If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Can you believe it's here already??

I had SUCH a great visit last night with some very very dear friends. They were friends with my oldest son's father, as well. He died back ... oh, it's been 9 years ago now? It's a tragic tale of drugs and bad choices leading to a miserable end for a good man.

Doug looks exactly like his father (he's the tall one in my family pic), from the eyes down. The eyes up are definately me, but the rest is all Doug Sr. In fact, Ramona said that when he walked in, she was actually startled. She knew immediately who he was, and she teared up upon seeing his father so strongly.

I invited Doug to coffee last night because I wanted him to meet friends of his father's and mine, and because I wanted to gift them with him. And that is exactly how they felt. Like it was having Doug Sr. back again for a moment. Same lanky frame. Same sense of humour. Same self love. Same walk, even (stick up the butt and armpits on fire... lmao). Of course, Doug's response to that was that he walks like he's the shit, because he IS the shit. Not humble, that one... lol. Frankly, he was doomed to be that way from both sides. I always forget how alike Doug Sr and I were. It really hit home for me last night as we sat around talking about him, and Douglas' similarities. In my head I'm thinking, "but that's me". But then I remember back... and it's him, too.

I feel gifted all over again. My son carries on his father's genes in even more ways than I was aware. What a blessing in my life.

This all, of course, sent me into a complete tailspin, and I woke up mulitiple times in the night, with Doug Sr on the brain. I spent a lot of time with him last night, and it was all good. I awoke this morning feeling a little teary and missing him, but on the other hand, feeling very close to him, too.

He lives on... in his son. In me. In his friends. In his family. He lives on.

Merry Christmas, all.

Thanks for listening,