male equivalent ( I am 51, he is 54)and any issue you faced in your 20's seems like a laugh. You are on the right track ! We ARE sexy, no matter what our head tapes want to tell us, and there is NOTHING that says we cannot initiate something. Enjoy your new sense of empowerment !

Fatinah said...

wow Dee!!

Becca55 said...

wow, I have been away for too long. This is great to come back to, who needs romance novels? :) you rock dee!!