If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

Saturday WI

An increase of .6. I'm at 146.6 today. And you know what? I'm TOTALLY GOOD WITH IT!!!!

I mean, come on... do you remember how badly I ate this week??? I had a potluck on Saturday, a completely decadent Sunday, and that uber delicious potluck swan dive on Wednesday. Now I knew that I did "good" for my eating in comparison to "old me" but eventually I'm going to have to stop that comparison. It's really apples to oranges. For my size today, that was NOT eating good, compared to ANYTHING. I'm justifying to myself my bad choices. That's reality.

BUT, I did add more excercise to compensate my choices, which is why my gain was so minimal. And THAT is a good choice! THAT is a lifestyle change, my friends! And I'm damn proud of myself.

Tonight I have a party to go to, and I know that I will eat yummy goodness. The people hosting are mentors to me (although I don't know if they know it... lol). They are some of the healthiest choosing people I know. So I know that while there will be treats, there will also be some good choices on the table. And I have a plan *sticks finger in the air*. Oh yes, I do!!

First thing is that I will NOT eat before I go. That always ALWAYS backfires on me. Most people will say that you should eat a meal before you go to such an event so that you are not hungry and able to stay away from the food. Apparently these people have never met anyone like me. Cuz this is how this works... I eat my meal, and then I go to the event and stuff myself until I can't move. That is my reality. I like food. I like good food. I like to eat at partys. So why the hell would I eat first and double my calorie intake?

The rule in life is to take the rules and bend them to fit you and your quirks in the healthiest manner possible. That's my thought, anyways. So yeah, the meal thing might work for most, but let's face it ... I have always walked to the beat of my own tuba. So I'll just do what works for me.

My plan is to have a 1/2 cup of yoghurt just before I leave to drive over there. That way I have a small protein in my tummy and I won't be STARVING which will help, because if I'm starving I'm wolfing all sorts of bad choices. But since I'll have a light protein in my tummy, I'll be able to choose wisely and eat concsiously. And I will have a healthy calorie budget to blow. And if I go over, I'm not concerned about it. I know that I can work it off. It's not the end of the world.

That's what I love about not being on a diet! My lifestyle allows me to indulge on weekends with the knowledge that during the week I will eat completely clean, and be diligent with working out, which facilitates me enjoying weekend indulgences. Truly, can life get any better??? I have the best of ALL worlds and I'm maintaining it successfully.

Maintaining. I've been at this weight now for ... seven months? I've gone over 150 twice. Once when I started maintaining and was finding what works for me, and once when I took a food vacation. Both times I successfully nipped it in the bud and got back down to below 146. Eventually I will get down into the 130's, but I'm not in a rush to do it. Which is a good thing, because I know that at this size, it doesn't happen as quickly or dramatically. And reality is, I have a great body right now, so it's not necessary to get down further. I love my body at 145. I don't love it at 150. That five pounds DOES make a difference. It didn't when I was fat, but now it shows dramatically in the mirror when nekkid (thank gawd for clothes).

I do have a goal to get down to 135, but I don't really have a timeline. It's more about just being healthier. And sexier. Yes, yes, I do live to be sexy. I like it a LOT. Last night my hubby called my ass a "fine booty". I've never had it called that before. I just about cried it made me so happy!!

Okay, I think I'm done rambling for now.

Thanks for listening,



Marisa said...

I'm looking forward to the "maintaining phase" and a "fine booty"!! LOL!!