If you have issues, or baggage, you may be offended by what you read here. I work through my self loathing of my own fat, and my own fat issues, and I’m told this comes across as loathing all fat people. That is simply not the case.

Here I talk about my issues and my findings, without political correctness. I am not concerned with your issues, or your baggage, or what you may take from this. The title is "My Journey".

This blog is not meant to inspire anyone. I take no responsibility for what you take away from here. You are here as a guest into my inner thoughts.


Monday, June 1, 2009



That is the number on the scale this morning. I gave myself a food vacation from Wednesday to Sunday. I didn't work out. I drank. I ate chips. I ate caesar salad. I ate ridiculous portions.

I feel like shit. I've been in a food hangover for days. I feel like my body is full of toxins. My clothes are tight. My muffin top is so pronounced that I cannot wear 2/3 of my wardrobe.

I feel fat.

What is scary is how QUICKLY that weight comes back on. This is why it's so easy to get fat again. This is why the statistics are what they are. Holy fuck! I keep saying I don't want to be a statistic. But yet, my scale is at 156.2 this morning!! Let's hope some of that is sodium.

So I can bitch or whine, but bottom line is "what are you going to do about it".

I am going to reduce my calories to 1200 a day (that's a deficit of 3-500 calories). I am going to add back in my daily workouts (I had excuses and reasons all last week and did NONE) Monday to Thursday, with or without Michelle. I am going to add in another two workouts this week. I am going to go grocery shopping and stock up on healthy nutritious CLEAN foods. I am going to cut out bread products for this week. I will snack on carroty goodness. I will throw out all crap in the fridge that I was planning on incorporating into my meals so as not to waste them. (someone said once to me "you spent the same $$ whether you eat it or not")

I am going to dance. Whenever possible. I am going to shimmy and shake and get my groove thang on and burn every extra calorie I can. I am going to work my ass off... or on. I have no ass. I have to work to have one. But I will work this stomach off!

I will NOT be a statistic. I can't. I can't for ME. I refuse to give up being sexy AGAIN. I am happy as a thinner, healthier, sexier woman of 40 than I was as a dumpy, fat, no-one-looks-twice-at 30 year old.


Thanks for listening,



Becca55 said...

You go dee, I have confidance that you will get back to where you need to be.

Louwho said...

I just have to say "Whoa". Dude, that did come back quick. Once again, your experiences have served to educate me. What a reality check babe.

But, I too, know you will work this off.

And the best part? The part that is so different from the past you that I see? The awareness!! Of being on top and not letting yourself slip back.

I am still so proud of you.

Angie All The Way said...

Wow I feel like I wrote that post! It's strange how I feel the exact same way only I have 30 lbs on you...makes me wonder if this kind of up and down roller coaster ever ends? Frig.

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

I know you can do this, Dee! You are strong and determined and you will NOT be a statistic. Ya know why? Because you will reign this in and you will get back to where you feel comfortable. I think you will be surprised at how quickly it will come off. It's only been a few days of "vacation" and it's not gonna be real long lasting weight that you're seeing right now. A lot of it is water retention and body rebellion brought on by excess sodium, sugar and crap that your body isn't used to getting on a regular basis.

Also, you're in maintenance remember? You're gonna go up a little and down a little forever. No one stays exactly the same and I know for certain that you will not continue to go up and up! You have worked way to hard for way too long:)

Magda said...

although once your body gets used to your new 'normal' low weight it won't come back that fast... it would take a couple of weeks of being useless for that to happen. :) just to give you hope or something

spunkysuzi said...

Dee you are just like me, you can go off plan for a short while but you always get right back to business in no time!!