If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Recipe, Epiphany, and Musings

Okay, the recipe for the butter chicken is stupid simple and you will laugh, all who asked for it:

3 chicken breasts, cut into bite size pieces
1 large can of diced "no salt added" tomatoes
1 packet of 50 gram Indian Butter Chicken, Spice Paste for Poultry, mild (Asian Home Gourmet)
1 cup plain fat free yoghurt
1/2 small box whole wheat linguine

I browned the meat, slopped in the tomatoes, dumped in the packet. Cooked the linguine while it simmered for 20 minutes. Threw it all together and mixed in the yogurt. Voila.

I remain... the queen of shortcuts.


It makes 6 cups:

Nutrition Info:
Serving Size 1 cup

Calories 241

Total Fat 2.6 g
Saturated Fat 0.6 g
— Trans Fat 0 g

Cholesterol 35 mg
Sodium 361 mg
Total Carbohydrate 32 g
Dietary Fiber 4 g
— Sugars 9 g
Protein 21 g

Vitamin A 239 µg
Vitamin C 22 mg
Calcium 117 mg
Iron 3 mg

And of course it tastes WAY better the next day. Using the large can of tomatoes really tones down the spice (I read it after and the packet is for half the amount of ingredients I used).

My epiphany is around the word "lifestyle". When I first started the journey, I was adamant about using the word lifestyle. I was not on a diet. I was creating a lifestyle. Blah blah blah blah, talky talky the talk. But looking back on that poor delusional soul, I know she had NO idea what that really meant.

It sounded good. I mean, after all, we all know that diets don't work. That you have to create a lifestyle, because if you go on a diet and then revert back to the way you always ate, you'll put the weight all back on, and it will bring friends. We all know this.

But I tell you, there is now way, back then, that I could have forseen the truth in this statement. And it reaffirms for me just how powerful words are. You see, I had no idea. But I kept talking the talk. And every day I inched forward on my goal. There were days I didn't. Hell, there were WEEKS that I declared a food vacation and ate willy nilly. (one at a time, though... never weeks on end) But I still always maintained that I was not on a diet, I was creating a lifestyle.

Fast forward and here I am today. I'm at my goal weight. I'm maintaining that weight. And I'm doing it successfully. Know why? I'll tell you why... I created a lifestyle. Yup yup I did!

I eat NO differently today than I did two months ago, when I was still on that weight loss journey. I eat the same foods. I eat at the same times. I make the same healthy choices (90% of the time). I drink the same water. I have the same excercise schedule. Everything is exactly the same EXCEPT for 500 measly little calories. That's it! So on my salad instead of one tablespoon of asiago, now I can indulge and have two. I can add almonds to my oatmeal. I can incorporate a tablespoon of healthy oil, too! I have an extra 500 calories to play with in my budget. But that is IT.

I don't eat mountains of cream puff madness. I don't gorge at buffets like I used to. I created, over time, a lifestyle that I enjoy and can maintain. Mainly because I worked so damn hard to live it every day for two years.

Don't get me wrong... it was definately a morphing beast. In the beginning I ate the same foods I always did, just in proper portions (boy THAT was a shock and a half). Then for the next year I found every 100 calorie pack and diet yoghurt and fat free product I could wrap my grubby little hands around, to get the most bang for my caloric buck. Then the next half year was wrapping my head around eating "clean" and actually listening to my body's needs. Since then it's been tweaking the clean eating, and learning to enjoy my body at the level it's at today. And now it's doing what I've been doing, and enjoying the little perks here and there.

But overall, nothing has changed. Crazy, huh?

This is why you have to love what you are doing. If you are eating a food because you "should" and really are not enjoying it, is it going to become a lifestyle you can maintain? No. But if you just find a whole other level of foods to enjoy, then live in the moment, THAT is sustainable. Does that make sense?

It does to me. Today. Back at the beginning, I never would have beleived me, though. But just saying the words got me through, until they became my current reality.

Food Blogging.

I pretty much suck at it. So in true "me" fashion, I'm not committing to it! I will take pics when I remember, and not stress out when I don't... lol.

I had an AMAZING dinner last night. Michelle (my workout buddy) invited us over. She made chicken breast stuffed with cheese, spinach and stuffing (made with water, not egg or oil) and baked in the oven. Baby potatoes in olive oil and seasoning and salad wrapped it up. I took a small plate and enjoyed it all. Then for dessert I had brought over an angel food cake, canned peaches (in pear juice, not syrop) and whipped cream. Yummy yummy yummy. And no damn pics!!!

I had PMS popcorn for Biggest Loser (which was freakin AWESOME. I don't like Tara, but I was glad she did what she did. She deserved it. And booo that Ron is still there.).

Breakfast and lunch were oatmeal and leftover butter chicken. Nothing spectacular.

Tonight I am meeting up with a bunch of folks from High School. I am so incredibly nervous. I have blocked SO much of my childhood... I am embarrassed sometimes when faced with situations I don't remember. (it happened again last night with a stupid little thing, but I was burning up inside with embarassment that I couldn't remember it)

Hopefully things go well. I'm sure they will...

Thanks for listening,



Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Yay for you! You really have transformed yourself into a "healthy living" person!

Booo to Ron, too.

Food blogging is definitely a labor of love! I love it, though!

Krista "Phoenix" said...

You rock Dee, you are such an inspiration to me and so many others!

Sharon said...

I think doing what works for you is best, and thus far, I think you are doing great.

And thanks for sharing the recipe! I never know what to do with chicken when it comes to cooking it by myself!

Fatinah said...

what a great post!