If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Friday, May 8, 2009

A Great (and eye opening) Start to my Focus

Here is the lunch I made myself. It's a little smaller than I would probably normally make. Yesterday I probably would have had twice as many carrots, or maybe a half an apple on the plate. Today I decided on a roast beast sammich and carrots. Looks good, huh?

Actually listening to my hunger level, this is what I left on my plate. This freaks me out. This was the eye opening part. I sit here typing this, and I am maybe one carrot over the comfortable line. I could have stopped two carrots ago, comfortably.

But here's the thing.... I go into the kitchen to wrap this up, knowing that if I don't deal with it immediately, I will pick at it until it's gone, and what do I automatically do? Reach to eat those carrots. There's only two. It's silly to wrap them. I ACTUALLY thought that as I reached for them. Then I pulled my hand back and out loud said "NO" to myself. Then I chuckled, and reached for the saran wrap.

And here is my afternoon snack, all ready for me. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. And I realize how easily I can slip back into my old habits without even trying.

It just goes to show how vigilant we must be, especially when we've made it to goal. The fight isn't over. Not until we are dead. For the rest of my life I will have these moments. I'm sure I'll slip again, and I'm sure I'll pick myself up and revisit the tools that work for me. That is life.

And I'm living it, baby.

Thanks for listening,



Squishy ! said...

While I know that these are things that we'll always deal with, I'm putting my money on it getting easier over time, so long as we are diligent in the learning.

I actually struggle more on the other end, desiring that "full" feeling. It's hard for me to know when I am satisfied. I tend to under-eat or overeat, being that my gauge doesn't seem to work very well. I think that is why I eat like a nut when I don't track my food carefully. I just want to feel satisfied, and it is hard for me to get that bodily trigger before accidentally eating too much.

Krista "Phoenix" said...

Dee, you are amazing! I totally admire how diligent you are in staying on top of things, even when it's hard, even when you've fallen down, even when it's "only two carrots"... you inspire me greatly, dear friend! :)

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Thanks for the nice comment about my mom!! I'll make sure to tell her what you said and guess what?? Her name is Dee!!! Serious!