If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Fuel and discovery, extrodinaire!

Br: 1/2 bagel, 1 mushroom, 1/4 cup egg white, 1/4 avocado, 1 tablespoon Romano cheese
Lu: salmon, spinach salad
Sn: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, apple
Dn: buffalo salsbury steak w/ gravy, rice, steamed broccoli

You will note a new addition to my repitoire. Romano Cheese. Oh yeah, baby. So much of what I am reading says cut the "diet" crap and spend the calories on small amounts of the good stuff.

So I was in the grocery store, staring at all the cheeses, and realized that I am woefully ignorant on flavours of cheese! So I asked the lady next to me which one would be a good strong one for my pasta (actually, my spaghettie squash with the blue menu primavera sauce, which I highly HIGHLY recommend). My choices (based on sodium, fat, and calorie labels) had come down to Parmesan, Asiago, and Romano. She tells me that Parmesan is the mildest, and it's a toss up between the Asiago and the Romano. Except the Asiago was way higher in something... can't remember what, so I took the Romano.

YUM OH YUM! For one tablespoon it's 18 calories, 1.3g fat, 57mg sodium, and it's got a nice strong flavour so you don't need tons. One tablespoon compliments a meal beautifully.

I had it this morning on my omellete sandwich, replacing the usual slice of plastic ff processed crap. NO comparison!

In other news about me (cuz it's all about me, isn't it? Well, this blog is, anyways...) I'm not feelin the excercise thing lately. Wasn't sure why. Then I did a self inventory and realized that I'm kinda feeling "off". Explored a little deeper and WHAM it hit me. I have five days left in my 30's.

I can't say that it bothers me... that's too strong a word. Let's just say that I am VERY aware that I am turning 40 on Sunday. 40. Remember when 40 was ANCIENT? Now I'm doing everything I can to convince myself it is still young. "It's the new 30." What?? It's 40, no matter how you slice it. The only reason it's the "new 30" is because medical advancements have added ten years on our life expectancy. But 40 years is still 40 years for crying out loud. What a stupid statement. Really, it's just made up to placate people that are freaking out.

Not that I'm freaking out. Okay, maybe a little. But I have the right, dammit! I'm turning 40! Why the hell CAN't I freak out a little bit? It's MY 40th, and I can do as I damn well please!

Not that it pleases me... I can't seem to help it, actually. I've told myself all the good stuff. All my people have done their damnedest to placate me with all the positive speak. But as a wise soul told me recently, sometimes you need to let yourself freak out a little bit, so you can mourn it and move on in a healthier mindset than when you just stuff it. Right? RIGHT?????

Gah! I could go on forever here but I won't. I'm off to my corner. Tomorrows a new day. Except that tomorrow I will have only 4 days until I'm 40.



Phoenixrising said...

It's a big milestone in life, for sure, we all go through them... First turning 16, turning 19, turning 21, turning 25, turning 30, then 40... it goes on and on! It's not the first, and it won't be the last! Celebrate this year knowing you look damn good for 40, hell, you look damn good for 30!!! And don't let society's view of 40 being "the new 30" stick in your brain! You're right, 40 is 40 no matter how you slice it, but what the heck is wrong with 40?! If you have a good life, and are in good health, you have love, friendship, hobby's and interests to occupy you, what does it matter how old you are!

<3 HUGS! And HAPPY FRICKIN BIRTHDAY DAHLING! Have a fantastic day on Sunday, I'll be thinking of you!

sesame said...

Right! RIGHT!

I totally get it. I think all of us become very pensive and overwhelmed when we get to those land mark events in our lives.

You're doing all you can, experiencing it, feeling it, going through the motions.

Good news is that you will come out the other side even more enriched and fabulous than before. Afterall, the celebration will be EPIC!