If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Monday ... in so many ways.

Well, I guess I can say it on here now... when I went to the doctor's on Wednesday last week, he told me that the spot on the end of my nose is skin cancer. It's totally easy to get rid of, but still, to be hit with "that word" was mindswirling, to say the least. At least I had all the dietary issues to focus on until I could face saying "I have skin cancer". I called my doctor's office today to find out if an appointment was made yet for me with the platic surgeon, but I missed the person that does that. Now I have her name and what time she'll be in tomorrow.

So this is why I took Thursday and Friday off, which allowed me to go insane in my posting, and blog away that insanity and really find myself and where I am on this journey through life.

Which brings us to Monday. Monday has been a day of catch up. I had so much work to catch up on... nuts. But I'm done, most of it. The rest has to be spread out over the next few days, as it's calling hours that I need to catch up on. That can't be done at night. Plus there are a few admin things that someone else dropped the ball on, so I have to wait on them before I can do MY catch up. I hate that.

The good news is that even though I was mindfucked, I was still watching my intake... mostly. I ate well over 80 % of the time, which to me is a success. I ended up calling it binge last night, when out of having the stress munchies I ate a baggie of apple cinnamon cherios and a granola bar. *shrug* Coulda been worse. But it put me over my caloric budget, and technically it was a chosen binge. Recognize it for what it is and move on.

Which brings me back again to Monday. Day of new beginnings! I realized that every thing I ate today came with or out of a bowl. Huh.

Breakfast: Oatmeal made with almond breeze, banana and pineapple, with PB2 and chocolate chips and toasted almonds on top. Served with milk and vitamins. 402 calories

Lunch: leftover buffalo burger with 2 tablespoons asiago cheese melted on that Burger First whole wheat bun, then sprinkled with garlic powder. Served with a bowl of ham & pea soup I crock potted over the entire weekend, draining off all the fat overnight in the fridge for easy scooping. It is soooo good I had two servings (thus the large bowl). 754 calories

Dinner was more soup (told you it was good) with a pita stuffed with imitation crab, seafood sauce and alfalfa sprouts. 463 calories

Doh! I totally forgot to take a pic of snack. That was a whole banana, 1/2 cup pineapple, 1/2 cup plain fat free yogurt and 1/4 cup flax granola. 297 calories

So, on track, planned, eating to plan. Two workouts today. One yoga, and I'm about to put 40 minutes towards circuit training. I'm actually looking forward to it because my feet are so damn cold. Need to get that circulation pumping!!

Thanks for listening,



Kari said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kari said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to hear "that word". My aunt went through the same thing a couple years ago and it was a simple process but still very scary. I wish you the best!
And in my mind eating some cheerios and a granola bar is pretty damn good considering!
Hope you had a great workout...having cold feet is no fun!

sweet26 said...

i just read back on your last few posts, and i want to thank you being so open and honest about your struggles. lots of "heavy" stuff! i can related to a lot of things you said about wanting to be a certain size/bmi...knowing when you're done...but still, i'd rather struggle with these things than 50 extra pounds.
i hope you're able to make an appointment soon to get rid of the spot. stay strong!

and re: your question about tofu...i press it (place the block of tofu btwn a towel w/ heavy object on top for a few hours) so that i can get some moisture out of it before baking it or frying it. it makes it dense, chewy and yummy!

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Thanks for your posts, ladies!

Yep, the "binge" coulda been a WHOLE lot worse... lol. And I definately prefer this struggle to the ones I had two years ago!

And thanks for the pressing instructions. Can't wait to try it!

Dancing Sweet Pea said...

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear about the spot on your nose! All the best to you! Skin cancer is always something that is on my mind too because I'm so fair and a redhead too. I burn very easily and I've had my fair share of good burns at that! Take care and I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Krista "Phoenix" said...

Duuuuude, that's sucky. Aw, hope all goes well with the surgeon. Scary word indeed.

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

I'm so sorry, Dee :( I hope all goes well for you.

workhardeatwell said...

My stomach dropped when I started reading your post so I can't even imagine what I punch in the gut it must have been for you! Even if it is an easier to be removed type of cancer, it is super scary.