If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Thursday, November 27, 2008


My people do not GET me.

Steve, the other night "what's wrong?" HELLO!! I just found out three hours ago that my mother DIED.

Doug after I ask him for support says he does then goes on to tell me how overwhelmed HE is with MY life story. HELLO!! Back to you???? Can we just focus on me for ONE conversation, PLEASE????

Logan today, "are you tired or something?" I snapped on the poor guy. "Hello?? I just found out my mother is dead, and I'm dealing with issues with my father, wtf do you think is wrong?" His response "I'm just trying to make polite conversation to help you forget about it"?

Sigh. Then I had to explain to him, through gritted teeth, trying NOT to scream his face off (cuz it's really not his fault, he's just doing the best he can with the tools he has), that I don't WANT to forget. This is my LIFE. I need to be in it, not ignoring it. Ignoring it does not make it go away, and it does NOT make it easier. I have to learn to live WITH my emotions, deal with them, and move ON.

Poor Logan. He's only 15. He honestly is trying. The rest of them, though? Could I BE more disappointed in two human beings?? It's like if it doesn't impact them directly, then it doesn't exist, or it doesn't matter. Life goes on.

Well, yes, life goes on. But how hard would it be to take five seconds out to just say "I hope you are okay and if you need me I'm here". WithOUT then making it about you.

I'm ALLOWED to have down time, and considering how much support I give on a daily basis, how come it's so fucking difficult to get from some people without having to do a whole lot of explaining???

Okay, rant over.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for your support. I do appreciate you.

I just have to remember that expectations ARE pre-meditated resentments, and it's my issue, not theirs.


EricaAnn said...

*love* *support* *more love* xoxoxo

Phoenixrising said...

Boys... here's something meant to make you smile... my best friend Sarah always says this to me when I'm feeling grouchy with a man:

"Boys are stupid; Throw rocks at them..."


Ok... don't actualy THROW the rocks at them... but, you know... you could threaten it... might be funny...

Did that little sad attempt at comedic side show randomness work? I hope so!


sesame said...

Boys....can't live with 'em. Can't legally kill 'em.

"Oblivious, you know the place don't you? Right, you live there."


Magda said...

hem... here are my two cents...


LOL... just playing, I have no idea what you're going through.. it's your mental party and as I said on the phone you seem to be on top of it.. you know you can alway call me and wake me up.. :D worst thing I'll do is to tell you to sod off (but I think the excitement of the call will get you through to .. what's up first ;).

I'm always up for a rant, sometimes even when they aren't mine 0.0 (shocks I know right??)

Hey funny story I was telling someone about something and they did the same thing.. somehow turned the whole thing around into... well this guy at my work.. I just raised and eyebrow and listened in amazement... :D