Some call it food... I call it ART!!!

I was chatting with Randie today (*waves at Randie*), and I realized that what I am doing today is implementing my favourite tool (they are all my favourite, so don't get too excited). It's called "Just for Today". I've fessed up to my crap eating, so you know I've not been fantastic for days on end. So JFT I am eating nothing but good healthy food with no chocolate bars, and nothing that isn't planned and accounted for.

Just For Today means I don't have to worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. I just have to get through today, fighting my sugar cravings. Just For Today. That's it! So far so good, actually.

For breakfast this morning I had a 1/4 cup egg white and fresh chives out of the garden omelette on a half whole grain bagel with 10grams of fat free cream cheese and a bloop of Frank's hot sauce.




That's so beautiful... let's have a closer look!




Then check out this lunchtime beauty!! That there is a pork loin sandwich with avocado, tomato, spinach and brown seedy mustard on squirrely bread, with a 100 grams of carrots. Boo Yeah!!





Snack... ah snack! I love snack. Especially when it's strawberries, grapes, fat free plain yogurt, a tablespoon of toasted almonds and a tablespoon of dark chocolate chips. What's not to love??

Okay, dinner isn't so artsy to the eye. Kinda looks like barf. But tasty! What you see here is a plate of vegetablicious spaghetti! Instead of pasta, I used spaghetti squash. Normally I put the sauce on top, but today I mixed it in. Not nearly as visually appealing. Note to self: squash soaks up sauce and disappears.

The sauce is stupid simple. A can of crushed tomatoes. A couple chopped mushrooms. A few chopped fresh green beans. A leftover pork chop from last night, minced. A handful of spinach. Top that bad boy off with some shredded asiago. YUM!! I love how fresh this sauce tastes. You cannot make me go back to canned sauces.

As far as working out, I did a circuit training / step aerobic thing for 45 minutes this afternoon, and have a session with Michelle planned for this evening. The only thing is, I have about 700 calories left in my day because of all my healthy eating!! Hmm... do you see a glass of wine in my future? I think I do!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

PMS and other excuses...

Sure I can blame PMS. Sure I can blame the fact that I'm uber hungry this week because of it. Sure I can point my finger six ways to Tuesday. But reality is I need to point it squarely where the blame lies. At myself. I'm the one that walked up to the store and bought a double caramel mars bar. I'm the one that ate it on the way home. I'm the one who portioned out pretzels this afternoon then grabbed a muffin and ate it, too.

And I'm also the one who is still going to eat my popcorn anyways.

Outside of these listed fiascos, I'm not doing so bad. I took the dogs for a walk today. And that's all I'm doing for excercise because my legs are ridiculously fatigued. My back and hamstrings ached so bad it kept me up last night.

Biggest Loser tonight. Dare I hope that it is Ron's last show? Dare I??


Breakfast today was old faithful. Aka: porridge with pb2, almonds, banana and choco chips. Comfort food.

Lunch was stone wheat thins with Thai Chili tuna, and a spinach salad. On the salad instead of dressing I had salsa and yogurt (instead of sour cream) and instead of chips I had broken pretzels on it. Suprisingly good!

Dinner tonight is low carb. What with my stupid chocolate bar and muffin... I've gone over by about 700 calories today. *shakes head*

On the plate is roasted broccoli, onion, and baby bok choy, with grated ginger. The pork loin was done on the George Forman. I first rubbed it with a mix of seasoning salt, garlic powder, cumin, curry powder and cayenne pepper on both sides. Spicilicious.





Steve picked up my medication for me. Not even grudgingly. He's so awesome!

I'm reading the Medical Information that comes with it, and I see something I've never ever seen written on one of these before, after it lists all the side effects. Get this... "Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects."

Um.... okay. Scare me!


Thanks for listening,

Dee

What a Day!

I just got back from the track, and I swear, Michelle is trying to kill me! Okay, not really... but holy muscle fatigue, Batman! We did alternating running and walking laps for two miles, and then I told her she can go on without me, because I need to stick to walking. By then Sam & Andrew got to the track so I ended up doing their walk run sessions (week one of the Sun Run training schedule, which is 2 min walking, 1 min running for 30 minutes). Sammy runs at a way slower pace than I do, so it was a good "resting run" for me. All in all a good workout!

Today was a shit scene emotionally, and I fought VERY hard to stay healthy with my eating. All the way out to the hospital I was justifying McDonald's. I didn't do it. Oh, how I wanted to, but I didn't.

Breakfast was a fruit salad with dry cottage cheese. Strawberries, kiwi, banana and grapes. Add milk and vitamins and we are uber healthy.




Lunch was leftover sushi, which I forgot to take a pic of. I was so hungry when I got home I just delved into it without thinking. I also ate the leftover chinese food, which wasn't much. Maybe a cup all together. One bite of s&s pork and the rest chow mein. Not crazy on the calories.


Dinner was again, uber healthy. A salmon filet, stir fried chinese vegetables, and a fruit salad. This was to make up for the muffins I made and ate two of. I don't even know how they are for calories. Not great, that's for sure.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

I'm back

I am back from my appointment. It went... fast. She looked at the spot and agreed that the cells were "changed". The treatment is a cream that I use five days a week for five weeks. Then I let it rest for two months and come back and see her, and she checks to ensure that all of the cells are gone.

The cream burns off layers of skin. I've been warned that it gets really painful after a couple of weeks, because you are applying it to thinner and thinner skin. And the fact that it takes two months to heal afterwards... makes me sure that this is not something I'm going to look forward to.

I don't actually HAVE the cream yet, because it costs $400. I don't have enough money right now, so have to talk to Steve when he gets home. Sigh. Poor guy. I'm always a financial burden to him and it breaks my heart.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Scared to Death

I'm about to walk out the door to go see the plastic surgeon for a consultation in regards to my skin cancer.

Stupid me convinced everyone that I was fine.

I didn't think I would be this scared. I didn't think I'd so not want to be alone as I face this today. But I am, and I'll deal with it like I always do.

One day I will learn to reach out and ask for help. One day I will learn to not say "oh no, it'll be fine", when the voice inside my head is shrieking "YES I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME, WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?!". One day I will. One day. Maybe.

Sigh.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Bad Food, Good Excercise

So I went out today to Mission to visit one of my bestest girlfriends ever. She works Sunday mornings in the little corner store/cafe, so I had breakfast there and visited. While waiting to for her to get off work, I decided to go for a run.

Now here's the thing... I have Sun Run coming up in two weeks. That's 10km. And have I been training? Hells no! Am I a little freaked out about it? Hells yes! But I keep telling myself that I'm in great physical shape, so I can do it with minimal training and not suffer too badly. The good news is, I can!

I decided to "run around the block". Yeah, except this is out in the boondocks. I ran one and a half blocks. I ran around the first one, and back to the store, and saw that only 40 minutes had past. Tracy wasn't off for another 20, so I told her I'd just meet her at her house. I think at that point she thought I was nuts. I got to her house about two minutes before she did.

I took the car on the route and traced it out... 9.4 km!!! In an hour ten minutes!!! And it did NOT kill me!!! Granted, I walked that last 3km, at least half of it. But that's okay. I'm not looking to break any records, I'm just looking to DO it. The fact that I'm not a runner, and can do a 10km run in under two hours tickles me no end.

And no, I'm not a runner. I don't enjoy running. It KILLS my lower back. I have to do all kinds of yoga to counteract the pain I suffer when I run long distances multiple times. The only time I enjoy it is if I have shit on my mind and I need to move and sort it out. Then running is great. Then it allows me to pound my way through and figure out my life. That's when I love it. Especially if it's drizzly out. I hate running in the cold. I hate running in the hot. I hate how red my face goes. I hate the back ache. I love the glory. Hee hee.

Bad food, I said, right? Yeah. I had for breakfast scrambled eggs, a slice of fried ham, two sausages, two slices of bacon, two slices of brown toast, oodles of jam, and a potatoes worth of hash browns. None of it was low fat nuthin. Greasefest 2009. Then, after my run I ate a Dark Mars bar. Damn, I love those things. THEN we went to the fair. And what did I proceed to indulge in? A corn dog, a bag of mini donuts and a lemonade. Oooooo. I woulda had kettle corn, but they didn't have any. I did impusively buy a bag of popcorn, but then realized my ridiculousness and gave it to Tracy's munchkin, who was very happy and made it totally worth buying to see the joy on her face as she happily munched and crunched. I left them shortly after that to come home. Hopefully Ashley doesn't end up puking up that popcorn after going on all the rides... lol.

I'm not sure if I'm eating dinner tonight. I'm certainly not hungry right now. But if I do, it will be vegetablrific, I tells ya. I'm craving nutrition now. Which is always the case after days of bingeing. Thank goodness my body loves the good stuff. I can only eat crap for so long before I crave salad badly. But it was a GREAT food vacation!!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Pass the Salt

BOO!!

This is what my hubby woke up to this morning, lol. I love the head snap when he rounds the corner and sees this... lol. Mud mask and hair colour... so attractive...

Dude... I really need to get back to clean eating. The last week has been CRAP. Eating out a lot, and not making healthy choices. Breaded, fried, salty. I've eaten it all. I figured out that I'm PMSing when I ate a Mars Dark bar, and it was the best bar I've ever eaten. And I was sad that I hadn't bought two. Then there is the salt cravings. Man oh man.

The salt craving is so bad, that last night I had a papa burger, plain with cheese and onion rings from A&W for dinner. Normally this is WAY too salty for me. They are extremely liberal with the seasoning salt. But last night that burger coulda actually used a bit more.

I'm off to a funeral today. Not fun. I hate doing my makeup for a funeral. Planning on crying sucks. This is my second funeral this week. THAT sucks.

Have a good Saturday, folks. I plan on spending the afternoon in mourning, then spending a lovely evening with my man, whom has been the epitome of patience while I've been off galavanting with my ladies.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Weiners, Beavers and Fish (and musings)

My mummy is in town, thus you not seeing me regularily on here. We have been shopping like MAD. The good news is, we like Value Village, which is a huge second hand store, so I have an entire new wardrobe for well under the cost of one brand new outfit. Woot!

While out galavanting, we came across a sale on dog toys. Mom bought Oscar (Morgana is above toy playing) a fish and a beaver and a mousy thing. Well... the fish and the beaver? They are the BEST. He's stressed right out that anyone is going to touch his stuff! He, in typical weiner fashion, is on full tilt, with whining and barking and hiding of toys. He brings them out to SHOW you, but please, for the love of Dog, don't TOUCH. He will lose his marbles.

So this morning, first thing after his morning pee, he starts playing with his toys and whining. So I grab the camera. He sees me coming and realizes that his toys are in mortal danger, and he RACES under the bed with them. An entire photo album of me snapping pics and chortling merrily ensues. But I won't bore you with all of them, just my two favourites.

Note the beaver, tits up in the corner.





This one is priceless. He is SO not impressed with me!





Ahh, weiner frivolity. He does make me laugh.

The other night I had the bestest dinner. I took a pic, but forgot it was on the camera. I was going to delete it, but then decided that you needed to see this glorious plate of goodness.

That there is a buffalo burger, with a spinach salad and a side of pretzels. So freakin good!

Today for lunch, mummy and I are heading up to Silverhouse for some chinese food. This means ridiculous amounts of sodium and calories, so I balanced out my breakfast to be filling, delicious, and low in calories. A quarter cup of egg white with 5 grams of blue cheese, and six strawberries, halved. Served with a glass of milk and the vitamins.

Mummy goes home today, and I'll miss her. I'm so glad I got time with her. I really do enjoy her company, and who she is. I love learning more and more about her, and where she comes from, and why I am the way I am.

I guess I should explain that... this is my birth mother that I found ten years ago. And when I found her it explained a whole lot about who I am and why I am the way I am. Genetics plays an amazing role in our makeup. You don't realize it until you meet someone who you carry their genes, and you were not raised with, and then SEE the similarities. It's rather crazy, and it used to really creep my sister out... lol.

Okay, folks... thanks for reading. Have yourself an amazingly wonderful Friday.

Bits and Pieces.

So, my mom has sleep apnea. And because of it, she was "taking her life in her own hands up to 70 times an hour" according to the doctor, while she slept. Now she has this funky machine, and she doesn't snore at all! Too bad she looks like some whacked out Cyborg. (love you, mom!)




It's April Fools, and guess what? Mother Nature played a good little joke on the Lower Mainland of BC. Snow. On April 1st. Pfffft.




Logan made a sandwich the other day and was SO impressed with it, he took a picture so I could see it, since I wasn't home to revel in his creative prowess. Rather impressive, and all healthy foods! He's so cute!!




This was my breakfast today. Back to clean eating as much as possible. Feeling bloated as all get out with all the sodium I've been eating lately. Blah. So breakfast was a slice of Russian Rye bread, toasted, plain, topped fresh spinach and a quarter cup egg white and a sploosh of Frank's Red Hot. On the side is a half cup of dry cottage cheese. Which I have to say, tastes much better warm. When it's cold it's got no taste at all. When it's room temp it has a pleasing flavour. Milk and vitamins round it out.

Lunch was chicken crockpot stuff. Literally a crockpot full of veggies and chopped chicken breast. It made it's own juice from the veggies. I had two cups of it, but took no pics. Pfft.

Then I had snack this afternoon. This is a half a sandwich made with one slice of squirrely bread, a quarter of an avocado, a half ounce of sprouts, and a large slice of tomato. Yum!

That's all I got today. I'm going to go work out now. Maybe an excercise tape. Not feeling energetic, so I'm forcing myself to do it. I'll regret it more if I don't.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

No Advertising at Funerals!!!

One would THINK that would be unwritten rule, wouldn't one? One would APPARENTLY be wrong. Holy shit!

I just got back from the funeral of one of my mom's best friends. My mom meaning Mom Katt (long story, yes I have more than one mom), whom died years ago.

Anyways, I was at the funeral of Bernice. And the pastor is from The Caring Place. Our local Salvation Army church place that seems to have attracted an inordinate amount of homeless people to Maple Ridge since it opened... but I digress.

He started out nicely. It was all going along well... when suddenly I realized that I sitting in a recruitment service. He starts going on about how his job is to turn others to God, and he goes on for about ten minutes about how to accept Jesus into your heart. Okay, now I know that I am intolerant of these things, so I do try to have patience. But even to me, it seemed to go on for a lot LOT longer than normally happens. THEN he starts launching into how he cares, and that's what they do at the Caring Place. I think that he actually saw my head snap to the right as I looked at Sam with wild wide Can You Fucking Believe This Shit eyes. There was only a handful of people there, so I'm sure that he couldnt' have missed it. He cut himself short and brought it back to Bernice. But I swear, he was just getting himself worked up into a passionate advertisement of that place.

THEN he tells us to bow our heads and pray for DENISE. I don't know who the hell DENISE is, but the funeral for Bernice was turning into a joke.

I felt incredibly sad for the family. The daughter, Shannon, is a tragedy of her own. She attempted suicide by hanging a few years back, and was successful enough to end her life as she knows it. She now lives in a rehabilitation centre, and has recently been able to get rid of her wheelchair and walker. She cannot talk with her mouth, but her eyes are very expressive.

A few of us stood and said some words. After all that was done, Shannon stood up. It was the most heartwrenching thing. She cannot speak, but you could hear the anguish in the silence.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Not Slacking, Dammit

I'm doing good... and not so good.

I find it so hard, after an indulgent weekend, to get back into the healthy swing of things. And yesterday was no exception. I planned my meals for the day, pulled chicken breast out for dinner last night, had it all worked out. Then, when I left for work I see the chicken isn't defrosted yet. Damn. So from work I decided to say fuckit and ordered chinese food. Helloooo sodium. Pffft.

I'm so bloated, I cannot even tell you. Between the dim sum soup of Sunday night, and the dinner last night, I could barely do my ab workout. I felt so fat, it was disgusting. I'm afraid to jump on the scale. I know it's going to reflect an inaccurate weight, based on the swimming pools worth of water I'm holding. Okay, maybe a Mr. Turtle pool, but still.

Biggest Loser tonight! Popcorn tonight!! Mummy is coming tonight!!! Three of my FAVOURITE things, all in one night. Such a lucky girl! Maybe life will really love me and Ron will go home tonight! lol

My excema is itchy today, and I can't figure out why... oh. Maybe it's a healthy oil thing. I don't think I've been really getting too many. Hmm. I'll have to keep an eye on that. I take my 1000 mg of fish oil a day, but having excema I definately need more than that.

I think I'll do a crock pot something or other for dinner tonight. I'm driving out to Tswassen to pick mom up from the ferry, and am not sure of the timing yet. It depends if my BIL needs me to pick up my neice. Either way, crockpot always equals yumminess. I saw a cool red beans and rice recipe I'm contemplating.

Okay, I'm off to work. Ya'll have a great day.

Oh and sorry for the lack o' pictures. My stupid camera batteries are dead and while it's stupdily easy to change them, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. :)

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Eating Disorder Lessons for Little Girls

Yep, you read that right. Check THIS out.

Dee

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I had such a great day yesterday! I totally didn't think I was going to, but I did.

My sister is the artsy crafty type. I am what can only be described as... not. I cannot even go into Michael's craft store, for fear of the anxiety attack I had last time I was sent in there on an errand. I mean with full blown hyperventilating, hysterical crying, the whole shebang. Seriously embarrassing. It's a freakin craft store for crissakes. But, my anxiety apparently does not understand humiliation, just irrational fear. It cannot be reasoned with. Trust me, I tried.

So, having painted the scene, imagine my "delight" when my sister says that it's been a dream of hers for seven years to have a Crankpots party. What is Crankpots, you ask? It's a pottery place. One of those do it yourself decorating places. Sam's dream consists of a set, with a piece done by each of her peeps. She chose a teapot, and venti mugs. I did a mug. And I ended up having a brilliant good time!

At first, the panic was palatable, though, I gotta tell ya. Until I had an idea of what I was going to do, an action plan, and a stencil or two, I was freaking OUT. Deep breaths, asking instructions a few times, and reading the instruction page over and over helped. A few clarifications, a stencil of a frog, and I was off!

My mug sounds totally dumb, but I'm excited to see it when it's done. I own an orange little car, with tree frog stickers in all the windows, on the seats, steering wheel, license plate holder, shoulder strap protectors, and rearview mirror. So I did an orange mug with a frog stencilled on it, in teal, outlined in black. Then up one side of the handle I stencilled "Success", and up the other "Believe". I hope it doesn't look too third grade once it's glazed and kilned. We'll see next weekend.

I would have pics, but my stupid camera died. Poo.

We were good toads, too... we brought veggies, dip, hummus, whole wheat crackers, cheese strings, shrimp and fat free dip to Crankpots. Then we decided on the way home to grab salad, a chicken and fixins and have supper. All healthy. I grabbed portobello mushrooms and shrimp and sauteed it for on top of my salad greens with a couple ounces of chicken boob. I topped it off with a tablespoon of light olive oil vinegrette. I was happy with my choices.

Then... someone made a DQ run. I was GOING to be good. I said NO THANKS first. But then they took so long to get out the door, that my interal fat bitch had time to win the battle and actually CHASED them, waving money, yelling "PEANUT BUSTER PARFAIT, PEANUT BUSTER PARFAIT".

Needless to say, I spent a good portion of time on the toilet later that night. My healthy body does not appreciate the fatfull full sugar goodness that is a peanut buster parfait HALF as much as my tastebuds do. And why I ate those whole grain tortilla chips after? I don't fucking know. They were there. Nuff said. Get off my back, willya??

Sigh.

Actually, overall, I'm totally okay with it... lol. I ate very very well during the day, starting with a smart breakfast of oatmeal, so it was an evening of indulgence, not an entire day. And it's not like I don't have the wiggle room, for crissake. I woke up this morning weighing 146.6. Considering my goal weight is 147, not so bad. I work damn hard to maintain this body, and not go back to being fat. The struggle is realizing that one night of indulgent eating does not a fat bitch make. Weeks on end of such behaviour does. Days on end will eventually. Two days? Not so much. I only ever go two days, then hop right back into my routines.

My boss Kerri really put it into perspective for me with her talk about living her life in a perpetual state of maintaining. When it comes to housework, work work, weight management, everything. She hates spending an entire day cleaning a messy house. So fifteen minutes a day to maintain it is what she does. As far as her weight, she said to me "losing weight is one of the hardest things I've done, and I don't want to do it again, so I work to maintain it". She's right. 30 minutes a day of moving, and ten minutes to plan your menu, and you don't have to work so fucking hard to lose. I love that thought process.

*****

Today I go to the airport and pick up my mommy. My broken mommy. She has a busted ankle. Sammy and I are picking her up, taking her for lunch, then some shopping, and then dropping her at the Tswassen ferry, where she will be picked up on the other side by our cousin. Mom has appointments in Victoria Monday and Tuesday to see the sleep apnea doctor and the anastesiologist. When they have given their approval, a surgery date will be set for the gastrobypass. Gah.

I'm still not convinced that this is the best option, but mom seems to be grasping it as a lifeline. And reality is, she is NOT me, and I cannot expect her to have the same willpower I do. I have a hard time with that because I relate so damn much of who I am with her, that when I can do something she can't it slaps me. But I guess reality is that some of my genes had to come from my sperm donor. I just always forget about him, lol.

I'm scared to death of mom's surgery. I'm scared to death that she will not make it through. I'm scared to death that it will be a temporary solution and that the physical changes will have no effect on the mental issues that keep her at the weight she is, and stop her from doing the diet and excercise choices that would make the surgery unnecessary.

But, it's not my body. It's not my life. It's not my choice. I support her in her choices, even if I don't agree with them. Even if they scare the piss out of me.

Whoa, this got deep. And with that I'm done.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Note to self...

Cereal and apple sauce is NOT a sufficient breakfast to keep me full. I needed a snack by 10am. I haven't done that in over a year!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

An Award!!

From Marisa, my dear bloggy friend and blog soul sister! How sweet is she!!

When receiving this award, you must list 7 things you love and pass the award on to 7 bloggers. My list of loves goes like this (in no particular order)...

- my family
- my lifestyle
- my dogs
- my friends
- my home
- couscous
- porridge


And Seven Bloggies who deserve this honour?

Escape from Obesity
Fatinah - My life part deux
Mousaroo's Mumblings
Operation Size 8
Squishy
My Super Sweet 26
On the Threshold of Greatness



Thanks for listening,

Dee

What a RUSH!!!

I just came back from THE most awesome time... although I'm wondering if I'll be able to type tomorrow as my forearms are protesting this here now. Eep.

And I took pics, like a good little bloggy!!

Here's Kris, making it look easy... she so rocks!!!

Me! Lookin all athletic and stuff!!

I love this shot!!

And then home again to my yummilicious italian sausage burger and spinach salad with a Mediterranian Vinegrette. Does life get any better? I think not...

Eats!

It's a breadful day today. I have a bread product at each meal, which is weird for me. I used to be a breadie. It was one of the hardest things for me to give up. I didn't plan this today, it just sorta happened.

For breakfast it's an egg white sandwich with bacon and asiago, served with a half orange, milk and vitamins.



Lunch is a tuna sandwich, but instead of mayo, I used guacamole. Throw a sliced dill on there, carrots on the side, and call it lunch! Yummy yummy yummy!



Dinner tonight is Italian burgers. I take a pound each of bison and mild italian sausage and smoosh it together and sizzle those badboys on the George Forman. Serve it on a Burger First bun, and you have a happy me, for a fraction of the caloric cost of the burgers in restaurants. I'll probably have spinach on the side.

I'm going rock climbing (on a wall) today (eeep!!), so am pretty nervous right now.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Hmmmm. Interesting

Two things of interest before I start my work day:

1) Since I'm on NutriMirror, and work to keep everything in the green and thereby nourishing my body properly nutritionally, I don't have cravings (except at PMS time for chocolate, but that doesn't count). It was asked in a post on NM, and made me stop and think. Nope, I don't have cravings anymore. Wild.

2) Since maintaining I have lost three pounds. Pfft! I jumped on the scale this morning to see 144.0. Time to up the calories a little bit I'm thinkin. Truth be told, it's hard to get so many calories in when you eat so clean. And I don't WANT to add mayo and shit back into my diet. I like fueling my body cleanly. I like the way it makes me feel. But one can only eat so many helpings of freggies!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Recipe, Epiphany, and Musings

Okay, the recipe for the butter chicken is stupid simple and you will laugh, all who asked for it:

3 chicken breasts, cut into bite size pieces
1 large can of diced "no salt added" tomatoes
1 packet of 50 gram Indian Butter Chicken, Spice Paste for Poultry, mild (Asian Home Gourmet)
1 cup plain fat free yoghurt
1/2 small box whole wheat linguine

I browned the meat, slopped in the tomatoes, dumped in the packet. Cooked the linguine while it simmered for 20 minutes. Threw it all together and mixed in the yogurt. Voila.

I remain... the queen of shortcuts.

*bows*

It makes 6 cups:

Nutrition Info:
Serving Size 1 cup

Calories 241

Total Fat 2.6 g
Saturated Fat 0.6 g
— Trans Fat 0 g

Cholesterol 35 mg
Sodium 361 mg
Total Carbohydrate 32 g
Dietary Fiber 4 g
— Sugars 9 g
Protein 21 g

Vitamin A 239 µg
Vitamin C 22 mg
Calcium 117 mg
Iron 3 mg

And of course it tastes WAY better the next day. Using the large can of tomatoes really tones down the spice (I read it after and the packet is for half the amount of ingredients I used).

My epiphany is around the word "lifestyle". When I first started the journey, I was adamant about using the word lifestyle. I was not on a diet. I was creating a lifestyle. Blah blah blah blah, talky talky the talk. But looking back on that poor delusional soul, I know she had NO idea what that really meant.

It sounded good. I mean, after all, we all know that diets don't work. That you have to create a lifestyle, because if you go on a diet and then revert back to the way you always ate, you'll put the weight all back on, and it will bring friends. We all know this.

But I tell you, there is now way, back then, that I could have forseen the truth in this statement. And it reaffirms for me just how powerful words are. You see, I had no idea. But I kept talking the talk. And every day I inched forward on my goal. There were days I didn't. Hell, there were WEEKS that I declared a food vacation and ate willy nilly. (one at a time, though... never weeks on end) But I still always maintained that I was not on a diet, I was creating a lifestyle.

Fast forward and here I am today. I'm at my goal weight. I'm maintaining that weight. And I'm doing it successfully. Know why? I'll tell you why... I created a lifestyle. Yup yup I did!

I eat NO differently today than I did two months ago, when I was still on that weight loss journey. I eat the same foods. I eat at the same times. I make the same healthy choices (90% of the time). I drink the same water. I have the same excercise schedule. Everything is exactly the same EXCEPT for 500 measly little calories. That's it! So on my salad instead of one tablespoon of asiago, now I can indulge and have two. I can add almonds to my oatmeal. I can incorporate a tablespoon of healthy oil, too! I have an extra 500 calories to play with in my budget. But that is IT.

I don't eat mountains of cream puff madness. I don't gorge at buffets like I used to. I created, over time, a lifestyle that I enjoy and can maintain. Mainly because I worked so damn hard to live it every day for two years.

Don't get me wrong... it was definately a morphing beast. In the beginning I ate the same foods I always did, just in proper portions (boy THAT was a shock and a half). Then for the next year I found every 100 calorie pack and diet yoghurt and fat free product I could wrap my grubby little hands around, to get the most bang for my caloric buck. Then the next half year was wrapping my head around eating "clean" and actually listening to my body's needs. Since then it's been tweaking the clean eating, and learning to enjoy my body at the level it's at today. And now it's doing what I've been doing, and enjoying the little perks here and there.

But overall, nothing has changed. Crazy, huh?

This is why you have to love what you are doing. If you are eating a food because you "should" and really are not enjoying it, is it going to become a lifestyle you can maintain? No. But if you just find a whole other level of foods to enjoy, then live in the moment, THAT is sustainable. Does that make sense?

It does to me. Today. Back at the beginning, I never would have beleived me, though. But just saying the words got me through, until they became my current reality.

Food Blogging.

I pretty much suck at it. So in true "me" fashion, I'm not committing to it! I will take pics when I remember, and not stress out when I don't... lol.

I had an AMAZING dinner last night. Michelle (my workout buddy) invited us over. She made chicken breast stuffed with cheese, spinach and stuffing (made with water, not egg or oil) and baked in the oven. Baby potatoes in olive oil and seasoning and salad wrapped it up. I took a small plate and enjoyed it all. Then for dessert I had brought over an angel food cake, canned peaches (in pear juice, not syrop) and whipped cream. Yummy yummy yummy. And no damn pics!!!

I had PMS popcorn for Biggest Loser (which was freakin AWESOME. I don't like Tara, but I was glad she did what she did. She deserved it. And booo that Ron is still there.).

Breakfast and lunch were oatmeal and leftover butter chicken. Nothing spectacular.

Tonight I am meeting up with a bunch of folks from High School. I am so incredibly nervous. I have blocked SO much of my childhood... I am embarrassed sometimes when faced with situations I don't remember. (it happened again last night with a stupid little thing, but I was burning up inside with embarassment that I couldn't remember it)

Hopefully things go well. I'm sure they will...

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Good Weekend, Bad Blogger!

Well... where to even begin! It's been only about three days, but it feels like I haven't blogged in forever!

The cold is almost gone. I stayed hopped up on cold meds all weekend, which killed most of it off. But this is a persistant bugger. It's still lingering a little bit. As a result I have not worked out since last Wednesday. Or was it Tuesday? I don't even know... sad.

Friday was the usual working all day. I hopped on the scale, only to have it say I was 149.0 lbs. Gak! The only reason EVER to wish for your period, I tell ya. It came, and by Sunday my weight was down to 145.2. Phew!

Saturday was the best day I have had in a super long time. I had so much girl time with my extra special peeps. It was so awesome! And a fun date evening with the whole gang to go see an improv show. Then hanging out in Denny's afterwards. So much fun!

By the time we got to Denny's it was 9pm, and I had about 500 calories left in my day to spend. I ordered the chicken fajita meal, but I ditched the tortillas (white flour yuck) and just ate the chicken and veggies. Can you believe it was served with hashbrowns covered in bacon and cheese??? I had one bite then gave the rest to my husband to finish. I was super proud of myself for my ordering and eating. Mind you, it was greasy as hell, but it coulda been soooo much worse!

Sunday was an easy day. I layed on the couch for pretty much all of it, except one bout of grocery shopping. I indulged and had popcorn for lunch (he he he) and pizza for dinner. It was heavenly.

Today has been game on. I'm back on the healthy eating bandwagon and had PLANNED to work out tonight, but Michelle called to postpone and still hasn't called to get together. It's after 8pm now, so I think I'll call it a night and consider it my last day of rest.

I had to take pics for work, so when I got all dressed up for our Saturday date, I had Logan take some shots of me. Most were awful, but a couple were keepers. This one I've posted... it's a keeper, but it makes me take a step back. I've been talking a lot lately about having to reconcile that 40 year old woman in the mirror. This pic is exactly that. A 40 year old woman. Holy shit. I'm looking my age. And it makes me want to cry. I don't feel like I have an old lady neck, but I certainly do. Sam mentioned one time about a colleague of hers who could tell a woman's age by her neck. You can certainly see mine, can't you? Gah.




Breakfast was great. I had a 1/2 cup of dry cottage cheese with a half of a ginormous orange.


Lunch was not so great, plus I forgot pics. I did an english muffin with fat free cream cheese and jam, a homeade muffin a little later, and a cup of carrots.

Snack was 3/4 cup yogurt with 1/4 cup flax pumpkin granola and a tablespoon of chocolate chips.

Dinner was butter chicken with spinach salad.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Yesterday's eats and stuff...

I went to blog last night, but my stupid IE had a malfunction, froze and lost everything. And by then I was done. With a big ol' "fuckit" I went to bed.

Today I had an epiphany. One does NOT need to take as much cold medication when one is 147 pounds as one did when one was 208 pounds. No. It's bad. It makes your heart race and feel like you are going to have it explode out your chest and go for a zip around the block. Not fun. Note to self. ONE pill. ONE.

I am now coming down off that high and am a little scared to take my meds now.I think I'll wait a couple hours and take another one. It's almost 1 now, and I took the 2 at 8 this morning. Tylenol cold daytime pills. What a trip!

So here are the foods from yesterday... oh but first! I giggled this morning (although now I think about it this was while I was super baked) when I turned around from my desk and say Oscar's little feets sticking out of the blanket, up the back of the couch (I have a sheet on it, no the couch is not that ugly. It's actually a futon. Feets and nose. Too cute! Reminds me of when I was a kid and the phone attached on the downstairs wall had a long cord and I could lay on the floor with my legs up the wall.

So sad that noone under the age of 30 will have a clue what I'm referring to. Phone attached to wall? Cord??




Breakfast is oatmeal. 1/2 a banana, 1/2 tablespoon almonds, teaspoon dark chocolate chipits. Milk and vitamins. Add echinacea. 324 calories.




Lunch was the pita pizza again. I love them, but I'm glad that today is the last one. yesterdays had the two kinds of olives, chopped up brussel sprouts, tofu and cheese for 378 calories.




And then the doorbell rang! Woot! UPS!! PB2 in da HOUSE!!

I forgot to take a pic of my snack. It was a half cup of Ancient Grains cereal with a 1/4 cup of almond breeze for 130 calories. (Sure, the first thing different I've eaten in ages and I forget to take a pic!)


Dinner time and I'm not feelin foody. As I'm chatting with Magda on the phone and rummaging in the cupboards, I come out with Cock Soup. Mag thought I was making it up but it really is! I buy it in the ethnic aisle at Super Store, and it's sooo good. Spicy good.

I originally bought it to make my boys giggle, but it turned out to be a family favourite. Tonight I added in a swack of veggies, like broccoli, edamame, celery, and carrot, to bulk it out with nutrition. I had a sandwich made on the Black Russian Rye bread. It was fat free cream cheese, avocado and sprouts. Delish! 457 calories.

After dinner I ended up making popcorn for another 570 calories, and having a glass of milk mixed with almond breeze, adding another 74 calories. I ended my day at 1943 which is a couple hundred over, but I couldn't really care less. TOM has arrived, too, so I'm not feeling too caring about much, lol.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Do You Cheat?

I was just on the WW.ca site and there is a thread there about closet eating. I used to be really bad for this. When I would make grilled cheese, I'd make one first, and wolf it down, then make the last one for me and waltz out to the family with our one each and eat with them. I constantly did things like that.

When I started WW, I struggled with this. Then I read one of the cliche phrases that said "What I eat in private shows in public". Whoa. That really floored me. It was one of those reality slaps upside the head. Who the hell am I kidding by eating that McDonald's on the way home to cook dinner, then my dinner with the family? But more importantly, who am I sabotaging?

It was a total eye opener when I realized that nobody cared. Seriously, noone did! There IS no food police to come and arrest you and throw you in jail because you ate an extra whatever.

And besides that, what does it say? It says "shows in public". Ha! You may not SEE the burrito I slammed, but you will see my clothes get tighter. But you will have no idea why, will you, because you never saw me eating those things. *raises eyebrows* Um, hello?

One of the posters over there responded to the thread with this:

I used to do this, and it's one of the things i went to a counsellor about. I would tell her i cheated and binged on something. She explained that it wasn't "cheating", that i am a grown woman who made a decision to eat something. It's not bad, it's just a choice.

When i really heard what she was saying, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It is okay to have treats. It's okay to go overboard and then get back on track. We're human, and aren't perfect.

My counsellor said some people can eat something and think to themselves "meh, that was more than i needed" then just cut back on their next meal. They don't dwell on how they failed and make it a bigger deal than it is. When you realize you didn’t "cheat" or do anything "bad", you just ate more than you should, it makes it easier to deal with (for me anyways) and makes it easier to get back on track.

Wow, huh?

So, of course, this obviously made me self look. And you know what? I do still closet eat on occasion. But 90% of the time, I have the calories for it, but I'm hiding it because I don't want any raised eyebrows. I will buy a bag of chips from the store and and an ice cream sandwich that I will eat on the way home. Then I'll sit on the couch with Steve and eat the chips, saying NOTHING about the ice cream.

Why? Why do I do that? What is the fucking point? I mean really, what's the worst that can happen? Is Steve going to throw his hands up in the air and scream "that's it, I can't take it anymore I'm leaving you because of that ice cream sandwich". Yeah, right. If he didn't leave me at 208 pounds of blubber, he ain't leavin this little hottie trophy wife of his over a stupid ice cream.

I think it's becasue I talk so fucking loudly about eating clean and nutritional choices, that when I do decide to indulge, I feel guilty, like I'm not setting a good example. You know what? I honestly DO care what people think, even if I shouldn't. And I know I can be the example that shows that you can live healthy, indulge occasionally, and be normal (eep, normal... there's that dratted word again). But you know what I mean. I can be a shining example of moderation.

And yet... I still do it. I know the logic. I talk the talk. I walk the walk 98% of the time. And I always log on NM my choices. I'm accountable to myself always. I am just not always accountable to the people in my life. Hell, I'm more accountable on HERE than I am walking home scarfing that dark chocolate bar with burnt almond chunks. I tell you all about them. But I don't tell my husband or son.

I guess I don't want to disappoint anyone. Even if they truly do not care.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Today started out ever so sexy. Gawd, I feel bad for my poor husband sometimes. Last night was horrendous. I coughed and spat through most of it. This morning, I'm sure Steve was not diggin waking up to me propped up against the headboard (lying down just made me cough), with a snot rag in one hand, a cup of lung butter (eww) on the nightstand, my nose completely red, dry and crusty, and drool dripping down my chin. Okay the drool part was for dramatic effect but you never know... there coulda been drool.

This cold is pissing me right OFF. Either hit me hard and be done or fuck off and be done. This lingery bullshit is bullshit.

Sick of me whining yet? Yeah, me too. I hate being negative. Read my posts! I'm usually Mary Sunshine!

Today's food could only be defined as "comfort food". Which sadly puts my cholesterol, sodium and saturated fats into the red zones, despite staying well under my caloric budget. pfftt. Don't care.

(okay I care a little bit)

Breakfast was one whole egg (a special treat) with a quarter cup egg whites, a slice of dry Black Russian Rye toast, milk and vitamins. That egg is what shot my cholesterol into the red. 341 calories.




Lunch was the infamous Pita Pizza. Today's had comfort bacon on it. And not back bacon (or as my American friends call it "Canadian bacon"). I'm talkin real bacon. Plus tofu, mushrooms, black and green olives. Also, this time I cut it into six pieces. You know what? The mind is dumb. I felt like I was eating WAY more with it being in six pieces. 492 calories.



The planned snack was a cut up apple with a 1/2 cup pineapple, 1/2 cup plain fat free yoghurt, and 1/4 cup flax pumpkin granola. 288 calories.

The unplanned snack, thus the one not pictured was the leftover popcorn from last night. Nothing like stale popcorn to make you feel better. Pffffft. 88 calories.

Dinner was again, built for comfort, not speed. And it tipped my sodium round the bend. 3.3 ounces of pork shoulder roast, with a huge helping of roasted beets, potatoes and mushrooms. Super uber yum for 414 calories.

Can anyone tell me why the HELL this last bit all bunches together now matter HOW many f*cking spaces I put between each *&^%$ paragraph????????????????

Total calories for the day: 1623

I still have a couple hundred if I should feel snacky later.

And I am sooo not working out tonight. I did a 15 minute incline walk with weights to do my arms and shoulders at lunch. I sweated. Good enough for me.

Thanks for listening to me bitch once again,

Dee

Done and done!

I was really concerned that I was not going to make it through a workout tonight, but Michelle was nice to me! We did Turbo Jam. She has a DVD that has three of the workouts on it, so we did:

"Learn & Burn" (but only the "Burn" part which is 20 minutes) (30min) - The perfect workout to get you started. Helps target your core for maximum results.

"Turbo Sculpt" (40min) - Tighten and tone using Chalene Johnson's signature moves to obtain sculpted abs, glutes, arms and legs.

These were perfect. I worked my body HARD but did not need the lung capacity that an aerobic workout requires.

Feeling awesome, and I can definately sing Biggest Loser song tonight!

Dee

Happy Popcorn Day!!

Oh, and St Patrick's Day, too... tee hee. Sadly, Biggest Loser and Popcorn excite me more. Maybe cuz I'm not Irish.

On the cold front (ha ha) life sucks ass. I have a nice cough that has decided to settle into my lungs. My nose isn't completely blocked, only half, which is a blessing and a curse. Cuz the half that isn't blocked is running. That's always pleasant. Pfffft.

Last night's workout was preeeetty much a joke. I need a tape called "Half Assed Workout For When You Don't Want to Move But Know You Should". I'd totally buy that shit. No jumping, no fast moves. Just light weights with low impact stepping. Yep, I'd totally buy that shit.

The good news is my appetite is not affected. Although... now that I think about it, maybe it is. This is PMS week which usually means I'm constantly hungry. I cannot get enough food into me. But that's not the case right now. I'm normal hungry instead of super hungry. Huh. Look, a silver lining to this cold. *grin*

Okay, on to the goods:

Breakfast is almost a repeat of yesterday... 200 grams of fresh pineapple, an orange (for vitamin C), 1/2 cup dry cottage cheese, and a dry slice of Black Russian Rye toast with milk and vitamins for 391 calories.




Lunch again was Pita Pizza. Today's had mushrooms, tofu, spinach, tomato, and cheese. It was a decadent 341 calories.



Snack was my old standby, apple with PB2. Speaking of which, I sure hope my order comes soon! I am scraping the jar and will have to use Logan's PB2 w/chocolate, which I really don't prefer! Or real peanut butter, which I have, but is WAY to greasy for me now. And I have the Just Peanuts! No added crap! Holy oily, Batman! Anywho, snack was 125 calories.

Dinner was a lesson in how you can balance out your day and still have the odd indulgence. Not a speck of nutrition or cleanness in Kraft Dinner, but yep, that's what you see there! Salmon, 1/2 cup KD, and a swack of cauliflower put me at 308 calories AND kept me in the green (you NM users will appreciate that).

Snack tonight is popcorn. WOOT WOOT!!!! I had planned for PMS popcorn for 690 calories, but then decided that I'm going to have butter and white cheddar popcorn seasoning instead. I'm not feeling the chocolate (which I totally should be, seeing as how I'm pmsing but whatever). Plus the PMS popcorn calls for PB2, and I dont' have enough. *sad face*

Anyways, that puts my caloric day under 1800, which is well within budget with my working out. Psuedo working out. Whatever.

I did 15 minutes of hill training, which according to Jillian is the equivelant of running for calorie burning. And I'll do another half assed workout with Michelle again tonight.

Well, that's about all I gots. Ciao.

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Kill Me & Help Me

My blankie fell on de floor and I need you to get it for me!!!

Help ME!

I have a cold and feel like SHIT.

Kill ME!!!

Manic Monday

Well, it's the first day of Spring Break, and was I ever glad to get to sleep in a bit! This cold isn't brutal, but it's knocked me back a step or two, that's for sure. Once again, I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how greatful I am that I do not smoke. The difference in colds from then to now is immeasurable. If that's not incentive to quit, I don't know what is!

I must admit, I had an awesome day yesterday, despite spending the whole thing laying on the couch. I listened all day to the last three months worth of Jillian's podcasts. She's so awesome.

I had a bunch of pics from the last few days, but I decided fuck it... I don't have time to upload, sort and blurb for each of them. Suffice it to say that while I did not eat the most healthy options this weekend, I did stay within my caloric budget. And I'm good with that.

On Friday Logan used the last of the coloured gels in his hair, so I saved this pic just to complete the set. Unfortunately, green doesn't take as well to the uncoloured section of his hair like the red and blue did. I think the blue was my favourite.




Breakfast today was fresh cut pineapple (god, I love pineapple) with dry cottage cheese. Yep, you heard me right. Dry cottage cheese? Why? Because I goddamn MISS cottage cheese but with over 400 mg of sodium per 1/2 cup it's not worth it to me. But dry cottage cheese has like 15 mg of sodium. Ha! And it wasn't so bad at all, actually. I served it with a dry slice of Black Russian Rye bread (omg good) and milk & vitamins for a total of 442 calories.




Lunch this week will consist of Pita Pizzas. Oh yeah! Today's lovely creation had pizza sauce, pineapple, capers, tofu, mushrooms, spinach, caroway seeds, oregano, mozza & asiago cheeses. A delicious 352 calories! (when you consider what a pizzaria pizza costs you in calories... crazy!)




Snack was more pineapple, with fat free plain yogurt, flax pumpkin granola and chocolate chips. A sweet indulgence that came in at 230 calories.

Dinner tonight was cheeky. I was driving past 7-11 and they have a deal on right now for two hot dogs for 2.49. Well, I had been looking to use up some leftovers, and one of them is chili! So I stopped by Sev and picked up six hot dogs. I put cheese and onions on the boys' and left mine plain. A quarter cup of bison chili and a side salad of spinach with ranch and I'm a happy camper with my 672 calories. And boy were Steve and Logan impressed and happy, lol!!

Now, I'm about to head out for my workout with Michelle. I'm going to take it fairly easy. I don't want to blow my immunse system up right now. This cold could be gone in two days if I do this right. As it is right now I'm within my caloric budget, so a workout is gravy. (not literally. I'm not gonna eat a bowl of gravy.)

Tonight I'm having coffee with friends that are down from Kamloops. Very exciting! Except it's in Timmy's. Very dangerous! A pmsing woman should not be sitting in a donut shop. Maybe I'll go online and see if there is anything I can indulge in within my calorie budget.

Okay, that's about it.

OH! One more thing. I had a twofer. I picked up a pair of jeans for 1.94 on a clearance rack AND they are a size 8 that fits!!!! Woot!!!!

Thanks for listening,

Dee

Booooo!

I'm sick with a stupid cold. Not a MAN cold, but a cold nonetheless. The good news is I have a new toy. I bought a little mp3 player and I've dowloaded the last three months of Jillian's podcasts, so I'm going to take my sorry ass to my bed and educate myself ala my girlfriend. I totally ♥ her.

Yesterday, btw, was a fun filled day of shopping, chinese food for dinner, pizza for breakfast, and Subway for lunch. Snacking on veggies during cards, rounded it out. I still stayed within my caloric range, though. Sorta. I think I was over by like 9 calories or something stupid like that. Just not a nutritionally sound day. :)

Thanks for listening,

Dee